Rushmore Ready

Illinois Rod skips what he calls a hanging as state senators in the Land of Lincoln deliberate impeachment. Good thing his sister-in-law gets a vote, huh? Defiant as ever, ringmaster Blago tells media circus he's being persecuted with the best of 'em. We have the perfect defense attorney for him. No matter- he gets his own Fox soapbox by April.

Check's in the mail

No, really. You didn't get it? It's those dang USPS carriers again. Lucky for us the postal inspectors are on the case and hot on the trail (ha!) of the mail hoarders, right Butch? You bet, Sundance.

It was a charity event, honest

Extra, extra, read all about it! Media giant Gannett slashes spending; orders staff pay cuts (then, buried on page 74: News division chief and other bigwigs on luxury resort golf junket) Oops. Those damned reporters!

School buses are for sissies

Honey, should we pay for Billy's daycare, or driver ed? Mom overslept... kid missed the bus... what's a first grader to do? (we still don't know how he reached the pedals)

Tell me again, how do I collect? 

Not all the dumb auto news comes out of the Motor City. Take the new Hyundai "buyer's insurance program" for instance. No, you take it. No, you.

Wayward geese? Yeah, right! 

Our take on what really happened to US Airways Flight 1549- and what we should do about it!

Obama's big opportunity

What a moment this could be in our history. MLK is watching. Abe is watching. Millions of American retail workers are waiting. Set them free, Mr. President!

Guess the bowling alley was closed

Who says Internet dating is a waste of time? This couple found love and along the way found they have everything in common. So dad did what any proud papa would do for daddy's little girl- threw them a shindig of a wedding Normal, Illinois will not soon forget.

Good thing there wasn't an aptitude test

Poor Demetrius Robinson. All he was trying to do was please his mom. Now he's got a rap sheet. To be truthful he already had one. But the cops in Athens, Georgia share something with our boy. Smarts. Looks like we have co-nominees for this week's Darwin Awards.

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He's Movin' On Up

As Bernie Madoff holes up in a dee-lux apartment in the sky, we wonder what else is in the mail. Gee, ya think the justice system needs fixin'?

Sarah Smile

While the Hall & Oates Reunion Tour makes a pit stop at the Alaska governor's mansion, why not check out our new favorite political web site: howobamagotelected.com. And you thought our 49th state was only about grizzlies and drilling for oil. Turns out they've got vineyards, too! Although this season's crop is a tad bitter. Take that and run with it, SNL!

Heed those "Slow" signs in 'Bama, now he-uh!

Best not get caught doin' 85 in a 40 through Morgan County, Alabama. You go to jail there, you might just croak from starvation. Let's hope for his sake that good ole' boy sheriff, Greg Bartlett gets better food where he's locked up than the crap he's been serving his, um, guests. Hey, if it only happens down South, it ain't stereotypin'!

Other stuff this episode... the Word of the Year for 2008, Bush says so long (suckers), and the latest from our Blago update desk. Music heard on the show includes The South's Gonna Do It Again, by Charlie Daniels, If I Were a Rich Man by 2 Live Jews and It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, from the TV's Mr. Rogers Neighborhood.

Shoe Heard 'Round the World

We climb in off the ledge long enough to honor he who chased us out there in our special Year-in-Review epsisode. Buddy, can you spare $6,000,000,000,000 bucks? You won't see beggars with sandwich boards like this in the financial district. Nobody's fat enough anymore to carry all those zeros (and yes, we're aware of the irony). Join us as we try to fill up a whole hour on NPR with GW's legacy. Hey, I heard that. Knock it off!

Mall Warriors 

Sure wish we were young enough again to sign-up for the military. They let you play those cool video war games. They don't? Well, that's what the nice man at the mall wearing all that chest candy told us. Check out the Army's slick new recruiting tactic around the hood.

Perfect Trigger

Mustard and custard, Nellie Bell. This yarn ain't about Roy, Dale and the rest of the gang at the Double-R Bar ranch. Nope, we're out to protect your Second Amendment rights, pardner. So strap on some iron and c'mon down to the local NRA saloon for a day of learnin' shootin' safety. Yep, one day will do 'er. Darn tootin'!

Do I hear, $40 mil?

Governor Blago gets his man. No more bids, please. Oh and the Big 3 are back in our news crosshairs to close out '08. And we have not one, but two Darwin Awards nominees-of-the-year. One you've heard of, the other, well, he's an Annapolis man. Naval Academy, you know.