Find us at 2kenscomedy.com

Find us at 2kenscomedy.com

Happy 6th Birthday to Us! It’s also my birthday (talk about your imperfect storms :/). So ring out the old year – and save your bacon with the ex. Here’s one last stocking stuffer to coax her/him back into your bed life.  280 shows and counting! Plus a holiday drunk driving tip and more Stupid Criminal tricks! Music: […]

For the perv on your list Heard about Foxy Blox? They’re all the rage in cell block A this Christmas. Billed as an adult toy for kids, the ‘Lego’ Strip Club Set feels as icky as it looks. Who the hell thought THIS is a good idea? By the way, the strip club has a Walter White inspired […]

Why booze was invented Google ‘dysfunctional family.’ Odds are the photo was shot on Thanksgiving. Why do we do this year after year? To drink ourselves numb, stupid! We found the absolute Turkey Day from Hell! Could’ve happened at your house. I got your butterball right HERE! How do I thaw a fresh turkey? Which end of the […]

A perception tree grows… New Haven CT is known as the Elm City. Historically it is crime-ridden, in spite of recent stats to the contrary. Ranked #7 among America’s “most dangerous” mid-sized cities, the image isn’t going away. Solution? Plant feel-good news. Comcast may have a new slogan… Can You See Us Now? Everyone’s favorite [cough] cable giant wants […]

Must be a full moon… Stuff 11 kids in a Honda? You’d think a grade school math teacher would know better. But hey, when you’re Jones’n for Goldfish, what’s a gal to do? Get off her lawn, too! 94 year olds are cranky and don’t give a rats patoot who knows it. Not your ideal character witness for a great grandson […]

Eenie, meanie, minee, mo … November 4th, America. You have work to do. Let’s meet the candidates: City of St. Louis sanctions child labor. Trick or Treat?! Rich white dude tells his NBA team he’s learning Hoodish Yiddish. Inn fines brides and grooms when wedding guests leave bad reviews. Dog leads cops to drug dealing master. Good boy! […]

FMW .. FML! No one is immune but as alibis go that’s a FAIL! Lawless in Waldo Welcome to the speed trap capital of the Deep South. Y’all come back now, here? New Jersey blows (0.08) The Garden State needs a new slogan. How about DUI State? 2Kens have a solution. Wanna hear it? Listen to the […]

Step lively campers, lots of ground to cover before nightfall. We’ll visit a double-secret social network ONLY for fat cats, take in a Japanese science exhibit your kids will love (once the stink wears off), learn about the push to arm the blind; we agree- great idea!, and sample a new parenting app that might replace fantasy football for […]

We’d pay anything to see this! Say one thing for Aussie comic and TV host, Adam Hills. Boy knows how to taunt hate mongers. Dangled a big old carrot over the WBC and the self-promoting jack asses snapped it up. Lemme get this straight. WBC versus ISIS?! Good luck storming the castle, boys. Mr. Hills, u da […]

They already know … Where you live, how much you spend, what you dream about – and fear – and the names of every lover you’ve ever had. So if America’s Top Spooks want to hire you, how tough can the interview be? Details on today’s show. Need a reference? Put me down. Good luck. ~ Ed.   Tennessee tag sale […]

Don’t look now… No, really. FOX 46 in Charlotte, NC will do anything to suck draw in young eyeballs. Bodily functions? You bet! Send in the clown reporter Jon Dick and cue the wind machine. WJZY, you stink! Look up… Independence Day fireworks. How apropos. A prison escape straight out of Hollywood. Plus music from Shovels […]

Survivor: Hell Grab the pork rinds and grease the remote, loser single guy. Date Night hasn’t looked this promising since Wal-Mart’s 2-for-1 big busted, blow-up doll sale. Fat Guys In The Woods premiers August 10th at 10 EDT. Say NO to fatherhood …or raise illiterate kids. The only two ways to prevent what happened to the late George Ferguson from […]

All mobbed up and nowhere to pray… Pope Francis has big ones. He actually tossed the Italian Mafia out of the Catholic church. Bada Bing! Sally Field took far less risk hurtling the down the highway with that maniac Bandit. Hell, flying nuns are safer. We salute you, oh Patron Saint of PR. Good thing you’re immortal. Other crap […]

Say a prayer for Life Savers Ministries. Talk about misguided marketing. The ‘Bama church group, looking to recruit more kids, quoted Hitler and the Bible on the same billboard. Shut up, devil! Say hello to his little friend… Ma, can I have the car? Sure son, but don’t forget: clean undies. Cops who pulled him over […]

Loan Shark, ‘Ma’am We go away for a few months and return to find everyone drinking Corona. For the record: Cinco de Mayo happened when the fuming French stormed into Mexico over 150 years ago to collect a debt. In Pesos. Really? So while you chug your sixth frozen Margarita, be glad a Sicilian didn’t hold the note. […]

We can’t do stupid without you! We close out 2013 the way we began: ogling some rear– er– bumpers in search of inspiration. Found it! Our Fun With English segment proves the art of publishing without editing is now rectal viral. That’s our noose. Stay stupid out there. We get down with funky NYE music from PsychoVoyager and that just […]

2Kens to Papa Duck Talk about irony. The Dynasty patriarch blows out his own candles on our birthday! Buh byeeeee! (listen for our lovely parting gift ;-)) Paul Simon said it best Looking for ways to end your marriage (and nobody gets hurt)? Stupid.com can help. Or get creative with your gift and see how fast the locks change. Why […]

Cleanup in aisle 9 125 years have passed since Hanakkuh and Thanksgiving last converged. Big dilemma. Can we spin the dreidel at Grandma’s once the pumpkin pie is gone? No one alive knows if that’s kosher. Another meshuga thing? The damned stores are open– Black THURSDAY, really? Pity the poor retail drones. Doors swing open and […]

The revolution will not be televised Train wrecks and local TV news. We watch because the oral surgeon is booked and Jersey Shore got cancelled. FOX stations excel at pain. Thick as a brick Pink Floyd Florida Tour. Comin’ to a skuul nar yew. Every week, a new box of chocolates. Music from Swamp Cabbage. […]

Goodies galore in our Halloween edition. Some advice? Don’t stiff the tricksters. Some may heave eggs raised in the Amazon. Also a bad idea to let your kids write your obit. Last show of the month means another freshly, half-baked batch of Fun With English. Debut music this week from Indie rock duo Arrows and Sound, and a solo project from a […]

iStupid…  Know what the barista geek behind the Genius Bar really thinks? Mash PLAY, assuming you can read. Sweeney Todd, Act II … We bite the hand that bleeds us. You listening, Skype? Musical guest… if you like James Taylor and John Prine you’re gonna groove on L.A.’s Ted Brown! We feature two tracks off the New Zealand native’s newest […]

The Early Show Join us at the anchor desk as a Charlotte TV station brings back a 91-year old legend to read ... um ... wait. Nap time. Leisure craft or Getaway vehicle? You decide. We're peeing our pants. This is one dumb sonofabitch! Music from Portland's own Anna Lombard. Her new debut solo album Head [...]

Postal ポルノ A Japanese police chief got lucky when a naughty catalogue showed up with his name on it. Poruno is taboo in the House uh Land of the Rising Sun. Direct mail porn! Who still gets it that way? Buyer beware A house for sale advertised not to last long, a dominatrix mouse, stupid password help from [...]

Crab apples ... Happy Fall. Now get off our lawn! TV news takes another bashing, this time from a media critic who needs a diaper change. Spoonful of ... Don't know which is funnier, the chimney sweep (or whatever the hell he was doing) or the name of the guy leading the "Confined Space Rescue Team." You [...]

This week we explore the source of a fair share of your insanity and ours: technology! Good thing we’re not, like, addicted to it.   Wait until you hear this batch of actual workplace tech trouble calls. Helicopter parent? We found an app to get you hovering higher than any mom or dad in the 'hood. Oh, lazy lover [...]

Attention Walmart shoppers: Free wedding cake in Aisle 9. You know we don't make it up. Plus ~ 2Kens Public Enemy #1 .. a road sign after our own hearts .. a fresh batch of Fun with English .. and three bozos who forgot the key to getting away with a crime is getting away.  Enjoy the show! Special musical guest: Jim Armstrong! Toronto's [...]

Fish were jumpin... Summer's dog days dwindle and we long for a time when life was easier. When everyone knew their place. If only Stepford Wives were real (and came with a generous trade-in allowance).  One last vacation postcard. Our #1 all-time fan favorite. Be glad penguins don't fly.

You must be a ... Apologies to the greatest dang Southern rocker and fiddler extraordinaire, Charlie Daniels, but it's been a coon's age since we whistled the South's Gonna Do It Again. Note: teeth not optional Let's enjoy some of the language - verbal and musical - you would only hear on the highways and [...]

Pulling strings... Remember the TV news station in Cleveland who sent puppets to cover a corruption trial? Tits McGee had the night off. We flash back to our #3 most popular show of all time ... "Puppet Justice." All rise. Hookers, hooters and brown boobies... Made ya look. We caught news sites running that ploy. [...]

Big cojones, tiny brain A small town mayor with a higher blood-alcohol than IQ tests a local cop- with unpredictable results. Moooood swingers Our summer countdown of your favorite episodes returns to the magic barn where the bovines give mellow milk. You made this one our 4th most popular. Thank you!

With sex you get egg roll ... Rail commuters in China get an eye full which begs, how many got off? Last show of the month means we have more Fun With English, plus - Fantasy Football: The Musical? We flashback to our 5th most popular show ever. Broadway will never be the same. Also a Caribbean [...]

One had Choo Choo Coleman How does TV news differ from the '62 Mets? You really have to ask? Losers all. Exhibit 1: the graphic genius at NBC Nightly News. Not to be outdone, ABC News 20′s morning team proves that exposure to extreme heat makes you stupid. Or maybe it just goes with the job. Beeper would be proud [...]

Ice Ice Baby... By now everybody knows the Web's most watched ice cream vendor has added DUI and getting canned to his CV. But the big news is all the free PR Mr. Ding-A-Ling is getting on local TV in upstate NY - because Ronald McDonald is covering the story! Our Summer countdown of the Top 8 All-time most popular [...]

No need to suffer Sip some of this. We're beating the heat by counting down the all-time most listened to shows, every week between now and Labor Day. Of the 246 to-date, only 7 are more popular than this one! Quick old chum, to the Laughmobile!

June swoon... If you're lucky your bridezilla came with a pre-wedding warning label. If not, well, that's why God made Reno, Nevada. Invited to one? Careful with that gift selection. A door closes, a window opens ... Which makes better neighbors- fences or an Army base? Answer: depends on what's in your garage. (begins at [...]

Check your man brain at the door and welcome to 2Kens Dinner Theater. Tonight's feature ... Ice Cream Truck Turf Wars: The Musical. Be sure to try our toasted almond Margarita. Is there a realtor in the house? Bay State dead need housing.

FAIL! Some things we just don't want to know. Won't stop FlyerTalk from printing it. Some one needs $30 badly enough to swim in sleaze. PS: you can use an alias. If at first you can't abstain... YPSILANTI. We think it means, City of Braindead Lawmakers. You want cuffs with that? Without dumb luck she'd have.. WAIT! Is [...]

You didn't see the puddle? Can't wait till these RTs flood our timeline. [starts at 12:20 mark] Also this week: what craigslist looks like after the prostitution police shut 'em down. Other stuff we didn't make up Quite possibly the world's worst hire for a fairly common city job, plus advice for would-be burglars: Don't fall asleep on [...]

They want their MTV... Mayberry TV that is. A Carolina station time-shifts Sheriff Andy for local news and hears it from the Denny's 4 p.m. crowd. Don't screw with hungry codgers! A strong gust of wind... ..and old man Huyett orbits his farm- TP in one hand, Montgomery Ward catalogue in the other. Might be what it takes to [...]

Happens every Spring. Snooki must be ROFLHAO over a protest some NJ moms and their future prom queens are waging. Strapless? Pfft. Child's play down The Shore. Lawmaker commend thyself. Meet State Senator Jon Lundberg. Never did a deed he couldn't take full credit for. How do they get elected? Plus, a freshly messed up batch [...]

Epicurtunist... Don't bother. Webster's can't spell 21st century & Google's busy snapping pix of your house.  Take any heinous act, notify marketing, add Twitter. PRESTO! Enough self-serving bullshit to feed a city. Condé Nast must be so proud. (Oh, grow up! The shareholders ain't whining) This show contains content some may find offensive. There's a flash! Other crap we didn't [...]

Surviving tax prep season? Helps if you laugh about it. This week’s show will help you forget for 15 minutes that we are the Have Nots. We found the world's most spoiled toddler … the dumbest idea in dining out history … and two criminals too stupid to breathe (if only). Music from Boston piano rocker Matthew Ebel and [...]

Neighborhood Block Head Watch... High crime where you live? Hand out scatter guns. Arizona, no less. No foolin' - Two universities actually spent research $$ to study whether darkness makes you dishonest. Heard about the bank robber who nobody took seriously? Sucker is a sucker does. Music from Alaskan country blues band Steelhead and trop rock from Harbour [...]

Mirror Mirror... Harper Government. Dangle it in mixed political company, step back and admire the bonfire. While neo-cons and liberals spar in Parliament, Jack & Jill Q Public rage (to little avail) against his Majesty, PM Stephen Harper, a.k.a. China's best pal in the Western hemisphere. If you missed it, late last year Mr. Harper began reshaping the [...]

All that glitters ... Beware Leprechauns bearing gifts. Maine governor Paul (insert nickname here) LePage made the pre-dawn St. Paddy's Day bar crowd giddy with a swipe of his pen. But what's on tap? Listen and learn, kiddies. Other stuff we didn't make up ... Sweden legalizes the "I always drink a lot" defense... Post online from the [...]

This week's stupidity... Too Big to FAIL? Try Sequestration. What's worse than a colonoscopy, cockroaches, Donald Trump and Genghis Khan? Survey says: Congress. [our take @ 11:25] Career Wrecker dot com ... Need a job? A few tips on how NOT to land one. (Also advice on how not to keep it!) Real Milwaukee ... Hey Fox 6? It's [...]

Crime pays Want to write about prostitution? (Dear Zumba ) Know anything about transmissions? Opera? (which one comes with auto or stick?) Cool classifieds inside. Shoot me now! Those who favor gun control have never been driving instructors. A TV news crew caught this student on camera. Lady, step away from car! Plus... a fresh batch of Fun With English [...]

Honk if you're lost! Pop quiz. (no cheating!) What county in Ireland just legalized drunk driving? What major US city dumped its stupid No Honking law by waging war on ignored street signs? True or false: a robber in Louisiana forgot his mask so he stuffed his head in a bucket. (hint: Deep South) Dear Abby and newspapers. Living or dead? Listen, laugh, learn. Music by [...]

Holy Kiosk! Have you heard? Your deity takes plastic. Let us pay. Hawkeye Pierce should check his DNA... A former U.S. President who earned battlefield glory (for the other side!) 50 Shades of Mediocrity... The reviews are unanimous: E.L. James should take a writing class. Gilbert Godfried could narrate. Musical guest... singer/songwriter Jennifer Vazquez wants to be Pinocchio. You'll [...]

Extastentialism bites... Try as they might the scourge of Skype and their tech support trolls could not stop us. Worst TV ad of 2012 (Boston gangland style) .. Clever bumper stickers .. Etymology run amock .. and a dolt who proposed without spellcheck. She said "yes" anyway (how long you give it?) Happy Birthday, Andrea! Please [...]

