Fri, 25 December 2009
Buy $8 Customized Tees at CustomizedGirl.com On the 12th Day of Christmas...More than a few unsuspecting spouses today unwrapped one of the fastest selling gift ideas ever. Pray this isn't under your tree unless, of course, you're doing the giving. One size fits all. No batteries needed. Satisfaction guaranteed. No more hints. You will just have to listen (maybe if you had done more of that you wouldn't be receiving one of these). Holiday music from John Lennon, Darrell Smith and Straight No Chaser. We hope you've enjoyed these special daily Christmas shows. The 2 Kens are taking a couple weeks holiday. Our regular weekly podcast returns Monday, Jan. 11, 2010. Happy New Year to the world's greatest fans!!! Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens |
Thu, 24 December 2009
Alert Scotland Yard?...Nah, it was mere child's play for cops in Cardiff, Wales to pinch these bumbling bank robbers who apparently forgot the first rule of theft: make an inconspicuous getaway. Combined, they got nearly 40 years in the pokie. Let's hope they're no better at getting out than they were getting in. Holiday cheer on this Christmas Eve: My Christmas Wish by Lisa Hugo, and Christmas Time is Near by Paul Kloschinsky. See you tomorrow. Don't forget milk & cookies for the fat man. Always tip your waitstaff. Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens |
Wed, 23 December 2009
On the 10th Day of Christmas...Kris Kringle gifted us with seven of the dumbest humans ever to attempt a crime. If you needed proof that if breathing required thought, the terminally stupid would be dead - here it is! Warning: do not drink liquid while listening to this show in the presence of others. Spurting nose bubbles isn't polite. 39 again? ...You Can't Make It Up is one year old today. If you've been with us from the start, check yourself into a psych ward (remember them?). You're done. Congratulations! You're now just like us. Our musical holiday cheer is from Band Aid II with Do They Know It's Christmas?, Janyce, with her tribute to all those serving America away from home this time of year, Home Sweet Home, and teen sibling band, Whitlock with Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas. See you tomorrow with our 11th Day of Christmas. If you're male and are nimble on your feet, we need you. Eleven ladies, no waiting. Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens
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Tue, 22 December 2009
Your other left...It was a scam so incredibly ill-conceived, you wonder how the agency that oversees driver testing for all of England missed it. Two men, one mission: to pass driving exams while posing as other people. Dozens of them. These cheats would then pay the two frauds, but only if they passed the test. Which almost never happened. Authorities eventually caught on. The poor (literally) and horribly bad drivers are behind bars. No doubt plotting their next brilliant scheme. Musical guests: Geoff Smith (Christmas Time Around The World) and Corey Smith (Christmas Song). See you tomorrow for our 10th Day of Christmas special. Don't forget to tip your pipers. Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens
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Mon, 21 December 2009
Dear Elin...You've been a good little girl so Santa's bringing you a divorce. iPhone App developers are cashing in at the Apple store. Like the guy who wrote Santa Message 4U. Inspired by a mom with four little kids, this app didn't go far enough. Imagine all the helpful little things the jolly fat man could coerce your kiddies into doing. We did. Music on this 8th Day of Christmas includes Christmas in New York by Mark Mangold, and Simple Love by Joshua Stedman. Have a Merry! See you tomorrow with Day 9. Leave the drummers home. Some of us are trying to sleep. Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens
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Sun, 20 December 2009
Tony Soprano would be so proud...Take that you dastardly lender! Now you can play the ultimate bailout revenge arcade game this holiday season. Too bad all the fun is being had in UK. Still, it's reassuring to know that these warm feelings we Americans have for the banking industry are universal. Step right up folks! Just 40p buys you 30 seconds of bopping bald banker bliss. Celtic music this Seventh Day of Christmas is Carol of The Bells from the Inner Splendor album, In The Spirit Of Peace - An Irish Holiday Celebration, featuring the enchanting voices of Ann Malone and Sarah Warwick. We thank Ariel and Cyber PR for sharing this wonderful piece with us! See you tomorrow for our 8th Day of Christmas special. Get here early. Wouldn't want to miss that maids milking contest. Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens |
Sat, 19 December 2009
Fans behaving badly...Taunting at a SQUASH match?! Unruly fans are making it difficult to distinguish a collegiate sporting event from a retail store on Black Friday. Take this month's clash at Animal House U. (aka: Dartmouth) when the Big Green racqueteers took the court against arch Ivy League rival and national squash powerhouse (you rarely see these two words together) Harvard. Some students (aka: tomorrow's leaders) pelted Crimson men and women players with obscenity-laced insults witnesses described as misogynistic, homophobic, and anti-Semitic. Mom and dad must be so proud. Music of the season compliments of Canadian folk, altenative rock artists Becky and Ryan Anderson and their band F&M with A Scoundrel's Christmas, and the soulful sound of the well-traveled Joshua Stedman with The Gift. See you tomorrow with our special Swan Swimsuit Issue. And if you're enjoying these daily shows, tell us! 12days@2kenscomedy.com Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens |
Fri, 18 December 2009
