Mon, 26 December 2011
Can anyone here PLAY this game? Casey Stengal paid a visit on the eve, and as visions of Choo Choo Coleman danced in our heads, the old professor likened the futility of his dreadful, '62 Mets to the ignorance and utter incompetetence of those guardians of our native tongue. It's true. English is dead. Don't blame the [...]
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Sun, 25 December 2011
Freud Saves Houses of worship are getting into our act this time of year. We take you on a guided tour of some pretty stupid signage - crafted, apparently, to grow the congregation. How's that working out for ya, padre? Holiday songs by... The Invincible Czars deliver the famed "Nutcracker" the way we think Tchaikovsky had [...]
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Fri, 23 December 2011
Gift of Life 1, FDA 0 ... The government has dubbed him a "one man sperm bank" and demands he abstain. But Trent Arsenault, father of 14 (four more on the way), says his free disseminations to women he meets online must continue. "Couples and women who can't conceive need me." Maybe so, but you've [...]
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Thu, 22 December 2011
A putz by any other name... Here's the thing about gag gifts. They scream "frat house loser" and make recipients feel icky. No wonder it's a multi-million dollar industry. Chia Pet Obama heads, Hillary Clinton toilet bowl brushes and Cougar soap are big business. America, you ROCK! We dedicate Day 9 of our 12 Days of [...]
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Wed, 21 December 2011
In this corner... Nothing ratchets up the Battle of the Sexes like the holidays. Especially when one of you earns the lionesses lion's share of the household income. We discovered an interesting end-game tactic of our species. To call off the fight the really stupid (or diabolical) bread winners get proactive at work. It's Day 8 of our [...]
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Tue, 20 December 2011
Neighbors make bad fences... But when the heist involves three major holiday icons, well, let's see YOU unload this loot! We consult Mr. Holmes who reminds ... when you've eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. Apologies to Terry Cashman for the post title ripoff. High flattery, copyright infringement. Semantics, right? :) Here's Day [...]
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Mon, 19 December 2011
Oxymorons for 500, Alex... Just in time for Mensa’s annual holiday party: the Smartest Bar in America. If you thought drinking and thinking don't mix, you've never knocked back a few brews with the bar trivia gang at the Mezzanine in Houston, TX. Bet those pickup lines get real creative by closing time. Hope you enjoy Day 6 [...]
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Sun, 18 December 2011
Donald Draper slept here... We found a treasure trove of the dumbest holiday ads eveeeeer created. If you've been very good little boys and girls this year we'll stuff a few in your stocking. Gotta run, Santa's into the sangria again. Happy 5th Day of Dumb, y'all! Oh, watch where you step tomorrow. Chased away most [...]
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Sat, 17 December 2011
If Stanislavski could tweet... He'd have thousands of 150 year old followers. Imagine the stench. And his book 'An Actor Prepares?' I've read it. Hell, I've used it. Trust me, there's nothing in there about Twitter. What if I show up where you work and tweet over your shouler? Hey, I think FOX just found its [...]
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Fri, 16 December 2011
All lubed up and nowhere to go Are the kids asleep? Wouldn't want them hearing this. Did you know there's a company offering free tips on how to steal some frisky time for you two - even as Uncle Ed and Aunt Tilley are decking your halls? Tune in and get the skinny. [we'll say "For mature [...]
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Thu, 15 December 2011
In the immortal words of Charles Barkley... I ain't your kid's role model. Neither is Frosty the Snowman. At Christmas '09 we told you about the evil Frosty CBS promotions had drawn up for the kiddies. Now there's a sidewalk Frosty kicking police dogs and taking no prisonsers. No ho-ho-ho. It's time for Frosty to go. Don't get us wrong. [...]
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Wed, 14 December 2011
And the winner is... Day 1 of our 12 Days of Dumb brings a yuletide tradition. We've all been there. Out of town family invading your holidays. Quick, think of something. Cambria Suites has a fat reward for the fattest fib. Word of caution? Make it good. Divorce is best served with roasted chestnuts. Holiday songs from... Nicole [...]
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Mon, 5 December 2011
Like a box of chocolates... Pity your poor local TV news anchor. They never know what will pop up over their shoulder from the space cadet in graphics. Listen as a weather dude makes a great save! (did we ever have this much fun at CNN?) How the mighty have fallen... Once nationally recognized, this sheriff got [...]
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Tue, 29 November 2011
We think we've unearthed Hollywood's next blockbuster. Thanks to a pompous windbag archeology professor in England, Harrison Flockhart Ford may once again draw a paycheck. (Calista still works, right? ) My oven's missing a roast setting Just one of thousands of stupid things Butterball Hotline operators heard while you were gorging yourself last Thursday. We turned some [...]
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Mon, 21 November 2011
Is that a drumstick in your pocket? We thought you'd enjoy our "Best of" Turkey Days past. There's the brazen turkey breast bandit with the interesting escape plan, a kitty litter stuffing recipe, a TV news gal who got a history lesson from the former Governator, the best place to dine out on Thursday if [...]
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Mon, 14 November 2011
Don't drink the water here. Goofy survey finds young women prefer tunes to - um - can't remember what that other thing is. A club where all the members have a fabric fetish. Girls Guide to Liberty, a conservative radio talker is following us on Twitter?? And you don't want to know what they did to poor, [...]
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Mon, 7 November 2011
Hello, Siri? Where's the pizza guy? Is Amtrak on time? Can I trust my GPS? Maybe the devil really is in the details. To Slur and Disrespect When it comes to improving police-community relations, there must be better tactics. Still, it is 100% cotton and only $12. Take Me I'm Yours No, really! Takes the embarrassing guesswork [...]
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Mon, 31 October 2011
Spook night is here. Ghosts and goblins fill your bags with maple syrup (the real stuff, no 5 years in slam for us!). Candy? Here's a sweet idea to count Hungarians. Hope it comes to America. Lots of great advice this week, too. How NOT to pass your driver's test. The absolute WORST ride to escape [...]
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Mon, 24 October 2011
Go play in Traffic... More proof (like there wasn't enough) that the kids playing dress up for your local TV news are into mommy's and daddy's stash. We found one bimbo anchor team having waaay too much fun in heels. You s'pose that's where Steve Winwood got the idea? Other stuff we didn't make up... Malingering houseguests? Rid them the [...]
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Mon, 17 October 2011
Visiting Gila Bend? Take the scenic route. Oh, wait! There isn't one. That stretch of Arizona road has put more drivers to sleep than the last GOP presidential hopeful. Found a guy in NJ with bigger cojones than Chris Christie. Meet the publisher who thinks you should choose between reading his mag and a new Jetta. Same price. [...]
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Mon, 10 October 2011
Bankers Hours... Lemme get this straight. A Castilian queen takes a flyer on a 15th century sailor's dalliance for a Western trade route and Wall Street traders gets a day off. What's an Occupier to do? Listen to our ship's manifest of nonsense. In the Pink... It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month and our guest musical artist, [...]
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Mon, 3 October 2011
Silly season in PC Country... Forget the screeching God Squad, anyone else find it odd that our new hero, Steve Cuckovich teaches high school health? Bottoms up... There's a new brew in Fargo. Honey, me and the boys are going out for a few Wood Chippers. Honey? Strange. She was here a minute ago. Our musical [...]
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Tue, 27 September 2011
Parkay The state that legalized hunting for gun-toting ten year olds is at it again. Wisconsin might repeal the butter-only law for schools and prisons (we know, Fonz, same thing) that's been around since Grover Cleveland was president. Dairy farmers couldn't be madder if Brett Favre had texted their daughters. No more Happy Cows for you, cheese [...]
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Mon, 19 September 2011
Rejoice, there's something for every lazy man and woman this week. Meal planners, we've another fast, easy and sooo not good for you (like our mobile show? We heard that!) heart attack on a plate. Trying to break a certain early morning habit that makes you late for everything? There's an App for that! Oh, and [...]
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Mon, 12 September 2011
Fertility Dancing with The Stars... Two lifetimes in radio and we thought we'd heard it all. Nope. Ottawa's Hot 89.9 is blowing steam into icy bedrooms. Anyone else hear ka-CHING!? Desperately seeking degrees... Colleges are ranked on all kinds of things - best party schools, smartest students - but here's one they ain't braggin' on. Quick Slants... [...]
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Mon, 5 September 2011
You gonna turn or what? ... Happy Labor Day (you too, Canada)! Highways packed, temps rising, tempers flare. We found an unusual case of road rage that would make The Gray Panthers and AARP proud. Tail of Two Kitties... Barry landed in California. His brother Jack missed the plane and was last seen catting around [...]
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Mon, 29 August 2011
Cristie Creme... This week we reveal what really frosted NJ's gov as Irene bore down. You're reading this so you survived. As a reward EVERYONE gets access to our VIP show! Let's see, there's the court case that tipped the scales of justice - literally. Real estate sales are booming for luxury playhouses. Perfect wedding gift, [...]
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Mon, 22 August 2011
Friar Tucks... Montezuma's revenge can't hold a prayer candle to the Curse of Michelangelo. If God listens to a group of Franciscan friars a certain bible thief in Italy is going to get more than his soul cleansed. Let he who is without sin listen to this week's show. Gee Officer Bob can I try that?... [...]
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Mon, 15 August 2011
Only other explanation?... Population control. Why else would someone put up uttlerly baffling road signs? We found nine more just as stupid as this one. Oh, and a classified ad for a crash test dummy for sale! It has to be the drinking water. Snooki's got gamey game... Have you heard? Jersey's Shore's poster bimbo [...]
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Mon, 8 August 2011
It's Party Study Time... Now that it's too late to do anything about it, we thought we'd tell you moms and dads why your pride and joy begged to attend these schools. Big surprise, huh? [Above for VIP listeners only] Here come da judge... Meet the honorable Martin Sheehan. Hiz honer sure does have a [...]
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Mon, 1 August 2011
Reality TV bites... Gotta love irony. The mistress match queen has met her match. 80 year old birds with razor sharp peckers (shut up!) are not to be toyed with. Yet there she is, the notorious Heidi Fleiss making nice with a parrot in glorious HD (Animal Planet, Sun 10p ET). She even sleeps with 'em. [...]
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Mon, 25 July 2011
It's baseball Ray tightwad! Kevin Costner is part owner of a minor league team near Chicago. Last week the play-by-play guy for the club, fed up over unwritten paychecks and no meal money, imploded. ON-AIR! Howard Beale would've given the dude a standing O. Not the smartest career move though. We bet he's "seeing a whole team of psychiatrists." VIP listeners [...]
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Mon, 18 July 2011
Pastafarianism... A new religion is sweeping Europe. Its followers draw spiritual enlightenment from the kitchen. Church dogma: To raise consciousness, one colander at a time. Or maybe it's just a ruse to beat a traffic ticket. You know we don't make up this crap! VIP listeners also get these stories: Think you're having a bad day? Put [...]
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Tue, 12 July 2011
This week we present four stories of abject idiocy. Cast your vote for the Dumbest Moment of Duh! Stupid German police work Another example of drinking making you stupid Man robs bar but forgets to take the loot Man steals plane from flight school but can't get it off the ground Our free show is 17 min. [...]
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Mon, 4 July 2011
Happy Independence Day, America! Let the backyard BBQs and fireworks begin! Unless you live on the street, sleeping in doorways and cars, that is. Then the 4th of July is pretty much like the 3rd, with the promise of more of the same on the 5th. Know what? 1 in 4 of those invisible homeless you only [...]
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Mon, 27 June 2011
There's hope for us all... Unemployed or lovelorn? Take heart. If a clown with a criminal rap sheet from hell can get a job and a girlfriend, any guy can. Yep, Guy Fowlkes had it all goin on - until last Tuesday when it all blew up. (thanks to listener Greg F for giving us the [...]
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Mon, 20 June 2011
Norwegians must lead pretty dull lives. Or they're just plain cheap. How else would you explain more than a quarter of the entire population tuning in to watch 134 hours of a reality show aboard a cruise ship? Rusty, get in the life boat! Other stuff we didn't make up... In the wake of Father's Day, [...]
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Mon, 13 June 2011
We lost Leonard Stern last week. Brilliant TV comedy writer (Steve Allen, The Honeymooners, Get Smart) but best-remembered by millions as the co-inventor of the funniest party game ever- Mad Libs. We tossed out a few verbs, nouns, adverbs and adjectives in his honor and came up with a new Wal-Mart ad. Eat your heart out Madison [...]
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Mon, 6 June 2011
Go ahead pillage that pension fund. Conquer competitors with vicious rumors. Have that affair with your CIO's spouse. Whatever's up your sleazy biz sleeve no one will ever find out if you protect your rep with this bad PR cloaking service we found. Bernie would still be bilking while basking in the Bahamas if he'd sprung for this! Other idiocy we didn't make up... [...]
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Tue, 31 May 2011
You may fool your wife... But you ain't snowing Janet Olsen. Every new grilling season always brings batches of frantic calls from male BBQ idiots experts who tell the sweet 67-year old voice at the Weber Grill Hotline they "need to talk to a MAN." Can you guess where this is going? (might even be room [...]
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Mon, 23 May 2011
Waiting for God Harold... Odds are old man Camping (0 for 2 if you're scoring at home) will get it right some time so we packed you a readiness kit this week. There's a service for pets (assuming they aren't already Saved). They guarantee a nice atheist will come rescue your critters in the nick [...]
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Mon, 16 May 2011
We wish to thank Illinois governor Pat Quinn for showing us the heretofore error of our misbegotten ways. To wit, wither thou goest this week's show shall be devoid of of bathroom humor, sexual innuendo and other assorted low-class references. Got a problem with that Clyde? Up your pie hole! Music this episode from 18-yr old Aussie, Georgi Kay. [...]
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Mon, 9 May 2011
The galactic king of developers has a credibilty problem. He rules local TV - on slow news days - and yet nobody takes him and his grand plan seriously. Ali said if you can do it, it ain't bragging. C'mon Colorado, let him build it. What's a few more little green men in that part of the world? [...]
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Mon, 2 May 2011
Laced with literary references and riding the high-minded music of Stanford's Glass Wave this week's show classes up the joint. Need proof of our newly polished pedigree? We found an iPhone app for movie goers with weak bladders. A couple who discovered- as Poe suggested - that walls do not make great neighbors. Insurance to protect you from being sued [...]
Category:podcasts
-- posted at: 11:42am EDT
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Mon, 2 May 2011
Laced with literary references and riding the high-minded music of Stanford's Glass Wave this week's show classes up the joint. Need proof of our newly polished pedigree? We found an iPhone app for movie goers with weak bladders. A couple who discovered- as Poe suggested - that walls do not make great neighbors. Insurance to protect you from being sued [...]
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Mon, 25 April 2011
Need college $$? Kid's not a genius? No worries. Plenty of easy dough out there, even for kids who don't know anything. This week's show tells you where to look. Things like PB & J sandwiches and duct tape prom dresses might be your son and daughter's ticket to higher ed. Other stuff we didn't make up... Listen as two members of [...]
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Mon, 18 April 2011
You don't have to be female to experience a blonde moment. Crazy things happen to mid-life men in hot cars. Take this breakdown lane bozo. In his defense, blue buttons, blue pills. Easy to get confused. Other stuff we didn't make up... Russian con man has best line yet: Your eyes are getting heavy. When I snap my fingers [...]
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Mon, 11 April 2011
Sverige suger... If you follow any Swedes on Twitter you know this. They're pretty bummed. Why? Not a clue, but they finished dead last in Happy. Another oddity on the World Happiness Map is who's #1 for glee. In spite of that one of us scored a perfect 100 on this week's quiz. Play along. (starts at 10 min mark) Other [...]
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Mon, 4 April 2011
They always get their man Yes but mounties have horses. Police in the big city of Ottawa are turning to thongs to help them nab the bad guys. Great White North correspondant Nick has the story [9:00] so daft it could only happen in Molson country. Other stuff we didn't make up... King Tut knocks over a [...]
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Mon, 28 March 2011
Cherry pick items of interest with (start times) for selected segments. An overflow police blotter has us working overtime. From the pinball wizard behind the wheel (7:15) to the Great Pizza Heist Caper (12:30), to the moron would-be bank robber who did exactly what the teller asked (18:45), stupid criminals abound this week. Other stuff we didn't make [...]
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Mon, 21 March 2011
This week's show contains 100% of your daily requirement of pop culture junk foods. Covert military ops, Facebook phonies, bumbling cops, brainless law breakers, mimes demanding free speech, March Madness, TV news gone wild, magic bras and people named boob or butts. No prisoners taken. You've been warned. Our feature artist... Deborah Crooks' lyrics are honed by a lifetime of [...]
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Thu, 17 March 2011
Here are eight minutes of your life you can't get back. Hoist a few wee bits o' fun and Celtic drinking songs from Irish-American rogue podcaster and cat lover, Marc Gunn. Sure and begorra!
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Mon, 14 March 2011
THIS SHOW has moved to our VAULT. Please visit http://2kenscomedy.com Ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking. Welcome aboard American Airlines Flight 40 non-stop from LA to New York. Those travelers in First Class are in for a treat. Our in-flight turbulence is being provided by MTV darlings, Snooki and JWoww! Everyone else please remain seated. There will be ample time at the gate for you [...]
Category:podcasts
-- posted at: 2:00am EDT
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Mon, 7 March 2011
THIS SHOW has moved to our VAULT. Please visit http://2kenscomedy.com Looking to entertain your Health Care Reform anger management group? Hire these guys. Along with our usual assortment of stupidity and abject absurdity we brought music from Dr. Sam and the Managed Care Blues Band! Dr. Sam Bierstock also wrote our closing song this week, "Before You Go." Sung by John Melnick, it is a tribute to [...]
Category:podcasts
-- posted at: 8:32am EDT
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Mon, 28 February 2011
Might as well know, we hate the Oscars. Huh? You'd rather listen to a drinking show? What a coincidence. That's what a few other turncoats told us. Pop open a brewsky and hear all about it. We are sooo hurt. whaaaa! Other stuff we didn't make up... a bozo screw up in Congress.. a robber who forgot to keep his [...]
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Mon, 21 February 2011
Forget labor unrest in Wisconsin we've got European witches in a boil .. a new narcissistic high online .. local TV news stirring up cancer fears .. a dumb study on why men can't remember what the pretty anchor tells them .. record-breaking culinary capers on campus .. and two bozos who bolted a botched robbery with less money than they [...]
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Mon, 14 February 2011
Every love story, whether told in literary classics or whispered over the back fence, is an emotional roller coaster. Bumps, bliss, bizzare beginnings, poorly chosen gifts and - if you stay together long enough - the odd obit, seemingly written more to amuse its reader than to honor the dearly departed. Our Valentines Day show has [...]
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Mon, 7 February 2011
THIS SHOW has moved to our VAULT. Please visit http://2kenscomedy.com. In case of emergency... They may be your neighbor. Or the clerk at your corner deli. Or maybe even your postal carrier. This week we salute (careful which finger you use) those clueless folks young and old who can't seem to figure out how to call for help- or when. Other stuff we didn't make [...]
Category:podcasts
-- posted at: 11:50am EDT
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Mon, 31 January 2011
Memo to sponsors... Now that we've hit 10,000 unique listeners a month (minor bruises, relax), shouldn't your brand be associated with stupid stuff? We name five perfect sponsors for us that you've never heard of. Just sayin. Our annual list of sandwiches and drinks that will kill you is here. Take notes. The in-laws are due to show up [...]
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Mon, 24 January 2011
The Osmond's went here... Planning the family vacation but money's tight? We found the perfect low-rent budget destination. Even won awards. For what? No idea. At least the restrooms are clean. Everyone says so. Rusty, get in the car! Also on this week's show... Listen with us as a TV sports commentator implodes his career in front of [...]
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Mon, 17 January 2011
Dean Wermer was right... Fat, drunk and stupid may be no way to go through life, but how much fun would this show be if Earthlings suddenly sobbered up? We give thanks this week to the alien beer babes for leaving a few blotto bozos behind. Memo to TV news folks: Don't report and drive. Want proof? Now [...]
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Tue, 11 January 2011
45th & Lex and step on it Mister Ambassador... We begin 2011 with a new dress code for NYC taxi drivers (we heard that), and a new image for Snooki (hold your breath). Want to know the 10 dumbest cities in America? We found 'em, along with a great excuse for the next time you miss your AA meeting. Stupid criminals abound this [...]
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Sun, 2 January 2011
Awe geeze We miss you, too. You Can't Make It Up returns Mon. Jan 10th with all new shows! While you wait re-live our 12 Daze of Dumb.
Category:Uncategorized
-- posted at: 7:48am EDT
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