Bad First Dates ... Ring in 2013 with a "test drive?" A newb. Did he/she pop THE question: "what's your Credit score?" Richard Marx... Quick, living or dead? (we'll wait for Google to load) What's it all mean? C'mon you know by now- ya gotta listen! Happy New Year! Music from Canada: Josh Hutchinson & The Coastlines, a [...]

Sushi cologne shouts 'Get out of my bedroom!' St. Nick here with gift tips to save your sorry ass from sofa Siberia. Oh nuts, too late! Face it, she isn't with you for your brain! I mean, Santa's farting butt travel pillow? For the kids how about a show-and-tell book like "The Night Daddy Went to Jail?" (probably for offing [...]

Just in time... You only get one funeral. Shouldn't it feel special? (assuming we keep our senses) Aren't you glad somebody told you about this before the 20th? Other stuff we didn't make up... Santa goes smokeless (involuntarily) .. Last minute gift ideas for people you (hope to) never see again .. How not to succeed at carjacking. [...]

Super-Heroes with bathroom plungers? Stripper poles for pick-up trucks? WTF is jolly ole' Rotundo snorting? Happy Christmas, kiddies! (don't eat the blue M&Ms) Out of work? Job Doc to the rescue! Advice to ace your Skype interview. Of course, ya gotta consider the source. You CAN make it up .. if you write for THIS newspaper. Music [...]

Mayan math for Dummies (YRMV)... fumble tongue or Freudian slip? ... America's most embarrassing places to live ... freelance writer jobs nobody covets ... and pedestrian hit thyself. Music from R.E.M. and Kalen.

This week ... a local TV anchor duo commit career suicide in the name of independence.  Doubt Ben Franklin would've approved, but hey- it's your life. You've a right to trash it. Just baked... a fresh batch of Fun with English. Oh, about that stupid headline? Don't take it personally officer, the dead rarely speak with anyone. [...]

Pilgrims 1,776 Indians First Settlers 0 Wal-Mart, K-Mart and Sears are kicking tradition's ass this week, but the big loser- boycott or no- is the NFL Network as families flock (it says here) to scarf down electronic gadget bargains on a major holiday. You SEE what a mess Charlie Webster started? Thought Lincoln fixed this crap. Free those retail slaves [...]

The first thing we do... Let's kill all the lawmakers. With apologies to the Bard, Election Day seems an ideal time to repeal some of the dumbest, most absurd, looniest LAWS ever passed in these here United States! Chicago's justice system is humming along as you'd expect. SNAFU! And then there's the pot growing bozo who ... [...]

Sandy Dunkin! Please pick up the tink- um- pink courtesy phone. Now boarding. Second star to the right and straight on till morning. Some storm, eh? As the winds howl and rattle your mind, we hope each and every one of you is high and dry, safe & sound. Here’s our Hurricane Sandy edition of You [...]

All juiced up and nowhere to go... Coppers are cleaning up crime in bloody old England one blind man at a time. Call that a sword? No, 'tis me stick, twit! ZAP!!! Have a little fire, scarecrow. You really can’t make up this crap. Speaking of which... Got manure? Take a ride on America’s first-ever [...]

New smartphones for our staff! Saved big $ and helps the "Re-Elect Harper" gang dump evidence. Anyone seen the Tar Sands truck? This week's show... Music radio format change: FAIL! Dumbest bank robber EVER! $11,000 coffee maker IT Help Desk? My screen drips PLUS, music from Brooklyn's "Dynasty Electric." Electronica meets psychedelic meets soul. We hear Blondie. What's [...]

Nothing like campaign season, right? We know you can’t wait for it to be OVER! Step into our voting booth. No need to research candidates. Pick a celebrity and cast your ballot! Can’t get any worse. It's not logical. ;-) WTF?? A new addition to the list of the world's most hazardous golf courses. Fun With English. You [...]

Hey Dixie, pay up! Three years ago NOBODY read this rag magazine. So 2 Kens saved 'em from belly upville. Today they're flush as a hog in a double wide. Don't believe it? Listen. Dammit, Bobby! A teen walks into a liquor store with a fake Bobby Hill ID. Dozens of shops, actually. How'd that work out? What do you think? [...]