No gelt, no glory...As you light an 8th candle this Hanukah, give thanks to those brave souls who endured scorn and ridicule to modernize Dreidel, the world's most boring game. Poker your bag? Try your luck where no-limit wagers rule. Or head out to the The Spinagogue. Major League Dreidel leagues are forming now. What's next, Second Life Dreidel? Musical guest this 5th Day of Christmas is the Kathy Fleischmann Band. Four seasoned singer/songwriter/musicians from NY who mix blues, rock, jazz and folk. But if you're looking for more sweetness & light this season, be advised, "Christmas Train" is not your typical holiday tune. See you tomorrow. Hope you like goose omelette. With six birds in the yard we've got eggs coming out our... Hey, if you're enjoying these daily specials, tell us! 12days@2kenscomedy.com Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens |
Thu, 17 December 2009
That shook when he laughed...Like a snootful of botox. A sidewalk santa who scares the crap out of kids goes under the knife. And taxpayers picked up the $74K tab for the facelift! (guess they didn't have a public option) All this village needs for Christmas is a group rate to see a shrink. Food and Nadas...Spreading musical holiday cheer are The Nadas, a rock, acoustic, alt country band from Des Moines Iowa, and standup comic (and bass player for the Four Bitchin' Babes), Deirdre Flint with her clever tribute to all-things edible. Bon Appétit! See you tomorrow. Your turn to bring the golden rings. Hey, if you're enjoying these daily specials, tell us! 12days@2kenscomedy.com Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens |
Wed, 16 December 2009
So 3 hens walk into a bar...Speaking of things that lay eggs, this moron near the Mason-Dixon strolls into a supermarket on a shopping spree with someone elses ID, but then reveals her true identity because... well, you gotta hear this! The only real mistake the idiot made was choosing Kroger. Nobody would have noticed at Piggly Wiggly (just ask Larry from Georgia). Music on this 3rd Day of Christmas special: Christmas Eve at the Trailer Park by greater Atlanta's popular comedy songwriter and all-around amazing musician Bill Kahler, and Old Night by the sensational and vivacious Canadian singing/songwriting duo, Dala. Four calling birds, not one a telemarketer. Life is good. Meet ya back here tomorrow for the 4th Day of Christmas. Hey, if you're enjoying these daily specials, tell us! 12days@2kenscomedy.com Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens |
Tue, 15 December 2009
We see your two turtle doves...And raise you one Blue Frosty. Some promotions genius at CBS actually thought having the kiddies favorite snowman utter lines from How I Met Your Mother and Two and a Half Men would make a wonderful holiday family feature. Needless to say, Frosty the Perv didn't go over too well with parents. Can't blame a last place network nobody watches for trying. Music on this 2nd Day of Christmas show include Hip Hop Christmas, written and performed by Mark Mangold of The Radiant Band along with Lyza Wilson and Elijah K, and Seasons of Light by two time Emmy Award winner (with 8 nominations) and creator of music for more than 500 TV shows, Michael Whelan. See y'all tomorrow. Knock 3 times and ask for French hens. Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens |
Mon, 14 December 2009
12 Days of Christmas - Day 1...Stop shopping! Parents with young daughters? We found three toys destined to set womens' rights back about six decades. Our favorite grooms daddy's little girl for a rewarding janitorial career. And you can't go wrong with the pole dancing dollie. Or maybe one that teaches nursing? Not the taking care of sick people kind, either. Doesn't make Biker Barbie or Trailer Trash Barbie look so bad now, does it. Music includes the Fa La-La-La-La Bling Blues by award-winning Canadian singer/songwriter, Janyce, and The Perfect Gift by hard rocking, Megaphone. Thanks to Ariel Hyatt & the her busy elves at Cyber PR for spreading the holiday joy. C'mon back tomorrow for our 2nd Day of Christmas absurdity. Have a merry! Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens |
Mon, 7 December 2009
Leave Tiger alone...Tiger Woods didn't invent stupid celebrity tricks. His isn't even the most inventive. If Mrs. Woods ever lets him play again (ahem), he should take a lesson or two from Kim Kardashian, Alec Baldwin, Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen or any number of other stars who've mastered what to say after the beep. Gimme a B...First global warming, and now this. Bozone is what happens when you let the public invent words. We must admit though, Washington Post readers nailed our audience with this one. Give her enough rope...Women's rights advocates in the UK have their knickers in a knot after a garden center mailed flyers to nearly a million homes urging men to make their wives "feel special this Christmas" by buying them a clothesline. Who says romance is dead? And the winner is...Ask any man. Sex is like pizza. There is no such thing as a bad one. Tell it to Jonathan Littell whose novel "The Kindly Ones" earned him both the Literary Review's Best Fiction distinction, along with the anything-but-coveted Bad Sex award. We dare you to get this image out of your head! Film at 11...KCRA-TV and Sacramento police were still searching for a man more than a week after he tried to swipe a camera from one of the station's news vans. Why he hasn't been arrested is anybody's guess. It's not like he didn't leave clues. Next time try the liquor store...Wisconsin once again makes our stupid criminal tricks segment. Here's what can happen when you plan a bank stickup, but fail to leave time for traffic. Nobody is this stupid, are they? 8 Ball Aitken...Our first journey into Aussie Swamp Music is a honkin', stompin' good time! 8 Ball Aitken is a real-deal Outback character who rattles the roof with his original blues, roots and country guitar pickin'. Strap yourself in for The Party and Yellow Moon. We thank Cyber PR for turning us on to this sizzling hot sound! Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens |