Bad First Dates ... Ring in 2013 with a "test drive?" A newb. Did he/she pop THE question: "what's your Credit score?" Richard Marx... Quick, living or dead? (we'll wait for Google to load) What's it all mean? C'mon you know by now- ya gotta listen! Happy New Year! Music from Canada: Josh Hutchinson & The Coastlines, a [...]

Sushi cologne shouts 'Get out of my bedroom!' St. Nick here with gift tips to save your sorry ass from sofa Siberia. Oh nuts, too late! Face it, she isn't with you for your brain! I mean, Santa's farting butt travel pillow? For the kids how about a show-and-tell book like "The Night Daddy Went to Jail?" (probably for offing [...]

Just in time... You only get one funeral. Shouldn't it feel special? (assuming we keep our senses) Aren't you glad somebody told you about this before the 20th? Other stuff we didn't make up... Santa goes smokeless (involuntarily) .. Last minute gift ideas for people you (hope to) never see again .. How not to succeed at carjacking. [...]

Super-Heroes with bathroom plungers? Stripper poles for pick-up trucks? WTF is jolly ole' Rotundo snorting? Happy Christmas, kiddies! (don't eat the blue M&Ms) Out of work? Job Doc to the rescue! Advice to ace your Skype interview. Of course, ya gotta consider the source. You CAN make it up .. if you write for THIS newspaper. Music [...]

Mayan math for Dummies (YRMV)... fumble tongue or Freudian slip? ... America's most embarrassing places to live ... freelance writer jobs nobody covets ... and pedestrian hit thyself. Music from R.E.M. and Kalen.

This week ... a local TV anchor duo commit career suicide in the name of independence.  Doubt Ben Franklin would've approved, but hey- it's your life. You've a right to trash it. Just baked... a fresh batch of Fun with English. Oh, about that stupid headline? Don't take it personally officer, the dead rarely speak with anyone. [...]

Pilgrims 1,776 Indians First Settlers 0 Wal-Mart, K-Mart and Sears are kicking tradition's ass this week, but the big loser- boycott or no- is the NFL Network as families flock (it says here) to scarf down electronic gadget bargains on a major holiday. You SEE what a mess Charlie Webster started? Thought Lincoln fixed this crap. Free those retail slaves [...]

The first thing we do... Let's kill all the lawmakers. With apologies to the Bard, Election Day seems an ideal time to repeal some of the dumbest, most absurd, looniest LAWS ever passed in these here United States! Chicago's justice system is humming along as you'd expect. SNAFU! And then there's the pot growing bozo who ... [...]

Sandy Dunkin! Please pick up the tink- um- pink courtesy phone. Now boarding. Second star to the right and straight on till morning. Some storm, eh? As the winds howl and rattle your mind, we hope each and every one of you is high and dry, safe & sound. Here’s our Hurricane Sandy edition of You [...]

All juiced up and nowhere to go... Coppers are cleaning up crime in bloody old England one blind man at a time. Call that a sword? No, 'tis me stick, twit! ZAP!!! Have a little fire, scarecrow. You really can’t make up this crap. Speaking of which... Got manure? Take a ride on America’s first-ever [...]

New smartphones for our staff! Saved big $ and helps the "Re-Elect Harper" gang dump evidence. Anyone seen the Tar Sands truck? This week's show... Music radio format change: FAIL! Dumbest bank robber EVER! $11,000 coffee maker IT Help Desk? My screen drips PLUS, music from Brooklyn's "Dynasty Electric." Electronica meets psychedelic meets soul. We hear Blondie. What's [...]

Nothing like campaign season, right? We know you can’t wait for it to be OVER! Step into our voting booth. No need to research candidates. Pick a celebrity and cast your ballot! Can’t get any worse. It's not logical. ;-) WTF?? A new addition to the list of the world's most hazardous golf courses. Fun With English. You [...]

Hey Dixie, pay up! Three years ago NOBODY read this rag magazine. So 2 Kens saved 'em from belly upville. Today they're flush as a hog in a double wide. Don't believe it? Listen. Dammit, Bobby! A teen walks into a liquor store with a fake Bobby Hill ID. Dozens of shops, actually. How'd that work out? What do you think? [...]

2 fer Tuesday... Two shows in one week?! Yep. After a month off everyone's favorite malaprop, “Fun With English” fumbles the news. The police blotter was overflowing while we were away, and we've two robbers so stupid, even the newspaper called them MORONS! MUSIC .. Country rocker Patty Mattson is back with tracks from her [...]

As tourist traps go... Dildo, Newfoundland guarantees to tickle your imagination and satisfy your wanderlust. Be sure to try the sticky pudding. No, really. Don't wrap it, bag it! Would you pay $300 for a brown paper bag? Women everywhere are doing it. Would we lie to you? Music this show from country rock sensation, Patty Mattson! [...]

We're still hangin' with your therapist [phttt] on the vacation you paid for. To ease our guilt here's a brand new show! Big thanks to Mitt, Ochocinco, Humble Bolt, the NYC Taxi Authority, and one pure genius who got creative with a Sharpie and - PRESTO! - Instant Church! Music from Billboard's Top 30 Summer Songs of [...]

Ah, vacation time! Sun, sand and ... *needle scratch* Before loading up our woodie and heading for surf city we dropped a little something in your beach bag. One of our 10 Best of Shows e v e r! Here's the quickee version of "Checking Out?"... Want the full-length version? Here 'tis...

I got your therapy right here! Imagine a world without shrinks, aka: August. We also considered pulling the plug, but couldn't be responsible (shut up!) for those long lines at the ledge. Relax ding-a-lings, your PC duo will hold your hand till the docs return. Just wondering though, where do the white noise machines go in [...]

Lava lamp? Check! Add waterbed, Barry White and a bong and you get happier cows! It's the latest craze sweeping dairyland USA so pull up a milking stool and pull a spell. Are you smarter than the mayor of Des Moines? He thinks thousands are fleeing his city. He heard it on The Onion. Is that bridge in [...]

Escape hatch from hell... Ask yourself: why am I still single? Don't blame the cat. Disaster dating is the problem. But thanks to eHarmony you can play their field *and* have unlimited get-out-of-jail-free cards! (bonus: after six bad dates you have enough phony sob stories to write for daytime TV!) Mayor Dumbass from New Mexico... He'll run for President [...]

Grill this... As America's heat wave toasts the elderly, Granny & Gramps have bigger problems. TV weather-guessers watchers have become downright militant! Happy Independence Day Papi! Other stuff we can't make up... Michigan invades the men's room to fight drunk driving. We have the inside scoop on new patents for stuff nobody asked for or needs. And meet another moron [...]

Obama fires Senate... Germany invades Poland. British demand U.S. state. Listen to what happens when idiots New Yorkers can't tell fact from fake! More stuff we didn't make up... Summer fests you didn't know existed... A car thief who messed with the wrong cowboy... Fun with English! (so THAT's what proof readers do?) Fired Up! No Canadian [...]

Summertime... And the livin' is EZ. Strip down, kick back and get loosey goosey with us as we roll out those Lazy (nighty night smart phone), Hazy (how high were you on Commencement Day?), Crazy (psst: Little Women author died a virgin!) Days of stuff you cannot make up! Get down tonight... Do a little dance to [...]

Does Patty Duke know? They laugh alike, they walk alike, at times they even talk alike - they're MARRIED, they're two of a kind! Forget the ugly wife supposition, all you need to stay happilly weeded wedded for the rest of your life is an ugly wardrobe. For two. Speaking of tacky... Planning brand suicide. Hire the PR brains [...]

Ellie Mae Clampett ... Please pick up the red courtesy phone. Kentucky finally hit the tourism motherlode. Yep, bigger 'en better than Beverly Hillbillies reruns and Roadkill Bingo. And you can ketch it on the History Channel rat naw. Leave to those kissin' cousins from another time The Hatfields & McCoys to bring folks a runnin' from miles [...]

20th Century Skunk... Hollywood missed the boat, this first movie-going weekend of summer. The boat in question spans multiple football fields, so you see just how myopic the film industry has become. Don't look for tinsel town's next blockbuster (cue laugh track) "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter." It doesn't open until late June. On the Navy's [...]

Victoria Day in Canada has us waxing nostalgic for the good old days when men were men and Prince Albert came in a can. This week's show is loaded (watch your step). Bovine hijinks afoot to benefit a student kegger. Towns nobody calls home. Cats and Dogs 1, Rome 0. How NOT to hide evidence from the cops. Music for [...]

Missed it by that much... Mom's Day gifts for next year? Stupid.com has you covered when the ding bat who raised you finally fesses up that you're ... ADOPTED! Free love with benefits! Sweden offers the world's 6th best quality of life, just ahead of Canada (US 12th). Best of all, if pilling up DUI's is your [...]

Release the hounds... Hung over from May 5th and unable to afford air fare to Pamplona, we cheaped it out in Kansas City. Some PR flack thought THIS could help the city's image? Are you dumber than...? While pulling a robbery, avoid saying "give me all your cash." Unpredictable things happen. Kiss this! Meet 8 small time [...]

Gray matters... Think the culture can't possibly fry more brain cells online? You haven't met Drinkify! Booze made for music. Need a sure-fire way to end a relationship quickly? Go hunting with Steve & Lisa. And his invisible hog. The critter nuts are coming! Bird brains versus cat crazies in Concord, Mass. More "Fun with English" and a stupid criminal trick. Enjoy [...]

Three years and four months ago ... We set out to prove that stupidity is the world's richest resource. An endless, bottomless treasure trove of hilarity. 199 shows later we're still shucking oysters and harvesting pearls of idiocy. Enjoy our Bicentennial edition! And keep the lunacy coming. Musical guest: Brooklyn singer/songwriter Lexie Roth. Linkage: TP dilemma? Oh, [...]

Tit for Tax Fake boobs. Free beer. Arsonist fee. Since the Boston Harbor social, people have tried to sneak the the wackiest deductions past the Tax Man. Some of 'em worked! Are you smarter than an IRS examiner? Find out. Toilet trained... Where most tweets belong. When in Rome... And here you thought it impossible to ruin the decorum. [...]

Jewish cuisine is an oxymoron... Passover it on. Ah, Pesach. Eight days of pushing aside good tasting food and drink for ... yuck! Keeping Kosher not your thing? Say it with us... Bacon! Oh, get over yourself. Nothing here is sacred. (see 12 Days of Dumb). Hey, c'mon back next week and we'll wreck Easter [...]

Greetings from the Bog ... Grab a vodka cranberry and set a spell. What? You expected college hoops, babes and beer? Didn't know spelling was required? Perfect! Our monthly Fun With English snafu is cued & ready to roll. Don't worry. We'll speak slowly. Just push the little PLAY button below (hint: it's the only four letter word there so [...]

Longer days and shorter shows... Mobile fans demanded it and we laughed listened. Cram this show in your iPhone-addicted ear. This week... a village idiot mayor in Italy tells residents it's illegal to die... We found arguably the most insipid credit card fraud ever... more proof that local TV news should be blown up... and dumb and dumber get [...]

Now just imagine trying this with a CAT!

Self-serve... Frankly, we thought it was a tad early weather-wise to be cleansing the gene pool—but Gary Banning in North Carolina had other ideas. Yes, the season’s very first Darwin Award Nominee goes out in a blaze of glory with his first (and last) appearance on You Can’t Make It Up! Other stuff we didn't make [...]

Listen as we connect the stupidity dots to old #19, the great Johnny Unitas. No time for the radio show? Try our CliffNotes. 1] played at Louisville (Kentucky) 2] State's tourism boss axed for botched PR job outsourced to the UK . 3] Video above? UK cable channel. 4] There's this guy (from the UK) who married 19 women. Divorced once. Oops! [...]

Let them eat cake... Our crack research staff, we call 'em Team Stupid, stepped up to make our Fun With English edition a winner. Big thanks to Andi in Toronto for digging up that sign. Tempting to stock up on domestics, but then go explain THAT lot at the border. Kudos to T in Tennessee for tipping us [...]

Seasoned to taste(less)... Naked thief (except for socks) tasered at Walmart.. TV news, doggie style .. Corn fed and bonkers for bacon (goooo Hawkeyes!).. App dating for  basement trolls (who's on 3rd?) .. 3-wheelin' drunken pianist. Magical mystery tour... Our guest band “Secret Skwirl”…? Ain’t their real name. It’s a real mystery and you can start gathering [...]

Chemistry, chocolate, sausage and sewage ... And if you're not sick yet, toss in love and madness. It's how we humans half-bake relationships hoping for happiness every Feb 14. Assuming you're still aboard the Tilt-A-Whirl of romance, we found some bizarre, last-minute Valentine gift ideas certain to bring one of two results tonight. Nobody's ever survived either of 'em. [...]

Cons 1, Cops 0 ... Prison pranksters in Vermont might as well have yelled Sooie! State police cars there sport decals featuring the image of a pig. Only took officials four years to notice. BBQ anyone? Someone say pig? No matter HOW much you love BACON, we found something that could have you gagging on it. And no, [...]

She ain't called Jezebel for nothin We failed to get sued last time we tried, so we’ll try harder. Taking dead aim at a stupid LAWYER should work. Poor bastard thinks defamation of character applies to the Web. Hell hath no fury, dude! Other crap we didn't make up... 104 yr old judge goes out blazing.. [...]

Gas menagerie... Puppet court, and DC rats, oh my. This one's for you, TSA (icing optional) Music from Meghan Cary includes title track to her upcoming album "Building This House."

Angst for the memories... So your New Year’s resolution (fool) was to dump someone. What do you do with all their “stuff?” Helpful little anti-cupids that we are, there actually is an answer! Remember: we’re not responsible for the consequences. Think of us as the HMO of comedy. btw... some dump-ees share a big relationship [...]

Gearing up for sweeps month... Local TV news has never been more fun to rip. If you're a Neilson Family, cover your ears because we take dead aim at a shrink wrapped news team in Nashville, and a station in Detroit that could drag us into their legal mess before nightfall. Is Denny Crane still [...]