2 fer Tuesday... Two shows in one week?! Yep. After a month off everyone's favorite malaprop, “Fun With English” fumbles the news. The police blotter was overflowing while we were away, and we've two robbers so stupid, even the newspaper called them MORONS! MUSIC .. Country rocker Patty Mattson is back with tracks from her [...]

As tourist traps go... Dildo, Newfoundland guarantees to tickle your imagination and satisfy your wanderlust. Be sure to try the sticky pudding. No, really. Don't wrap it, bag it! Would you pay $300 for a brown paper bag? Women everywhere are doing it. Would we lie to you? Music this show from country rock sensation, Patty Mattson! [...]

We're still hangin' with your therapist [phttt] on the vacation you paid for. To ease our guilt here's a brand new show! Big thanks to Mitt, Ochocinco, Humble Bolt, the NYC Taxi Authority, and one pure genius who got creative with a Sharpie and - PRESTO! - Instant Church! Music from Billboard's Top 30 Summer Songs of [...]

Ah, vacation time! Sun, sand and ... *needle scratch* Before loading up our woodie and heading for surf city we dropped a little something in your beach bag. One of our 10 Best of Shows e v e r! Here's the quickee version of "Checking Out?"... Want the full-length version? Here 'tis...

I got your therapy right here! Imagine a world without shrinks, aka: August. We also considered pulling the plug, but couldn't be responsible (shut up!) for those long lines at the ledge. Relax ding-a-lings, your PC duo will hold your hand till the docs return. Just wondering though, where do the white noise machines go in [...]

Lava lamp? Check! Add waterbed, Barry White and a bong and you get happier cows! It's the latest craze sweeping dairyland USA so pull up a milking stool and pull a spell. Are you smarter than the mayor of Des Moines? He thinks thousands are fleeing his city. He heard it on The Onion. Is that bridge in [...]

Escape hatch from hell... Ask yourself: why am I still single? Don't blame the cat. Disaster dating is the problem. But thanks to eHarmony you can play their field *and* have unlimited get-out-of-jail-free cards! (bonus: after six bad dates you have enough phony sob stories to write for daytime TV!) Mayor Dumbass from New Mexico... He'll run for President [...]

Grill this... As America's heat wave toasts the elderly, Granny & Gramps have bigger problems. TV weather-guessers watchers have become downright militant! Happy Independence Day Papi! Other stuff we can't make up... Michigan invades the men's room to fight drunk driving. We have the inside scoop on new patents for stuff nobody asked for or needs. And meet another moron [...]

Obama fires Senate... Germany invades Poland. British demand U.S. state. Listen to what happens when idiots New Yorkers can't tell fact from fake! More stuff we didn't make up... Summer fests you didn't know existed... A car thief who messed with the wrong cowboy... Fun with English! (so THAT's what proof readers do?) Fired Up! No Canadian [...]

Summertime... And the livin' is EZ. Strip down, kick back and get loosey goosey with us as we roll out those Lazy (nighty night smart phone), Hazy (how high were you on Commencement Day?), Crazy (psst: Little Women author died a virgin!) Days of stuff you cannot make up! Get down tonight... Do a little dance to [...]

Does Patty Duke know? They laugh alike, they walk alike, at times they even talk alike - they're MARRIED, they're two of a kind! Forget the ugly wife supposition, all you need to stay happilly weeded wedded for the rest of your life is an ugly wardrobe. For two. Speaking of tacky... Planning brand suicide. Hire the PR brains [...]

Ellie Mae Clampett ... Please pick up the red courtesy phone. Kentucky finally hit the tourism motherlode. Yep, bigger 'en better than Beverly Hillbillies reruns and Roadkill Bingo. And you can ketch it on the History Channel rat naw. Leave to those kissin' cousins from another time The Hatfields & McCoys to bring folks a runnin' from miles [...]

