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On the 12th Day of Christmas...  

More than a few unsuspecting spouses today unwrapped one of the fastest selling gift ideas ever. Pray this isn't under your tree unless, of course, you're doing the giving. One size fits all. No batteries needed. Satisfaction guaranteed. No more hints. You will just have to listen (maybe if you had done more of that you wouldn't be receiving one of these).

Holiday music from John Lennon, Darrell Smith and Straight No Chaser.

We hope you've enjoyed these special daily Christmas shows. The 2 Kens are taking a couple weeks holiday. Our regular weekly podcast returns Monday, Jan. 11, 2010.

Happy New Year to the world's greatest fans!!!

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Alert Scotland Yard?...

Nah, it was mere child's play for cops in Cardiff, Wales to pinch these bumbling bank robbers who apparently forgot the first rule of theft: make an inconspicuous getaway. Combined, they got nearly 40 years in the pokie. Let's hope they're no better at getting out than they were getting in.

Holiday cheer on this Christmas Eve: My Christmas Wish by Lisa Hugo, and Christmas Time is Near by Paul Kloschinsky. 

See you tomorrow. Don't forget milk & cookies for the fat man. Always tip your waitstaff.

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On the 10th Day of Christmas...

Kris Kringle gifted us with seven of the dumbest humans ever to attempt a crime. If you needed proof that if breathing required thought, the terminally stupid would be dead - here it is! Warning: do not drink liquid while listening to this show in the presence of others. Spurting nose bubbles isn't polite.

39 again? ...

You Can't Make It Up is one year old today. If you've been with us from the start, check yourself into a psych ward (remember them?). You're done. Congratulations! You're now just like us.

Our musical holiday cheer is from Band Aid II with Do They Know It's Christmas?, Janyce, with her tribute to all those serving America away from home this time of year, Home Sweet Home, and teen sibling band, Whitlock with Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas.

See you tomorrow with our 11th Day of Christmas. If you're male and are nimble on your feet, we need you. Eleven ladies, no waiting.

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Your other left...

It was a scam so incredibly ill-conceived, you wonder how the agency that oversees driver testing for all of England missed it. Two men, one mission: to pass driving exams while posing as other people. Dozens of them. These cheats would then pay the two frauds, but only if they passed the test. Which almost never happened. Authorities eventually caught on. The poor (literally) and horribly bad drivers are behind bars. No doubt plotting their next brilliant scheme.

Musical guests: Geoff Smith (Christmas Time Around The World) and Corey Smith (Christmas Song).

See you tomorrow for our 10th Day of Christmas special. Don't forget to tip your pipers.

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Dear Elin...

You've been a good little girl so Santa's bringing you a divorce. iPhone App developers are cashing in at the Apple store. Like the guy who wrote Santa Message 4U. Inspired by a mom with four little kids, this app didn't go far enough. Imagine all the helpful little things the jolly fat man could coerce your kiddies into doing. We did.

Music on this 8th Day of Christmas includes Christmas in New York by Mark Mangold, and Simple Love by Joshua Stedman. Have a Merry!

See you tomorrow with Day 9. Leave the drummers home. Some of us are trying to sleep.

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Tony Soprano would be so proud...

Take that you dastardly lender! Now you can play the ultimate bailout revenge arcade game this holiday season. Too bad all the fun is being had in UK. Still, it's reassuring to know that these warm feelings we Americans have for the banking industry are universal. Step right up folks! Just 40p buys you 30 seconds of bopping bald banker bliss.

Celtic music this Seventh Day of Christmas is Carol of The Bells from the Inner Splendor album, In The Spirit Of Peace - An Irish Holiday Celebration, featuring the enchanting voices of Ann Malone and Sarah Warwick. We thank Ariel and Cyber PR for sharing this wonderful piece with us!

See you tomorrow for our 8th Day of Christmas special. Get here early. Wouldn't want to miss that maids milking contest.

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Fans behaving badly...

Taunting at a SQUASH match?! Unruly fans are making it difficult to distinguish a collegiate sporting event from a retail store on Black Friday. Take this month's clash at Animal House U. (aka: Dartmouth) when the Big Green racqueteers took the court against arch Ivy League rival and national squash powerhouse (you rarely see these two words together) Harvard. Some students (aka: tomorrow's leaders) pelted Crimson men and women players with obscenity-laced insults witnesses described as misogynistic, homophobic, and anti-Semitic. Mom and dad must be so proud.

Music of the season compliments of Canadian folk, altenative rock artists Becky and Ryan Anderson and their band F&M with A Scoundrel's Christmas, and the soulful sound of the well-traveled Joshua Stedman with The Gift.

See you tomorrow with our special Swan Swimsuit Issue. And if you're enjoying these daily shows, tell us! 12days@2kenscomedy.com

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No gelt, no glory...

As you light an 8th candle this Hanukah, give thanks to those brave souls who endured scorn and ridicule to modernize Dreidel, the world's most boring game. Poker your bag? Try your luck where no-limit wagers rule. Or head out to the The Spinagogue. Major League Dreidel leagues are forming now. What's next, Second Life Dreidel?

Musical guest this 5th Day of Christmas is the Kathy Fleischmann Band. Four seasoned singer/songwriter/musicians from NY who mix blues, rock, jazz and folk. But if you're looking for more sweetness & light this season, be advised, "Christmas Train" is not your typical holiday tune.

See you tomorrow. Hope you like goose omelette. With six birds in the yard we've got eggs coming out our...

Hey, if you're enjoying these daily specials, tell us! 12days@2kenscomedy.com

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That shook when he laughed...

Like a snootful of botox. A sidewalk santa who scares the crap out of kids goes under the knife. And taxpayers picked up the $74K tab for the facelift! (guess they didn't have a public option) All this village needs for Christmas is a group rate to see a shrink.

Food and Nadas...

Spreading musical holiday cheer are The Nadas, a rock, acoustic, alt country band from Des Moines Iowa, and standup comic (and bass player for the Four Bitchin' Babes), Deirdre Flint with her clever tribute to all-things edible. Bon Appétit! See you tomorrow. Your turn to bring the golden rings.

Hey, if you're enjoying these daily specials, tell us! 12days@2kenscomedy.com

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So 3 hens walk into a bar...

Speaking of things that lay eggs, this moron near the Mason-Dixon  strolls into a supermarket on a shopping spree with someone elses ID, but then reveals her true identity because... well, you gotta hear this! The only real mistake the idiot made was choosing Kroger. Nobody would have noticed at Piggly Wiggly (just ask Larry from Georgia).

Music on this 3rd Day of Christmas special: Christmas Eve at the Trailer Park by greater Atlanta's popular comedy songwriter and all-around amazing musician Bill Kahler, and Old Night by the sensational and vivacious Canadian singing/songwriting duo, Dala.

Four calling birds, not one a telemarketer. Life is good. Meet ya back here tomorrow for the 4th Day of Christmas. Hey, if you're enjoying these daily specials, tell us! 12days@2kenscomedy.com

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We see your two turtle doves...

And raise you one Blue Frosty. Some promotions genius at CBS actually thought having the kiddies favorite snowman utter lines from How I Met Your Mother and Two and a Half Men would make a wonderful holiday family feature. Needless to say, Frosty the Perv didn't go over too well with parents. Can't blame a last place network nobody watches for trying.

Music on this 2nd Day of Christmas show include Hip Hop Christmas, written and performed by Mark Mangold of The Radiant Band along with Lyza Wilson and Elijah K, and Seasons of Light by two time Emmy Award winner (with 8 nominations) and creator of music for more than 500 TV shows, Michael Whelan.

See y'all tomorrow. Knock 3 times and ask for French hens.

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12 Days of Christmas - Day 1...

Stop shopping! Parents with young daughters? We found three toys destined to set womens' rights back about six decades. Our favorite grooms daddy's little girl for a rewarding janitorial career. And you can't go wrong with the pole dancing dollie. Or maybe one that teaches nursing? Not the taking care of sick people kind, either.

Doesn't make Biker Barbie or Trailer Trash Barbie look so bad now, does it.

Music includes the Fa La-La-La-La Bling Blues by award-winning Canadian singer/songwriter, Janyce, and The Perfect Gift by hard rocking, Megaphone. Thanks to Ariel Hyatt & the her busy elves at Cyber PR for spreading the holiday joy.

C'mon back tomorrow for our 2nd Day of Christmas absurdity. Have a merry!

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Leave Tiger alone...

Tiger Woods didn't invent stupid celebrity tricks. His isn't even the most inventive. If Mrs. Woods ever lets him play again (ahem), he should take a lesson or two from Kim Kardashian, Alec Baldwin, Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen or any number of other stars who've mastered what to say after the beep.

Gimme a B...

First global warming, and now this. Bozone is what happens when you let the public invent words. We must admit though, Washington Post readers nailed our audience with this one.

Give her enough rope...

Women's rights advocates in the UK have their knickers in a knot after a garden center mailed flyers to nearly a million homes urging men to make their wives "feel special this Christmas" by buying them a clothesline. Who says romance is dead?

And the winner is...

