Mon, 29 June 2009
Mr. Magic Fingers...He may be known by this name to a certain amante (look it up) on the Argentine pampas, but this tribute is not about Mark Sanford (we'll get to him). Today we say RIP John Houghtaling. You may not have heard the name but everyone knows his work. Motels would not be half the fun without these quarter-a-ride beds. Vibrate On, Mr. Houghtaling! Don't Cry for Me...Argentina. Appalachian Trail. Ass. You can see how anyone could make such a geographical blunder. Too bad South Carolina's governor mistook the straight A's for a voters' report card. Mark Sanford says he's not stepping down. Jenny may have other ideas. Kind of a twist on that familiar cry in bars at closing time. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. Potty Pro for Fido...A couple in affluent Westchester County, NY are saving money by doing without dinner dates, movie nights and other fun stuff. But they draw the line at cutting this unique service from the family budget. (ed: we can offer them a permanent solution for the same money!) Somebody define: New Developments...CNN and other 24/7 cable news outlets continue to peddle phony urgency. And they are refining that ploy covering Michael Jackson's death. We have the sound bites to prove it. Honest officer, I'm from Saturn...Perhaps the world's dumbest excuse for driving drunk was offered up in Salt Lake City. Who knew they had college campuses in outer space? Feature tune...'When I Fly Away' by Jason Harrod will have you soaring. Thank you to Ariel and Cyber PR for giving us the 4-1-1 on this gifted singer-songwriter from NYC!
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Mon, 22 June 2009
The Pork Is in the Mail...Billing itself as The Soul of the New South Garden and Gun magazine strives to bring out the sophisticated side of Dixie. Oxymoron? Wait until you hear the table of contents. Articles on roadkill cook-offs and dove hunts, cool! We may even subscribe. Yeah, right. No brain left behind...Seattle's school super is a pip. Holding teachers hostage over a supposed lack of money is one thing. Rubbing the lie in their faces is just plain dumb. We will never run out of material. Next time rob the mafia...A Florida pot dealer is under arrest after holding up the wrong guy. He forgot the old saying: don't eat where you... well... you know. Birthday coming up?...For the woman who has everything: somebody actually invented whiskey scented panties (comes in pickle and pizza fragrance, too) and bug-resistant panty hose. Seems counter-productive to us. Feature artist...Dala are two young women from Toronto with an accoustic pop/folk sound as sweet as an early morning summer rain. We spotlight two tunes from Amanda Walther and Sheila Carabine certain to capture your soul. We open with Levi Blues off their just-released Everyone is Someone CD, and close the show with their earlier hit, Anywhere Under the Moon. Dala Trivia Contest...Yep, we have one. You have to listen for the question. First person to email us with the correct answer wins a way cool, purple Dala men's tee! Send your answer to dala@2kenscomedy.com Sorry, but contest winners in the last 60-days are ineligible. Dala dates: Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens |
Mon, 15 June 2009
Free jug with new account...Eee ha! Finally an online bank that understands your bidness. C'mon down to Redneck Bank of Oklahoma "where bankin's funner." Oh, they're real alright, darn tootin! No credit? No problem. Now go get gussied up Clara, we got us a loan to git. (Member FDIC. An equally inopportune lender). Dear Mr. Jones...Please excuse Billy from history class today. He is with me. Sincerely, Barak Obama, President. How many times is a teacher going to fall for that old trick? Apparently you can still get away with it in Green Bay. Text me an alibi, will ya...Here's a tip. Next time you burgle an apartment, leave the cellphone home. Makes it harder to text what you're up to. Harder to be caught, too. Papa smurf would be so proud...There's a new world's record for the number of small blue characters showing up at the same bar. Yes, the record remains in the UK (no, it wasn't Ireland). Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens Ayuh.org free classified ads for Mainers!
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Mon, 8 June 2009
Penguin poop...Scientists now track these birds' migration by satellite. What we learn is, if it stinks, it ain't extinct. Knock, knock...Green police calling. Power companies in the US are installing "smart meters" to help us conserve. In the UK they may go one better. Have a nice day. A stich in time...A group of prisoners in Arkansas outfoxed their jailers and escaped. Given what it is the cons inside make, you would think somebody would have seen this coming. Grand View gone..Remember that topless coffee shop that caused such a stir in Vassalboro, Maine? It burned to the ground. Authorities say arson. Gee, and only a day after the owner applied for a strip club permit. Where do they mount the gun rack?...Tennessee is drawing closer to making it legal to carry a concealed gun in a bar. In Kentucky, a pastor is promoting 'Bring Your Gun to Church Day' to honor the Second Amendment. What's next, separation of south and brains? Feature tune...'Hot Rod Hop' by the Hot Rods, an LA group bringing back old time rock 'n roll. Find this and all the music we play on the Podsafe Network. Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens |
Mon, 1 June 2009
There's 2 hours shot...Do yourself a favor. If you see Black Hole in the TV listings, keep flipping. This made-for-the-tube sci-fi flick was aptly named. But it does answer the nagging question, "whatever happened to Judd Nelson?" My other disguise is Albert Einstein...Invention is the mother of necessity. But robbing a convenience store wearing THIS? C'mon nobody is that stupid, are they? They get O.T. for this?...Nice thing about wild wedding parties in Louisiana. When a guest refuses to pull up his pants there's no need to summon the law. Cops down there pull wedding detail. Honeymoon got delayed a tad though, what with the groom in custody. Anyone seen the dead guy?...We know some customs are different in South America, but making the deceased take the long way home to his final resting place seems a little odd. Perks for the perky...A hospital in the Czech Republic figured out how to solve their nursing shortage. Apparently all you have to do is mention "free boob job" and the job apps come pouring in! Now what do you suppose they will offer when need more docs? Yeah, right...This year's crop of Harvard Business School MBAs is pledging to act responsibly, ethically and refrain from advancing their own ambitions at the expense of others. Is nothing sacred anymore? Our feature tune...Belongs to a delightful new young talent from NYC by way of France. Clara Bellino and "Peaceful Solution" will capture your heart. Let's hope her message catches on. Like all the music we play you can hear this one on the Podsafe Music Network. Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens |