Can anyone here PLAY this game? Casey Stengal paid a visit on the eve, and as visions of Choo Choo Coleman danced in our heads, the old professor likened the futility of his dreadful, '62 Mets to the ignorance and utter incompetetence of those guardians of our native tongue. It's true. English is dead. Don't blame the [...]

Freud Saves Houses of worship are getting into our act this time of year. We take you on a guided tour of some pretty stupid signage - crafted, apparently, to grow the congregation. How's that working out for ya, padre? Holiday songs by... The Invincible Czars deliver the famed "Nutcracker" the way we think Tchaikovsky had [...]

Gift of Life 1, FDA 0 ... The government has dubbed him a "one man sperm bank" and demands he abstain. But Trent Arsenault, father of 14 (four more on the way), says his free disseminations to women he meets online must continue. "Couples and women who can't conceive need me." Maybe so, but you've [...]

A putz by any other name... Here's the thing about gag gifts. They scream "frat house loser" and make recipients feel icky. No wonder it's a multi-million dollar industry. Chia Pet Obama heads, Hillary Clinton toilet bowl brushes and Cougar soap are big business. America, you ROCK! We dedicate Day 9 of our 12 Days of [...]

In this corner... Nothing ratchets up the Battle of the Sexes like the holidays. Especially when one of you earns the lionesses lion's share of the household income. We discovered an interesting end-game tactic of our species. To call off the fight the really stupid (or diabolical) bread winners get proactive at work. It's Day 8 of our [...]

Neighbors make bad fences... But when the heist involves three major holiday icons, well, let's see YOU unload this loot! We consult Mr. Holmes who reminds ... when you've eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. Apologies to Terry Cashman for the post title ripoff. High flattery, copyright infringement. Semantics, right? :)  Here's Day [...]

Oxymorons for 500, Alex... Just in time for Mensa’s annual holiday party: the Smartest Bar in America. If you thought drinking and thinking don't mix, you've never knocked back a few brews with the bar trivia gang at the Mezzanine in Houston, TX. Bet those pickup lines get real creative by closing time.  Hope you enjoy Day 6 [...]

Donald Draper slept here... We found a treasure trove of the dumbest holiday ads eveeeeer created. If you've been very good little boys and girls this year we'll stuff a few in your stocking. Gotta run, Santa's into the sangria again. Happy 5th Day of Dumb, y'all! Oh, watch where you step tomorrow. Chased away most [...]

If Stanislavski could tweet... He'd have thousands of 150 year old followers. Imagine the stench. And his book 'An Actor Prepares?' I've read it. Hell, I've used it. Trust me, there's nothing in there about Twitter. What if I show up where you work and tweet over your shouler? Hey, I think FOX just found its [...]

All lubed up and nowhere to go Are the kids asleep? Wouldn't want them hearing this. Did you know there's a company offering free tips on how to steal some frisky time for you two - even as Uncle Ed and Aunt Tilley are decking your halls? Tune in and get the skinny. [we'll say "For mature [...]

In the immortal words of Charles Barkley... I ain't your kid's role model. Neither is Frosty the Snowman. At Christmas '09 we told you about the evil Frosty CBS promotions had drawn up for the kiddies. Now there's a sidewalk Frosty kicking police dogs and taking no prisonsers. No ho-ho-ho. It's time for Frosty to go. Don't get us wrong. [...]

And the winner is... Day 1 of our 12 Days of Dumb brings a yuletide tradition. We've all been there. Out of town family invading your holidays. Quick, think of something. Cambria Suites has a fat reward for the fattest fib. Word of caution? Make it good. Divorce is best served with roasted chestnuts. Holiday songs from... Nicole [...]

Like a box of chocolates... Pity your poor local TV news anchor. They never know what will pop up over their shoulder from the space cadet in graphics. Listen as a weather dude makes a great save! (did we ever have this much fun at CNN?) How the mighty have fallen... Once nationally recognized, this sheriff got [...]