Ask any man. Sex is like pizza. There is no such thing as a bad one. Tell it to Jonathan Littell whose novel "The Kindly Ones" earned him both the Literary Review's Best Fiction distinction, along with the anything-but-coveted Bad Sex award. We dare you to get this image out of your head!

Film at 11...

KCRA-TV and Sacramento police were still searching for a man more than a week after he tried to swipe a camera from one of the station's news vans. Why he hasn't been arrested is anybody's guess. It's not like he didn't leave clues.

Next time try the liquor store...

Wisconsin once again makes our stupid criminal tricks segment. Here's what can happen when you plan a bank stickup, but fail to leave time for traffic. Nobody is this stupid, are they?

8 Ball Aitken...

Our first journey into Aussie Swamp Music is a honkin', stompin' good time! 8 Ball Aitken is a real-deal Outback character who rattles the roof with his original blues, roots and country guitar pickin'. Strap yourself in for The Party and Yellow Moon. We thank Cyber PR for turning us on to this sizzling hot sound!

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Moooo...

Ten cows, one dream: to be the next California Happy Cow! And this web site wants you to decide which talking bossy gets to go. Can TV ads get any goofier?

Ooh, that smell...

When residents in section of the Land Down Under ripe for brush fires complained of a natural gas odor, fire crews in Victoria, Australia lept into action. But how do you put out a very big and very flatulent pig?

100 Proof bird...

An Irish pub in Midtown Manhattan toasted Thanksgiving by serving toasted Turkey. The recipe is easy. Soak old Tom in high-octane Russian vodka, give your customers straws (for the vodka shot reservoir the boozed bird is served with), and top off the meal with a free cab ride home. Admit it. Family holidays are best spent getting blitzed.

Driving while stupid...

If you've been following along you know there's no shortage of dumbness behind the wheel. Like the guy near Pittsburgh who didn't realize (until firefighters flagged him down) that his van was ablaze. Or the two men in the Czech Republic who got lost, and actually DID stop to ask directions. Trouble is they asked police. Oh, and they were wanted.

More coffee?...

Brazil is second only to the US in coffee consumption. Or maybe not. Maybe that's corn, soy and wood they're drinking. In Rio, who can tell?

But she can type...

Her boss was late getting to his flight so she did what any quick-thinking secretary would do. We don't recommend it. Airport security has zero sense of humor.

Feature artist...

The Philadelphia Inquirer calls 'Slo-Mo' Philly's "best and only, funky hip-hop steel-guitar band." Mike Slo-Mo Brenner & Mic Wrecka got it goin' on with their hot CD, Gimme What You Got. Enjoy!

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Potty training...

Dr. Stool, aka Anish Sheth says there is much you can learn about yourself in the bathroom. A gastroenterologist by trade Stool Man has written two books dealing with what our pee, poo and gas tell us about our health. Don't know about you but we prefer our bodily functions not speak. (extra credit if you know how many times a day you're supposed to break wind)

I want my CUPCAKES! ...

While most of us fret over unemployment, health care costs and those wacky Taliban, folks in and around Berkeley CA worry about where their next cupcake fix will come from. A city ban prevents a popular mobile bakery from dispensing these sweet delights from parking meters. Worry not, sugar junkies, sign this petition (it's real) and take back your cakes!

Over the river and thru Concourse A...

To grandmother's house we go this Thanksgiving. Be careful what you pack. Those always-helpful TSA airport inspectors have new marching orders. (hint: leave the leftovers with granny)

Honk if you see Eric...

As every woman knows, men will not stop to ask directions. Aussie octogenarian Eric Steward went waaay out of his way to prove the point. Poor old guy would still be driving if he hadn't run out of land. (No truth to rumors, by the way, that FBI agents in San Diego believe Eric could be the Geezer Bandit.)

Support your local sheriff...

Heard the one about the pot farmers who loaded up their hemp and moved to.. well.. too damned close to the law? That's why -- say it with us -- they call it dope.

Feature artists...

F&M is a Canadian folk/alternative/pop band started seven years ago by Ryan & Becky Anderson. The one-sheet says their music is "gently sardonic, dark and hopelessly clever." We think you will find their Every Light Must Fade CD to be much more. We're giving one away in the first 5 minutes!

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Celebrate with us...

Our golden anniversary show features an exclusive interview with Rex Fowler who, alongside Neal Schulman these past 37 years, have been the folk rock duo Aztec Two-Step. We spotlight several tunes from their Days of Horses CD, music - The Boston Globe opined - reflecting American pop culture and these legendary artists ride through it.

Putt-putt, Japanese style... 

Small country, limited land for sprawling golf courses or practice space to work on your game. Enter, the world's first combination bra and putting green. This one talks back when you sink your shot. (we heard that!)

Arrrrnold likes VIDLY...

The governator uses video sharing service VIDLY. Shouldn't you? It lets you point your Twitter tweeps to Vidly. Um, we know fiscal times are tough in California, but how much can Schwarzenegger be getting paid to hype redundant technology (hello? YouTube!) 

Must have been traffic court ...

So this perp goes to court, swears to tell the truth, and raises his right ... well... not his whole hand.

You liked Garden & Gun...

Now enjoy three more magazines we've unearthed that really exist. Why, we haven't a clue. You can guess what Imbibe and a similar publication, Draft magazines are for, but we defy you to identify the market for Garden Railways. If you can they probably will hire you.

Quiet! The mailman will hear you.

A British couple aren't taking a summons for violating a noise ordinance, lying down. Well, they are, but that's the point. No worries, she has an excuse. A note from her sex therapist. Oh, good.

Do over...

If you're on the lamb but don't like the mug shot the cops are circulating, here's an idea. We will NEVER run out of material.

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This is CN - um - Fox...

James Earl Jones may want to record a disclaimer after the most recent screw up at CNN. Gotta love cable news wars. We'll never run out of fresh material.

Miracle of birth, profanity and all...

Streamed live over the Internet for all the world to see. A Minnesota school teacher plans to chat with viewers during delivery. Don't end the humiliation there. Name the kid, Google.

In case of emergency...

Unhook bra... pull cups apart... place over your face - and the man of your choice. Bra-mask was invented by a Chicago researcher who clearly has way too much free time. Darn. Wish we knew about this before Halloween.

You should see him in a car wash...

Heard about the perp who attemped a drive-by shooting, but forgot to roll down the window? You guessed it. Wisconsin. 

Three's company...

A Tax-a-chusetts town has come up with a clever little scheme to pad their coffers by picking on cat lovers. More than three and you pay a fee.

Last brain to Clarksville...

Memo to the town fathers of this Indiana burg: next time you decide to shell out $1 million on a new fangled fire truck, first have somebody measure the fire house.

Loomis & The Lust...

Our feature artist has taken Santa Barbara CA by storm by taking funk rock back to the 70s. Get down with two of their tunes, Break on Love and Sweetness.

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Banished to the cornfield...

Facebook spells out their policy for dead users. Turns out you need proof to bury your departed loved one's profile. Probably in FarmVille. It doesn't get much goofier than this.

What's German for "this is ART?"...

"Long Live the Graveyard!" That's the slogan for an ad campaign by cemetery gardeners in Deutschland. They hope to change your thinking about death. After they plant shrubs around you does it matter what visitors think?

DUI for Dummies...

Think it's easy being a patrol cop? One minute a drunk clown is bearing down on you, the next a tipsy, sopping wet cow is blaming a GPS malfunction for making your day.

Bloated burgers for bloated software...

Seems like a fair swap. Microsoft and BK Japan team up to bring you -- well, it ain't health care reform. The O in OS must stand for obesity.

Somebody alert Ted Turner... 

Bookies will love him. NFL officials may castrate him. Chad Ochocinco's vast posse on Twitter could be in for a treat. The Cincinnati Bengals receiver who changed his legal last name from Johnson to his uniform number (you get the picture) plans to start his own NFL news service on Twitter called OCNN (smell a lawsuit?) to compete with mainstream media. Oh goodie, we need more of that!

TV never looked better...

Some day all programming will be delivered this way. Until then, these two geniuses probably should give up crime.

Ten Year Vamp...

Our feature artist is a female fronted power pop band from Albany, NY. Debbie Gabrione and Ten Year Vamp have won numerous regional and national awards, sold thousands of CDs, hit the Billboard charts, played 100-200 shows a year the past six years and shared the bill with bands like Nickelback, 3 Doors Down, Lifehouse and the Spin Doctors -- all without benefit of a major label. They've been dubbed the next No Doubt. Give a listen to 'Never Know' and judge for yourself.

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For Sale: Low mileage, loaded...

Just like the owner. Cops say LeRoy Anderson was blotto when he crashed his souped-up La-Z-Boy into a parked car. Now you can own this little beauty (the chair, not LeRoy). No word whether the stereo still works.

Well, he does wear stripes...

When your hosts are not trying to be funny (emphasis on trying) one of us is a basketball ref (true) being hunted (sorta) by Freddie the neighborhood bail bondsman. You know you're curious.

Ignorance isn't just bliss...

it's apparently epidemic. We offer 68 seconds of proof from some of the dumbest folks ever to have a news microphone thrust in their faces. Thanks to our friends at funnieststuff.net!

Dying for dollars... 

A local station in Saginaw MI is betting that paid obits will be a big rainmaker for them. The grieving family can get poor, dead Uncle Bob on the evening news - and splattered (sorry) across ObitMichigan.com for only $100. Just in time for Halloween.

No rush your honor...

Two more stupid criminals for your enjoyment. What one of them pulled is right out of a Woody Allen movie. The other dunder head told the sentencing judge to hurry up and rule on his case.

We like Zune...

Really we do. We answer email from a listener who sounds way too informed about Microsoft's new and improved mp3 & video player to be only a consumer. Betcha he won't do that again.

You don't need a Harvard degree...

to make stupid investments. But it seems to help.

Feature artist...

Assembly of Dust is the musical genius of singer-songwriter Reid Genauer. If you get off on The Band, Neil Young, Traffic and Clapton you will be bonkers over Genauer's alt-country-rock. We open with All That I Am Now featuring the great Richie Havens, and close with Arc of the Sun featuring Phish guitarist Mike Gordon.

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One extraordinary kitty...

Beeper was our best friend for nearly 17-years. She filled our home with love and happiness. She adored us, as we adored her. Miss Beeper, we love you! You will forever live in our hearts. We dedicate this week's show to her indominable spirit, gentle soul and undying friendship.

Hey, be careful out there...

For memorable one-liners Hill Street Blues had nothing on the new Wednesday night reality show, Alaska State Troopers on the National Geographic channel. COPS comes to the 49th state. Their mission: to serve and protect - drunks and wayward moose.

He's no Einstein...

Wanna bet? Meet the smartest two-year old in the history of civilization. Too bad the same thing can't be said for a Brit reporter who did the story.

Be our pen pal...

Remember we told you a couple months ago how inmates in several states sued corrections officials for making WriteAPrisoner.com taboo? Well here comes the other shoe. PrisonVoice.com, a prison pen pal service, wants to swap links with US! They think we make excellent promotion partners. We smell a sponsor!

Heard the one about...

A bear walks into a grocery store and... well, ya gotta hear this.

Reason 512 why TV news is dead?...

Greed. Which, come to think of it, covers the first 511. Wish we could get this station here. Should be fun to watch this experiment fail.

Men want fast cars because...

I give up. Let's pay a lot of money to study this. (anyone think it has something to do with women?)

THE RADIANT...

This week's feature band will rock your world with I Don't Need A Reason. Rooted in keyboards their music is akin in some ways to bands like Keane, The Fray, maybe even Coldplay. Christian Yorke, at times, reminds us of Bono. Crank it up!

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October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Help make it unnecessary.

Mars landing...

Proving yet again that old rockers never die (though for these guys cryonics might be nice), KISS is teaming up with M&Ms candies. An ad campaign just begging for Gene Simmons to scream the tagline: Bite Us!

Throw money at it...

We salute three crime victims, two of whom bravely thrwarted the bad guys. The other... not so much.

Fat City here we come! ...

ABC next spring will have a new reality show about America's love affair with obesity. A British celebrity chef is shooting the series right now, and it stars the people of Huntington West Virginia, aka the unhealthiest city in the USA. Let's go down to Hillbilly Hot Dogs and see what Jamie is cooking up.

Still room up there for skis...

Better hope your kids don't wind up riding to the game with this soccer mom.

There had to be another way...

This year's best chance for a Darwin Award might be the guy who showed his buds how to know if your gun is loaded. (sorry, Wisonsin. nobody in your state is this dumb)

Planetary Nights...

That's the great blues-rocker Bob McSweeney's band and we've got two groovy tunes from their new album, Eliptical Motion. We open with Luck Runnin' Out and close with Starting Over. Enjoy!

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Press 1 for nasty girls...

A government agency in Canada is red faced after a toll-free hot line set up to help lobster fisherman got mixed up with a number for phone sex. No wonder there's a catch limit!

Just because you CAN...

We sample 4 podcasts that have us asking WHY? We have no clue what these shows are about - and neither do the hosts! (no link- ya gotta listen)

Make Blockbuster happy...

Always helpful, we found two holiday gifts you can give to those very special people in your life. The ones you don't like. Then capture those memories on DVD but remember to rewind.

WTF?...

Leave it to Wisconsin to mess up tourism. Not safe there anyway, what with all those 10-year olds running around with hunting rifles. isn't this more fun than picking on the South?

Our feature artist this week is GroundSound, a funk-rock trio from Mahopac, NY. Nicholas and Ray Soto on bass and guitar, along with drummer John Carlucci bring us shades of Hendrix, Red Hot Chili Peppers and The Beatles. Enjoy two of their tunes, 'Get Better' and The Lake Song.

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A Putz by any other name...

This week we pay tribute to putz's and give equal time to the dumb good guys out there who are no match for the stupid criminals they chase. We go undercover on a bumbling drug raid in Florida, and follow a clueless PA police force as they hunt a bank robber who left plenty of clues- yet inexplicably is still at-large. No more sitting in a field in his-and-her bath tubs for these guys. Meet the Masters of Putz.

What does TSA stand for, really?...

Go ahead, bring the nail clippers aboard. TSA has bigger fish to fry. We have a list of items idiot travelers actually have tried to sneak past airport security. Luckily, authorities are giving those caught a chance to buy back their contraband. Only in America.

Illiterate? Write today for free help...

Used cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first. Yep, it's time for another edition of newspaper ads somebody actually wrote- and nobody edited.

Music this show includes two tunes from Brad Hammonds 'Through It All', the title track to his debut solo CD, and 'Medicine.' Brad is an amazing acoustic guitarist and singer/songwriter from NYC whose music is strongly influenced by Paul Simon and Peter Gabriel. Also, a slice of 'Everyday Life' by AlukarD, LIVE on the JAGERMEISTER TOUR.

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Man Friends...

Guys, you get the concept, now grab the CD! Male bonding takes to the stage in 'Fantasy Football: the musical?' David Ingber wrote the book, music and lyrics to this bromantic comedy that opens in NYC on Oct 1. All that's missing are the frozen tundra pipes of John Facenda. Oh, and maybe a plot, story line, acting...

Next time try speed dating...

It could have been the perfect crime. If only Stephfon Bennett had a girlfriend waiting for him at home. Ladies, cross this guy off your Gold Diggers Club list.

You lie...

Good thing for Joe Wilson that a wife cannot be forced to testify against you in court. Not that we need any more witnesses to prove you are classless.

Make two and get a free week...

A resort hotel in Aruba is offering Conception Credit. All couples have to do is produce (we heard that!) a note from their doctor that the pregnancy started there. Everyone has a price. But is this worth $200 bucks?

But did she friend him?...

Another case of high-tech meets the low IQ criminal. If only he'd remembered to close that stupid browser!

Blue Number Nine...

Back for a 3rd time on YCMIU this sassy, soulful, funky party band from Jersey City with the sexy, multi-dimensional sound of Stefanie Seskin delivers two of their originals. Gimme More Time and It's All About open and close our show.

If you're in NYC this Friday night, Sep. 25 catch bn9's high-energy music at Wicked Willys on Bleecker St in the Village. Or head on up to Naples, NY on Sunday, Sep. 27 for the annual Naples Grape Fest. Stef and the band play at 1:15.

Stefanie is acting these days, too! She plays Nell, one of five suburban moms who decide to start a band- and inadvertently become overnight sensations. 'MoM - A Rock Concert Musical' will be in Oneonta, NY for three shows, October 1-3 at the Foothills Performing Arts Center.

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Matchmaking at 40,000 feet...

Who says flying isn't the experience it once was? Depends on what you are looking for. The world's most eligible bachelors could find everlasting love just by thumbing through the in-flight magazine. If that's you, a word of caution; there is one ad that should carry a disclaimer. So we provided it. Hey, it's all part of the service.

Dumb podcast, even dumber product...

Millions and millions of videos to watch online, and we found this one. Can't think of a better way to have fun with friends than to play a game that leaves someone slightly fried. 

You want napkins with that?...

Kudos to a quick-thinking Mickey D's employee (stop laughing!) for foiling an attempted stick up. Although, the would-be bad guy probably was voted class wuss in high school.

Just don't inhale...

Learn why Central Wisconsin State Fair organizers plan to make Cricket Spitting a yearly event. Don't scoff. It is, afterall, the same state that lowered the legal hunting age to 10. If you go there, best not drink the water.

Dogs just know...

Want to preserve your lawn? Move to Oklahoma. One law still on the Sooner state's books requires dogs to have a permit signed by the mayor before they can congregate in groups of three or more on private property. They can't be that smart, can they?

From the same country that spawned free love... 

In Sweden, chuch officials think they've found a key to curbing the spread of swine flu. We figured out right away what's wrong with the scheme, and neither of us is ordained in anything.

Growing Colder by the Year...

Our feature tune is by the J.J. Soul Band from Reykjavik, Iceland. John Soul and the boys are jazz, blues, fusion GREATNESS! If you groove on Joe Cocker, Steely Dan, Tom Waits and Georgy Fame, you won't be able to stop listening to their new CD, 'Bright Lights'. You are in for a real treat. This is some of the best music we've ever played!

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Not saying it will kill ya...

Do you know what's in a Slim Jim? We have the gruesome truth. Ever had Tactical Bacon? Exactly what it sounds like. Suuuuu E! The ever-popular quadruple bypass special in a certain part of the country is deep fried butter! Unfit for human consumption. Explains why millions eat it.

Fox 31 News starts NOW...

Hot pants, bustier, stiletto heels and a big cigar. TV anchors in Denver sure know how to dress for ratings. Too bad 'R' doesn't score with Nielsen. It gets better, so listen.

Still can't drive though...

Too many people where you live? Do what Wisconsin did. Tell your lawmakers to lower the hunting age -- to 10. Don't worry mom, cheese can't shoot back.

Next time try eBay...

Troy Cosentino should market his own video on how-to-ditch your getaway vehicle. Cops in Hamden, CT were hot on his trail after Troy allegedly tried to knock over a drug store. What did Troy do with the wheels? Oooh, this is good!

My Favorite New Disaster...

That's our feature tune by Megaphone, four hard rockers from Orlando, FL. Out to "save rock n' roll from the machine", is what their publicity sheet says and darned if they aren't succeeding! Be sure to check 'em out on the Podsafe Music Network. We thank Cyber PR for turning us on to these guys and their brash and ballsy hooks!

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Mozart Pee Fest...

A tiny Austrian town pays tribute to the classical piano master, not because he played there, or even slept there. Town historians insist that Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart relieved himself there. Hey, any reason to party, right?

In heaven there ain't no beer...

Nor at the minor league baseball field in Oneonta, NY. Hasn't been any suds sold there in 40+ years. Care to guess why attendance is way down? Predictably the comments from angry Tigers fans are priceless.

There's stupid, and then there's...

The dumbest criminal on the face of the earth (at least, that we've heard about). Meet Billy J. Robinson, would-be car-jacker extraordinaire. Yet another reason to visit Peoria, Illinois.

Lizzy Borden would be proud...

The Best Made Company wants you to know, you're nothing without an axe. Who knew they had so many uses? A great gift for the whole family.

Folks keep telling us to...

Our feature tune this week is Give it Up by Comandante Zero from Brooklyn. Yep, we've played these two wonderfully talented musicians here before and can't get enough!

Do we make you laugh? Now you can say "thanks!" Please consider making a donation to our show. See the DONATE button over there on the right? It will help us keep doing this. We really appreciate your support!

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Portland's best-kept culinary secret? The Cafe' at Pat's Meat Market! Tell Morey we sent you. (and we ain't gettin' paid to say it!)

Time to say goodbye...

Cashing in life's chips soon? Have something to tell someone you can't say while you're alive (like an old boss)? A new audio service lets you do that. After you're worm food. Only $19.95 a message. We see a few potential nightmares with it, but hey, it's your money!

Shoplifters Guide to the Universe...

Did you hear about the two security guys who got fired by a big box store because they caught the bad guys? Wait until you hear this one!

Need money for booze...

Signs saying 'will work for food' don't seem to work well anymore so some street people are turning to their inner muse to get you to open your wallet. And if creativity fails, well, there's always the truth. 

Also this show... more stupid criminal hijinks, but this time we hear from the judges who sit on these cases... and what happens when you hit *77 on your cellphone in Massachusetts.

Feature tune...

Come Clean by Newfoundland's Chris Kirby. Soul, R & B and the Blues like you've never heard it delivered! Like all the music we play you can check it out on the PodSafe Music Network at Mevio.com

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Need a sugar fix? Hostess and Amazon.com have you covered with the Twinkies Cookbook... A code inspector in podunk California shuts down a kid's lemonade stand. No vendor permit... Just when you thought TV dating games had reached maximum goofy density comes 'My Antonio.' 13 women beg for a soap hunk to pick them. Thanks, VH1... Fox climbs in bed with Octomom... Here's a crafty way for home burglars to dispose of the goods. Have a yardsale... Next time you rob a bank, you might want to keep your identity a secret... Florida man downloads kiddie porn, then blames his kitty. (thanks to Stephanie L in Chicago for sending this!) You really can't make it up.

Leave the Blues Behind...

That's the title of our feature tune by Boston's Kelly Richey and her band. Like all the music we play you can check it out on the PodSafe Music Network at Mevio.com

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Bard Banned...

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In Portland, Maine the city council stripped Shakespeare from a popular local menu, raising the question: do monthly readings of sonnets and soliloquies by a group of actors really contribute to drunken rowdiness on the city's waterfront? We go straight to the source for the answer.

And the lucky cow chip goes to...

What's a county fair without a Cow Chip Raffle? Dig up a pasture and find the one with a big cash prize inside. Hurry folks, only a few chances left!

Can't wait to read the retraction...

Think about it. A woman newspaper reporter whose last name is Hooker is honored by a local group. Is this the headline you would write? (we really can't make up this stuff!)

Try the popovers...

If you're visiting London and looking for a good place to eat, may we recommend the Capital Hotel? You might want to skip dessert, though.

Kindred Souls are a six man Pop/Alternative rock band from Raritan NJ featuring the deliciously compelling voice of Jeff Rafferty. Two tunes struck a chord with us, "Can't Make It Rain" and "Whatchagonnado." The latter is the first track on their just-released EP, Social Ninja. Enjoy!

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Stormy we barely knew you...

Say ta-tah to Stormy Daniels' short-lived US senate bid in Louisiana. The porn star was busted after a domestic row with hubby. Wait! Given how much folks down there love their Bayou hot sauce this might be a plus at the polls. Stay tuned.

Maybe her marriage isn't legal...

Europeans won't get to vote for this adult entertainment star after she insisted her candidacy was an accident and blamed her husband.

How about carrier pidgeon?...

Corrections officials in several states are banning inmates from posting pen pal ads on WriteAPrisoner. The move may backfire. Inmates in Florida and elsewhere are suing, charging their First Amendment rights are being trampled. Prison authorities worry that inmates who post their profiles online are inviting trouble. Like their lives are idylic now.

Too stupid to write...

Next time you're tempted to correspond with someone on the inside, you might want to take note of the names of these two criminals. And then lose them. These two, one on each side of the Atlantic, have set the IQ bar lower than we thought possible. (p.s. this one is from the UK)

Ticked Tweet...

A tenant in Chicago blasted a management company for conditions at her apartment. She used Twitter to tell all 22 of her followers. The company sued and now the world knows. Now there's a brilliant marketing strategy!

Feature tune...

We're giving you a chance to score this music! Contest info in the first 3 minutes. Rock out with "We Both Well Know (Money)" from Spy For Hire. These four guys are from Atlanta & Columbus, GA and we want to thank them for letting us give away their debut CD, Speak in Numbers.

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Click here to get ordained...

Take photo of house. Draw cross. File with city. Presto! Instant church. Don't believe it? An Illinois state tax man did.

Stop that train!...

Or at least alert passengers to get their cameras ready. Mooning Amtrak has become an annual rite of passage in one Orange County, California  
community. The mayor was pleased that this year's event drew a smaller, more civilized (?) crowd than the rowdy mobs who dropped trow last year.

Damned hair triggers...

A guy and his bride get into a shouting match. She's dead. A single shot did it. Odd how it happened, what with the gun still in a suitcase and all. We thank Vickie K in Bristol, CT for sending us this one.

Your teacher today class will be Joe the Plumber...

We don't have governor Sarah to kick around anymore, but Joe still provides great content for our show! Now he's into US (revisionist) history.

Your mother was wrong...

Clean living is the absolute worst thing you can do to assure a long life. This guy is (was) living proof!

Our feature tune...

Hard to believe that Marc Mills and his Freehold NJ band Shakedown Inc are barely college age. Check out Cease off their Open Your Ears CD and see why we think you'll be hearing big things from these guys!

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Sorry, you're not on The List

Jezebel.com believes all blog commenters are not equal. The site's editor is taking a velvet rope approach to who gets in. A select few- the "beautiful, thoughtful, intelligent, well-argued, fair minded" humorous folks who have proven themselves worthy - are being elevated to star status. Their comments will be shown above all others. And they will decide if commoners get bumped up, or down. Jezebel. Seems aptly named.

Bellies & Baseball

The Brooklyn Cyclones minor league baseball team gave a Salute to Pregnancy at the ballpark this week. Expectant parents were invited to participate in events like Barefoot and Pregnant, Lamaze class in centerfield (pre-game, phew!), Trimester Trike races for dads and 7th Inning Stretch Marks. Grand prize? Give birth DURING the game and win family season tickets for life.

AC standard, bandoleer optional

Buy a new truck from Max Motors, get a free AK-47! Yep, a car dealer in Butler, Missouri is giving away assault rifles. Tax and license extra. Somebody should tell the Show Me state legislature. This can't possibly be legal, can it?

Don't flush

NASA can put a man on the moon, but 40 years later can't fix the space station toilet. There are 13 astronauts up there and one broken loo. Built by the lowest bidder. Is this a great country or what.

We know, the dog ate it.

Two California teens lost their homework. It was in their book bags. Left rather hastily at somebody's house. Not long after they broke in, actually. Yes their names were on the papers. But those kids have nothing on, quite possibly, the dumbest guy in Pennsylvania. He tried to stick up a retired police chief... at a cops convention.

C'est La Vie is our feature tune by Adriana Kaegi, the silky contralto who reinvents Electronica, Dance and Lounge music genres with every tune on her just-released album TAG. Amazon named it their CD of the month! Don't go away when we say goodbye. Adriana pokes fun at the upper crust who call the 'Hamptons' home- our bonus tune for you!

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Now Ms. Jones, about collateral...

Prostitutes in Amsterdam can take credit. They just can't get it. Nor a bank loan or a mortgage. Brothel owners say they are denied access to mainstream financial institutions. Lawmakers may look for incentives to get banks to open up accounts for prostitutes and the businesses they work for. But first, city councilors say they need to see evidence that the sex industry in the famed red light district is vital to Amsterdam's economy. They're kidding right?

Just call him Dead Eye...

An elderly man in a suburb of New Haven, CT needed to trim a tree limb in his yard but couldn't reach it. So he did what anyone would do (just not city folk, we hope). Nobody can say for certain how many shotgun blasts they heard, but police say the branch is still there. You will love what others had to say!

So that's how people stay hitched...

Forget game nights and bowling. Today's fun couples stay together through spirited competition. Who among us hasn't grabbed their s.o. and headed out for a rousing evening of french fry sculpting or cherry pit spitting?

The captain has turned off the no catnip sign...

Pet Airways begins flights from five US cities this week. The world's first pets-only air service promises to transport your pet with love, care, safety and comfort- all served up in the main cabin. You can't join them. Just as well, there are no seats. Wonder how the animals will handle connecting flights?

So Much Left to Say...

Nicholas Howard's music bleeds the smooth urban soul of his native NYC (Queens, to be precise). Like all the artists and tunes we feature, you can check out his God Is In The City CD on Mevio and the Podsafe Music Network. We thank Cyber PR for putting us on to Nicholas.

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Steak or sizzle?...

Judging by their warning about what may cause the iPhone 3GS to overheat, damage control ain't Apple's sweetspot. You know us, helpful to a fault. We offer some tips on how to flip this potential p.r. nightmare into a list of cool product features.

Stop spamming us! ...

We said follow us on Twitter, not pander for votes. If you're running for governor of Maine, pretending to be a fan of our show is not going to get you elected. Buuut it might get you a better rate if you want to advertise. ;-)

John Grisham wants you ...

Bernie Madoff's defense lawyer makes quite a case for a reduced sentence. Just not a good one. If you missed it, we have the sound bite.

Don't blame Blago...

MLB's all-star game approaches and you the fan get to say -- over and over again -- who plays. The voting process isn't just dumb, it's right out of Chicago's political history. Maybe we can buy a new commish.

That's why they're mob bosses...

Even behind bars these Brazilian crime kingpins know how to play the system.

Say cheese...

Heard the one about the crook who took his own mug shot? While he may be too stupid to be a home burglar, what does it say about the Suffolk, Virginia PD that they haven't found him yet?

Your "Moment of DUH"...

Australian fertility study concludes: having sex daily is recommended for couples who want to conceive. (sounds like we need another study)

Oh Canada!...

Montreal's Trina Elle delivers this week's feature tune, Stutter. Look for bold brush strokes and mega-success on this singer-songwriter's career horizon! Like all the music we play you can check this out on the Podsafe Music Network, now known as Mevio.

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Mr. Magic Fingers...

He may be known by this name to a certain amante (look it up) on the Argentine pampas, but this tribute is not about Mark Sanford (we'll get to him). Today we say RIP John Houghtaling. You may not have heard the name but everyone knows his work. Motels would not be half the fun without these quarter-a-ride beds. Vibrate On, Mr. Houghtaling!

Don't Cry for Me...

Argentina. Appalachian Trail. Ass. You can see how anyone could make such a geographical blunder. Too bad South Carolina's governor mistook the straight A's for a voters' report card. Mark Sanford says he's not stepping down. Jenny may have other ideas. Kind of a twist on that familiar cry in bars at closing time. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

Potty Pro for Fido...

A couple in affluent Westchester County, NY are saving money by doing without dinner dates, movie nights and other fun stuff. But they draw the line at cutting this unique service from the family budget. (ed: we can offer them a permanent solution for the same money!) 

Somebody define: New Developments...

CNN and other 24/7 cable news outlets continue to peddle phony urgency. And they are refining that ploy covering Michael Jackson's death. We have the sound bites to prove it.

Honest officer, I'm from Saturn...

Perhaps the world's dumbest excuse for driving drunk was offered up in Salt Lake City. Who knew they had college campuses in outer space?

Feature tune...

'When I Fly Away' by Jason Harrod will have you soaring. Thank you to Ariel and Cyber PR for giving us the 4-1-1 on this gifted singer-songwriter from NYC!

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The Pork Is in the Mail...

Billing itself as The Soul of the New South Garden and Gun magazine strives to bring out the sophisticated side of Dixie. Oxymoron? Wait until you hear the table of contents. Articles on roadkill cook-offs and dove hunts, cool! We may even subscribe. Yeah, right.

No brain left behind...

Seattle's school super is a pip. Holding teachers hostage over a supposed lack of money is one thing. Rubbing the lie in their faces is just plain dumb. We will never run out of material.

Next time rob the mafia...

A Florida pot dealer is under arrest after holding up the wrong guy. He forgot the old saying: don't eat where you... well... you know.

Birthday coming up?...

For the woman who has everything: somebody actually invented whiskey scented panties (comes in pickle and pizza fragrance, too) and bug-resistant panty hose. Seems counter-productive to us.

Feature artist...

Dala are two young women from Toronto with an accoustic pop/folk sound as sweet as an early morning summer rain. We spotlight two tunes from Amanda Walther and Sheila Carabine certain to capture your soul. We open with Levi Blues off their just-released Everyone is Someone CD, and close the show with their earlier hit, Anywhere Under the Moon.

Dala Trivia Contest...

Yep, we have one. You have to listen for the question. First person to email us with the correct answer wins a way cool, purple Dala men's tee! Send your answer to dala@2kenscomedy.com

Sorry, but contest winners in the last 60-days are ineligible.

Dala dates:
Friday July 3 Sudbury MA - Fox Run Concert 8 p.m.
Sat. July 4 New Bedford MA - Summerfest (day long event)

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Free jug with new account...

Eee ha! Finally an online bank that understands your bidness. C'mon down to Redneck Bank of Oklahoma "where bankin's funner." Oh, they're real alright, darn tootin! No credit? No problem. Now go get gussied up Clara, we got us a loan to git. (Member FDIC. An equally inopportune lender).

Dear Mr. Jones...

Please excuse Billy from history class today. He is with me. Sincerely, Barak Obama, President. How many times is a teacher going to fall for that old trick? Apparently you can still get away with it in Green Bay.

Text me an alibi, will ya...

Here's a tip. Next time you burgle an apartment, leave the cellphone home. Makes it harder to text what you're up to. Harder to be caught, too.

Papa smurf would be so proud...

There's a new world's record for the number of small blue characters showing up at the same bar. Yes, the record remains in the UK (no, it wasn't Ireland).

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Ayuh.org free classified ads for Mainers!

 

Penguin poop...

Scientists now track these birds' migration by satellite. What we learn is, if it stinks, it ain't extinct.

Knock, knock...

Green police calling. Power companies in the US are installing "smart meters" to help us conserve. In the UK they may go one better. Have a nice day.

A stich in time...

A group of prisoners in Arkansas outfoxed their jailers and escaped. Given what it is the cons inside make, you would think somebody would have seen this coming.

Grand View gone..

Remember that topless coffee shop that caused such a stir in Vassalboro, Maine? It burned to the ground. Authorities say arson. Gee, and only a day after the owner applied for a strip club permit.

Where do they mount the gun rack?...

Tennessee is drawing closer to making it legal to carry a concealed gun in a bar. In Kentucky, a pastor is promoting 'Bring Your Gun to Church Day' to honor the Second Amendment. What's next, separation of south and brains?

Feature tune...

'Hot Rod Hop' by the Hot Rods, an LA group bringing back old time rock 'n roll. Find this and all the music we play on the Podsafe Network.

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There's 2 hours shot...

Do yourself a favor. If you see Black Hole in the TV listings, keep flipping. This made-for-the-tube sci-fi flick was aptly named. But it does answer the nagging question, "whatever happened to Judd Nelson?"

My other disguise is Albert Einstein...

Invention is the mother of necessity. But robbing a convenience store wearing THIS? C'mon nobody is that stupid, are they?

They get O.T. for this?...

Nice thing about wild wedding parties in Louisiana. When a guest refuses to pull up his pants there's no need to summon the law. Cops down there pull wedding detail. Honeymoon got delayed a tad though, what with the groom in custody.

Anyone seen the dead guy?...

We know some customs are different in South America, but making the deceased take the long way home to his final resting place seems a little odd. 

Perks for the perky...

A hospital in the Czech Republic figured out how to solve their nursing shortage. Apparently all you have to do is mention "free boob job" and the job apps come pouring in! Now what do you suppose they will offer when need more docs?

Yeah, right...

This year's crop of Harvard Business School MBAs is pledging to act responsibly, ethically and refrain from advancing their own ambitions at the expense of others. Is nothing sacred anymore?

Our feature tune...

Belongs to a delightful new young talent from NYC by way of France. Clara Bellino and "Peaceful Solution" will capture your heart. Let's hope her message catches on. Like all the music we play you can hear this one on the Podsafe Music Network.

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Thunderstorms and iPods...

There are safer things joggers can do. Even Apple says be careful. Some facts and tips about static electricity, ear buds and mp3 players. (YCMIU listeners are protected by our patented cone of stupidity)

Get down, he has fruit!...

Heard the about the kid who tried to knock over a store with a banana? Don't worry, he slipped up. His lawyer may appeal. (how many bad puns did you count?)

Lawsuits gone wild...

The annual 'Stella Awards' are out and the winner for dumbest driver trick (maybe ever) goes to... the lady in the Winnebago who thought cruise control meant... well, this is why you listen!

Maybe Jerry Garcia will be there...

Brides and grooms pay close attention to the phrase, 'til death do us part while taking their vows at this hot new wedding venue. No worries about party crashers here. Oh, they do bar mitzvahs, too.

Feature tune...

Laying down that bluesy Americana sound this Memorial Day weekend is Charlie Morris and his band with 'Got Greedy.' Like all the music we play here, you can grab this one over on the Podsafe Music Network. Thanks to Ariel Publicity for tipping us off to Charlie!

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Up in smoke...

Honest officer, I have no idea how that bag of grass wound up under the seat of your cruiser. From college dorms to the halls of the CT state house, we offer proof that weed indeed turns brains to seed.

Let the Kiwi Games begin...

Olympics for penguins? Yep. But you have to go to New Zealand to see the first annual "Penguathlon."

Get in line...

Not sure how they calculate jobless benefits for this class of workers, but it should make for some interesting moments at the unemployment office.

How do we unload all those 85 jerseys?...

Hey Bengals fans, Ocho Cinco is at it again!

Let's hear from Miss Kansas...

Carrie Prejean keeps her crown. So says The Donald. Gee but we're lucky to have two such radiant beauties speaking for America! No wonder Fox News is salivating.

Not the Woman...

This week's feature tune is by SORAIA, the female fronted hard rockers from Philly. Check 'em out on the Podsafe Music Network.

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Play our show now...

Footloose...

Tyler Frost is getting screwed. His fundamentalist Baptist school says he can't graduate with his classmates because he took his girlfriend to her high school prom. What are his teachers doing about it? Let's find out.

Ding dong...

Hey kids, here comes the ice cream truck! That was the vehicle used by the perps of our latest stupid criminal trick. Our boys abandoned their stolen ride. Wait until you hear why.

No card for you, Ma...

He shot her over $2 bucks. Next Mothers Day she can visit her son in jail. Moms forgive most anything.

Writers wanted: good grammar optional...

Some badly mangled sentences found recently online and in newspapers. (did you hear about Oprah and John Edwards?)

Maybe he should join the circus...

Remember that 14 year-old Chicago cop impersonator we told you about a while ago? His back, a year older, bolder and brasher than ever.

Batter Up!...

The Gwinnet (Georgia) Braves have a new promotion. Someone should have told them that termites don't go for aluminum bats. Bring back the cow milking contests. At least you win something you can use.

'Summertime'...

This week's feature tune by Brother Love rocks! Summertime has been playede by more podcasters than any other on the Podsafe Music Network.

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The day TV died (again)...

'Someone's Gotta Go' is Fox TV's latest effort to numb our morality senses and take America a step closer to the edge of the Howard Beale Memorial Abyss. Imagine the camera crew showing up where you work. Someone must be canned. And YOU and your fellow workers get to decide who. Is that genius television programming, or what? Go to your windows, open them and yell. Hello? Anybody there? (if you're an actor, shoot yourself now.)

I hate Quantas...

When the land Down Under's official airlines kicked that cuddly Koala to the mascot curb it was a diversionary tactic. God forbid the public find out that Quantas pilots and ground mechanics seem more interested in perfecting their stand-up acts than flying. We have the flight "gripe" logs to prove it!

Socks Are Us ...

The real genius behind retail marketing begins with a store's name. The more clever the better. We shoppers are nothing if not suckers for cutesy. Here are some real store names that demand you take notice. And more. Want funny ones? Try these.

For he's a jolly good cockroach ...

We give a shout out to DJ the hard working PD of Roach Radio, the Internet's Talk Superstation. Tune 'em in and crank 'em up!

VK in CT wins CC album ...

Victoria Kennedy of Bristol, CT is this week's YCMIU triva winner. She was first to email us the names of Popeye's four nephews (Pipeye, Pupeye, Peepeye and Poopeye). Vickie wins the Chrissy Coughlin cd, 'Look Ahead.' Chrissy even autographed it! Congratulations VK!

Underwhelmed ...

Brooklyn can't hold these smokin' indie rockers. The world awaits. Get a load of 'Freak' (we play the whole tune at the end of this show!) and tell your local radio station about these guys. Thank you to Ariel Publicity for turning us on to Underwhelmed! Like all the music we play, you'll find them on the Podsafe Music Network.

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Sex sells...

Women's magazines. Their covers promise guaranteed intimacy secrets right there at the checkout counter. Problem is, most of it is bad advice. Two guys who.. well.. are guys give you the straight scoop on why buying into the tripe Cosmo and others peddle is an instant recipe for a failed relationship. (we'll refund what you paid for this podcast if not satisfied)

Buxom and bulletproof...

This woman's bra stopped a speeding bullet. We think the lingerie maker is missing a marketing gold mine, but what do we know?

Say what?

Dear Abby must need therapy by now. Wait until you hear some of goofy sex questions she has had to answer over the years.

How NOT to nab a pedofile...

On the heels of an attempted child abduction in their TV viewing area, the local Fox affiliate in the Twin Cities (MN) devised a doozy of a sting operation. Especially if you like ice cream trucks. Parents and school officials were not amused. No film at 11.

No T-shirt can hold it...

Near impossible to pronounce (but try to stop us) and as hard to locate (a native American name with 45 letters pretty much rules out stopping for directions) this New England lake has confounded tourists and historians for two centuries.

Back to You...

This rockin' summertime sound from Chrissy Coughlin's new album is our YCMIU feature track this week. Keep your ears and eyes on this fast-rising indie singer-songwriter from NYC.

Want to win the album? It is yours if you are the first person to email feedback@2kenscomedy.com with the answer to our TRIVIA question in the show. Be sure to include your name and real-world mailing address.

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Apple-MS battle for your desktop...

CRASH! It happened to one of us Kens this week which explains why this show is late. Blame it on the Big Bang? Nope. Pure corporate market share greed. (kiss those potential sponsorships goodbye). Avert your ears. Or maybe don't. What happened could very easily happen to you. Forewarned is forearmed.

p.s. - the big bang theory might explain Phil Spector.

Potty Parity at the ballpark?

While New York's two MLB teams were christening new ball yards an undercover army (actually one guy in deep need of a hobby) of prying pollsters were taking notes on how many stadium restroom seats are available to men and women. We have the numbers. The New York Times thought it was important.

Now playing shortstop, Clyde Klutz

Down through history baseball has been populated with a significant number of players who had to be awfully strong - or never attended grade school - to make it to the big leagues carrying the goofy sir names they inherited. If you are scoring at home, good luck.

Feature tune

Our grooves come straight from the Podsafe Music Network where you can find Big Bang by the Nashville Session Players.

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Short Tweet from FEMA

Who needs 140 characters? These guys can answer the question "what are you doing?" in seven (hint: starts with n, ends with g). Everybody is getting into Twitter. Follow us at http://www.twitter.com/2kens.

Larry from Georgia...

Is probably second guessing his e-mail to YCMIU. Poor guy dared us to call his cell. We did. The South is still looking for a debate team captain. You want a piece of us?

Open for Business

West Virginia's slogan may not apply to Barbie if one lawmaker in the Mountaineer state has his way. Wait until you hear his argument. Luckily for Mattel, nobody seems to be taking him seriously.

Bite Me

Our sound bite pick-o'-the-week comes from White House press secretary, Robert Gibbs. If you think the press corps would have more important questions than this one you really must pay more attention.

A Honda for Fido

Your pup will be in his 'Element' when you take him for a test drive in this pet-friendly import. Miss Beeper says, "wake me when the kitty model is ready."

Go Cubs!

When he's not co-hosting this show one of us (the other Ken) writes a column for the long-running "Bleacher Banter", a popular fan newsletter published for her fellow Chicago Cubs fans by Stephanie Leathers. Subscribe today because '09 is YOUR year guys!

Tuning up

Vibes heard on this week's show include "It's All About Me" by Brando Quin & RavenPheat. His music is on the PodSafe Music Network. We also feature two guys from Brooklyn known as Comandante Zero. Defy you not to think of Bowie when you hear "The Future."

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Wanted: church proof reader:

With apologies to Rowan Atkinson for swiping his line from the movie 'Four Weddings and a Funeral' somebody really should be editing church and synagogue bulletins before the congregation reads them. As Passover and Easter converge we have fun with some classic religious oh-ohs. If there is a God, He forgives us. If not, well... we're covered.

The Bar Stool 500

This week's nominee for a Darwin Award hails from Newark, Ohio and hasn't met a vehicle yet he can't wreck. When Kile Wygle gets out of jail (assuming he can't beat this rap) he will have two sponsors if he decides to race at Indy. Briggs & Stratton and Jim Beam. Gentlemen, start your bar stools!

Relationship advice 

If you come here for that you really are in trouble. Anyway, guys if you want to save your marriage, here's a tip: simply stop cleaning the house! You even have a built in excuse this week. April 7th is 'No Housework Day'. You better heed our sage advice or you could wind up divorced, like this German couple.

You are what you eat

So what are you if your favorite dish eats tin cans? Meet the goat, fast-becoming a top culinary delight around the globe. He's good with kids, too.

#36 (with a bullet)

Thank you fans for launching YCMIU to our highest ranking ever on Podcast Alley! More than 36-hundred comedy shows listed and there we are, bangin' on the door of the top 35! Now, here's our thank you. GoDaddy is offering our fans exclusive discounts on all kinds of things. Order any web site hosting plan today at a great low price, plus use this link and save another 10% at checkout!

Moses & Morty 

George Hrab is one funny dude. Our feature this week from the Podsafe Music Network is this hilariously irreverent bit. Take it with you to your Passover seder, or Easter dinner. It's sure to be big hit with the older folks. Hey, you took our relationship advice. We thought we'd branch out. By the way, be sure to catch George every week on his own show, the GeologicPodcast.

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Say Cheese

Bookseller magazine is out with their annual list of Oddest Book Titles. Among those honored over the past 30-years are ones about bomb-proofing your horse, and people who don't know they're dead- and attach themselves to the living. Last year's winner offered great advice to women struggling with making a recent breakup stick (why didn't we think of this?).

Hey, cheeseburger here!

Four lbs of not-so-lean beef, five slices of cheese, 8 oz of chili, fistfuls of nachos all stuffed between an 8 inch bun. 48-hundred calories never tasted so good. Where? At the ballpark, of course.

Terminate THIS

Arrrnollld must really miss the tinsel town spotlight. While California sherrifs are going after gangs and guns, Gov SCHWARZENEGGER seems to be taking dead aim at boosting his movie residuals while introducing a program aimed at curbing street violence. Listen to the sound bite and judge for yourself.

Feature tune

Stefanie Seskin and blue number nine (they don't like caps) are fast-becoming one of our top three all-time favorite Indie groups here at YCMIU. Their music - which they've been making since 1995 - is pure fun. We dare you not to tap your feet and bang on the nearest solid object when you hear 'sweet sugar honey', a bn9 classic! Like all the tunes we feature, you can find Jersey City's blue number nine and their jammin sound at the Podsafe Music Network.

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Animal makeovers anyone?

Warm up your TiVo and gather up the pets, there's a new show coming, destined to push Survivor to the Neilsen Family curb. Maybe not, but we know we'll be watching.

Abolish these laws NOW

A half dozen stupid state and city laws Americans never knew existed. Ignorance is no excuse- unless you're a lawmaker.

Arrrrrrgh!

Who needs Spring Break when you can study pirates. No joke. The University of Chicago is offering the course and so far 150 kids have enrolled. It was either that or poly sci, NOT a required class if you plan to stay in town after you graduate.

Abdul for A-Rod, straight up

Just think kids, American Idol trading cards! Upper Deck is launching a set of more than 130 of your show favorites. Winners, losers and Paula, too. No word yet if stale bubblegum is included.

Awe geeze, gang- we luv ya!

We're speechless, You loyal fans have pushed YCMIU into the top 50 shows on Podcast Alley! #47 last week (with a bullet)... Please go there and vote for us... we want to be #1. You guys are THE BEST! Thank you, thank you, thank YOU!

Not On the Radio

That's the title of this week's feature tune by the incomparable Geoff Smith. He's the madman genius behind a ton of podcast jingles out there, and a big hit with Adam Curry and DSC. Run on over to the Podsafe Music Network and give him a listen!

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Here pig, pig, pig...

How about $1 million to help Utah control its non-secular cricket population? Or hundreds of thousands to rid Californian's of unsightly tattoos? Hey Alabama, you want money for oyster rehab? You got it! No joke. These are among the thousands of daffy projects Congress has agreed to fund. Is this a great country or what.

What's next, Wii Sue?

A ten-year old girl in the UK got sassed by a Nintendo video game that told her she could stand to drop a stone or two. Little bugger used the F word. Not the kid, the machine. Heck, he may be a pudge ball but at least Richard Simmons is polite.

There are B movies...

And then there are stinkers like this 1955 western. A musical (think: Oklahoma with longshoremen) set in the 1880s in which the town's men folk went to battling a neighboring town. To punish them their women folk withheld... well... you know. Quite possibly the worst flick ever to make it to the big screen- and that's saying something.

Little green men

Pray these wee lads don't visit you this week. They are not Irish. They are not even Earthlings. This Friday keep one eye on the heavens for any sign that we are not alone. If you see them, don't panic. Just sit back, enjoy the scenery and take lots of pictures on your journey. Oops. Darn, spoiled the surprise.

9 lives and counting

Our feature tune on the Podsafe Network this week is 'The Cat Came Back' by Irish singer/songwriter, Marc Gunn. Be sure to visit him on the web.

Vote for us

Pretty please? We need your support. If you like our show please cast a vote for us at Podcast Alley. The last time we looked You Can't Make It Up was ranked #260 out of nearly 36-hundred comedy podcasts listed there. Help us crack the top 200, will you? THANK YOU!

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108 careers later

She's been an Olympic athlete, a Marine Corps sergeant, a dentist, an aerobics instructor, an astronaut and a rock star. Barbie, Mattel's wildly successful franchise turned 50 today. More than a billion units of her likeness have been sold across the globe. Young girls keep playing with her, yet the critics haven't quit. It's a doll- get over it! A few themes never made it into stores, secrets the toy maker had hoped would not get out. We uncovered them.

Bite me

No crudeness intended but we couldn't let a week full of sensationally stupid sound bites pass without commenting on the very dumbest one. That lady in Ft. Pierce, FL now has the inside track for our Darwin Award Nominee of the Year! Didn't your doctor warn you that craving McNuggets would one day kill you? Call us reaper.

RFD TV is full of...

Manure. One of their shows even tells you all the neat uses for it. Wait until you hear what a couple of enterprising Connecticut dairy farmers are doing with "cow pots."

The square root of nerd is...

You missed it. International Square Root Day was a hoot. The pocket protector crowd sure know how to party!

Maybe they won't notice

There's counterfeiters, and then there's really, really bad counterfeiters. This guy may be in a category all to himself.

le Bon Temps Roulez

Our feature tune this week is a spicy creole delight from a N'orleans rock-soul band known as Brother Joscephus and the Love Revival Revolution Orchestra. You really MUST see these folks perform! If you're anywhere near NYC this Wednesday night, March 11th, get yourself on over to the Mercury Lounge. Tickets just $10. Call (212) 260-4700 for info. Tell Bro-Jo and Company you heard them on You Can't Make It Up!

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Apple didn't like these

Top 10 iPhone third-party apps rejected by Mr. Jobs & Co. Thankfully, consumer outrage forced Apple to reconsider 'Pull My Finger.' Nice to see good taste prevail once more. Is this a great country or what?

Hello, OnStar?

Can you help me? I tried putting my keyless entry fob against my face, like the guy suggested, but my car door still didn't unlock. Oh, and can you send an ambulance and a fire truck? Other low-tech remedies to high-tech problems this week include what to do when your cell phone falls into the toilet. Could happen to anyone (not just future Darwin Award nominees), right?

Bilked by Bernie?

Don't delay, order the Smash-Me Bernie doll today!

Hey mom, I wanted the gas station

Never too early to start your toddler learning about the fun things we grownups do when we travel. That's why the folks at Playmobil, one of the trusted names in toys for little people, made "Security Checkpoint." It's just like the real thing. Now, take your shoes off Billy and go over there and let that nice man with the gun wave his wand over you.

Our feature tune this week is 'You Don't Need an iPod' by Canada's indie sensation, Uncle Seth. They're one of the most popular groups on the entire Podsafe Music Network. Go check out their music and be sure to tell 'em where you heard it!

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America runs on...

It sure ain't Dunkin' Donuts but the good towns' folk of Vassalboro, Maine don't seem to care. Since the new Grand View Coffee Cafe pranced out their topless waitstaff nobody's paid much attention to the menu - or the prices. Ignore those news stories about all the vocal protests, this town is hooked. Caffeine and prurient exhibitionism, yum! It's l'affaire grande! (eat your heart out, Florida!)

Our feature tune on this special weekend episode is I Like the Way You Move by New Jersey's Blue Number Nine with vocalist -songwriter -musician Stefanie Seskin. Like all the tunes we play you can find this one on the Podsafe Music Network.

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Hey hon pass the TP

Much as YCMIU despises bathroom humor, this product is no joke. For the couple who have e v e r y thing... potty-for-2. Bet that just made filling your holiday gift list a whole lot less stressful.

You want a silicone injection, where?

Keeping with the theme, the headline reads: woman playing doctor busted for illegal cosmetic surgery. Her patients won't be sitting for awhile. That's what you get for turning the other...ugh!

So that's what heavy metal means

South Carolina law officers were a big hit with some forgetful guys this Lovers Day when they took a page from the Axel Rose song book. Result? Bouquets for the women. A few more firearms off the street. Everybody wins!

Start spreadin' the news

Now there's something else for Philadelphians to hate about New York. And they can thank their transit authority. Here's a tip: stick to making the trains run on time and leave graphic arts to Soho.

Stupid bloggers!

Yes we realize that's redundant. But here's a guy who takes double-digit IQ blog responses to a whole new level of idiocy. As a public service, we name him.

Our feature tune this show is Matthew Ebel's Drive Away. He's the third most heard artist in podcasts on the PodSafe Music Network. Adam Curry himself says, "Oh yeah, top-down drivin' around music... feeling alive, awake, and full of fun."  That's high praise. You can download this tune here.

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Senators, check your pacemakers

Those geezers on Capitol Hill will need to see their cardiologists if Stormy Daniels gets elected. When a sex scandal visited Louisiana Republican senator, David Vitter it was time to fight fire with... well... porn. Ms. Daniels is an adult entertainer (hey, she has a mom) whose fans started a "Draft Stormy" movement. Makes perfect sense. All her scandals are behind her. Besides, how could anyone not vote for the star of that memorable motion picture, "Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre"? (this is how we track where you go when you leave here)

Stump the Beer Fetcher?

What's that, a new low for reality TV? Sort of. We thought you'd enjoy a couple of canine stories, especially if you're a fan of Animal Planet and NASCAR. That dog 'il hunt.

On Aeroflot, vodka flies first class

Heard the one about the Russian airlines pilot too drunk to make a cabin announcement? Don't worry folks, his plane had a designated driver. Not one of those cheap, inflatable models, either.

More stupid criminal tricks

A guy robs a gas station in Sarasota, Florida and flees... until the gauge says "E". But that still doesn't top the drug thief in Philly who was caught sleeping with... well... you'll just have to listen.

Our spotlight tune on the Podsafe Music Network this week is "I Want a Better Life," from the UK band, The Shakes. Feel free to download it here.

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No clowns at 30,000 feet

Some poor kid didn't get his in-flight birthday party thanks to those ever-vigilant airport security teams the UK is famous for. Wonder what set off the alarm- his honking nose or that cow bell around his neck? If they're gonna start frisking funny looking folks it's a good thing the royal family doesn't fly.

Ooh, ooh that smell

Ever heard of magic cheese? An entire rural village in central Chile got duped by a scam that would make Lynyrd Skynyrd proud. Meet Erica Pavez, our poster child for this week's group nominee for the Darwin Awards.

You tell Him he can't ride 

Do you believe in God? That's a question being debated on London buses these days. Well, not actually inside the bus.

With 800 you win a Kia

A Korean granny has failed her driving test 771 times- and counting. Look out Florida, when she finally does get her license she'll be heading your way!

As always the tunes we play come from the PodSafe Music Network. This week we feature 'Cheerleader' by Deirdre Flint of the Four Bitchin' Babes. You can download the song here. We also played 'Thank You for Calling' by George Hrab. If you like our music please share it with your friends, and be sure to tell them where you heard it!

Mommy can I stay up and catch bad guys?

He reported for duty at CPD in full uniform - except for his gun and badge. Maybe he'll get those when he turns 15. Luckily his patrol partner was armed. Not terribly bright, but at least he's a real cop.

Those kiwi crooks sure are dumb

Handcuffed together and running from the law these two forgot to signal how they planned to pass a lamp post. Imagine if it had been a billboard? The video says it all.

Dude, take my picture 

Even from 20 miles up a hemp field still looks like, well... Who knew that Google has a narc squad? Next time your dad tells you, "go cut the grass" - listen to him!

We all need to make sacrifices

Nobody is immune in this economy. Even the super-rich are cutting back. Or, so it might appear. Rodeo Drive is an interesting case study in how the affluent are coping.

Give him a horse

His boss says Raymond Mulligan, a city employee of many years in West Haven CT, is a really good worker. It's just that his driving ain't so hot. So far, all the city vehicles he's totaled have posed no danger to the public. Let's see how it goes with the snow plow.

Feature tune

We hope you enjoy Bill Kahler's "Chicken Shack", our spotlight groove on this week's show. You can find it over on the Podsafe Music Network. You can download it here and be sure to tell your peeps where you heard it!

Rushmore Ready

Illinois Rod skips what he calls a hanging as state senators in the Land of Lincoln deliberate impeachment. Good thing his sister-in-law gets a vote, huh? Defiant as ever, ringmaster Blago tells media circus he's being persecuted with the best of 'em. We have the perfect defense attorney for him. No matter- he gets his own Fox soapbox by April.

Check's in the mail

No, really. You didn't get it? It's those dang USPS carriers again. Lucky for us the postal inspectors are on the case and hot on the trail (ha!) of the mail hoarders, right Butch? You bet, Sundance.

It was a charity event, honest

Extra, extra, read all about it! Media giant Gannett slashes spending; orders staff pay cuts (then, buried on page 74: News division chief and other bigwigs on luxury resort golf junket) Oops. Those damned reporters!

School buses are for sissies

Honey, should we pay for Billy's daycare, or driver ed? Mom overslept... kid missed the bus... what's a first grader to do? (we still don't know how he reached the pedals)

Tell me again, how do I collect? 

Not all the dumb auto news comes out of the Motor City. Take the new Hyundai "buyer's insurance program" for instance. No, you take it. No, you.

Wayward geese? Yeah, right! 

Our take on what really happened to US Airways Flight 1549- and what we should do about it!

Obama's big opportunity

What a moment this could be in our history. MLK is watching. Abe is watching. Millions of American retail workers are waiting. Set them free, Mr. President!

Guess the bowling alley was closed

Who says Internet dating is a waste of time? This couple found love and along the way found they have everything in common. So dad did what any proud papa would do for daddy's little girl- threw them a shindig of a wedding Normal, Illinois will not soon forget.

Good thing there wasn't an aptitude test

Poor Demetrius Robinson. All he was trying to do was please his mom. Now he's got a rap sheet. To be truthful he already had one. But the cops in Athens, Georgia share something with our boy. Smarts. Looks like we have co-nominees for this week's Darwin Awards.

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He's Movin' On Up

As Bernie Madoff holes up in a dee-lux apartment in the sky, we wonder what else is in the mail. Gee, ya think the justice system needs fixin'?

Sarah Smile

While the Hall & Oates Reunion Tour makes a pit stop at the Alaska governor's mansion, why not check out our new favorite political web site: howobamagotelected.com. And you thought our 49th state was only about grizzlies and drilling for oil. Turns out they've got vineyards, too! Although this season's crop is a tad bitter. Take that and run with it, SNL!

Heed those "Slow" signs in 'Bama, now he-uh!

Best not get caught doin' 85 in a 40 through Morgan County, Alabama. You go to jail there, you might just croak from starvation. Let's hope for his sake that good ole' boy sheriff, Greg Bartlett gets better food where he's locked up than the crap he's been serving his, um, guests. Hey, if it only happens down South, it ain't stereotypin'!

Other stuff this episode... the Word of the Year for 2008, Bush says so long (suckers), and the latest from our Blago update desk. Music heard on the show includes The South's Gonna Do It Again, by Charlie Daniels, If I Were a Rich Man by 2 Live Jews and It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, from the TV's Mr. Rogers Neighborhood.

Shoe Heard 'Round the World

We climb in off the ledge long enough to honor he who chased us out there in our special Year-in-Review epsisode. Buddy, can you spare $6,000,000,000,000 bucks? You won't see beggars with sandwich boards like this in the financial district. Nobody's fat enough anymore to carry all those zeros (and yes, we're aware of the irony). Join us as we try to fill up a whole hour on NPR with GW's legacy. Hey, I heard that. Knock it off!

Mall Warriors 

Sure wish we were young enough again to sign-up for the military. They let you play those cool video war games. They don't? Well, that's what the nice man at the mall wearing all that chest candy told us. Check out the Army's slick new recruiting tactic around the hood.

Perfect Trigger

Mustard and custard, Nellie Bell. This yarn ain't about Roy, Dale and the rest of the gang at the Double-R Bar ranch. Nope, we're out to protect your Second Amendment rights, pardner. So strap on some iron and c'mon down to the local NRA saloon for a day of learnin' shootin' safety. Yep, one day will do 'er. Darn tootin'!

Do I hear, $40 mil?

Governor Blago gets his man. No more bids, please. Oh and the Big 3 are back in our news crosshairs to close out '08. And we have not one, but two Darwin Awards nominees-of-the-year. One you've heard of, the other, well, he's an Annapolis man. Naval Academy, you know.