20th Century Skunk... Hollywood missed the boat, this first movie-going weekend of summer. The boat in question spans multiple football fields, so you see just how myopic the film industry has become. Don't look for tinsel town's next blockbuster (cue laugh track) "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter." It doesn't open until late June. On the Navy's [...]

Victoria Day in Canada has us waxing nostalgic for the good old days when men were men and Prince Albert came in a can. This week's show is loaded (watch your step). Bovine hijinks afoot to benefit a student kegger. Towns nobody calls home. Cats and Dogs 1, Rome 0. How NOT to hide evidence from the cops. Music for [...]

Missed it by that much... Mom's Day gifts for next year? Stupid.com has you covered when the ding bat who raised you finally fesses up that you're ... ADOPTED! Free love with benefits! Sweden offers the world's 6th best quality of life, just ahead of Canada (US 12th). Best of all, if pilling up DUI's is your [...]

Release the hounds... Hung over from May 5th and unable to afford air fare to Pamplona, we cheaped it out in Kansas City. Some PR flack thought THIS could help the city's image? Are you dumber than...? While pulling a robbery, avoid saying "give me all your cash." Unpredictable things happen. Kiss this! Meet 8 small time [...]

Gray matters... Think the culture can't possibly fry more brain cells online? You haven't met Drinkify! Booze made for music. Need a sure-fire way to end a relationship quickly? Go hunting with Steve & Lisa. And his invisible hog. The critter nuts are coming! Bird brains versus cat crazies in Concord, Mass. More "Fun with English" and a stupid criminal trick. Enjoy [...]

Three years and four months ago ... We set out to prove that stupidity is the world's richest resource. An endless, bottomless treasure trove of hilarity. 199 shows later we're still shucking oysters and harvesting pearls of idiocy. Enjoy our Bicentennial edition! And keep the lunacy coming. Musical guest: Brooklyn singer/songwriter Lexie Roth. Linkage: TP dilemma? Oh, [...]

Tit for Tax Fake boobs. Free beer. Arsonist fee. Since the Boston Harbor social, people have tried to sneak the the wackiest deductions past the Tax Man. Some of 'em worked! Are you smarter than an IRS examiner? Find out. Toilet trained... Where most tweets belong. When in Rome... And here you thought it impossible to ruin the decorum. [...]

Jewish cuisine is an oxymoron... Passover it on. Ah, Pesach. Eight days of pushing aside good tasting food and drink for ... yuck! Keeping Kosher not your thing? Say it with us... Bacon! Oh, get over yourself. Nothing here is sacred. (see 12 Days of Dumb). Hey, c'mon back next week and we'll wreck Easter [...]

Greetings from the Bog ... Grab a vodka cranberry and set a spell. What? You expected college hoops, babes and beer? Didn't know spelling was required? Perfect! Our monthly Fun With English snafu is cued & ready to roll. Don't worry. We'll speak slowly. Just push the little PLAY button below (hint: it's the only four letter word there so [...]

Longer days and shorter shows... Mobile fans demanded it and we laughed listened. Cram this show in your iPhone-addicted ear. This week... a village idiot mayor in Italy tells residents it's illegal to die... We found arguably the most insipid credit card fraud ever... more proof that local TV news should be blown up... and dumb and dumber get [...]

Now just imagine trying this with a CAT!

Self-serve... Frankly, we thought it was a tad early weather-wise to be cleansing the gene pool—but Gary Banning in North Carolina had other ideas. Yes, the season’s very first Darwin Award Nominee goes out in a blaze of glory with his first (and last) appearance on You Can’t Make It Up! Other stuff we didn't make [...]

Listen as we connect the stupidity dots to old #19, the great Johnny Unitas. No time for the radio show? Try our CliffNotes. 1] played at Louisville (Kentucky) 2] State's tourism boss axed for botched PR job outsourced to the UK . 3] Video above? UK cable channel. 4] There's this guy (from the UK) who married 19 women. Divorced once. Oops! [...]

Let them eat cake... Our crack research staff, we call 'em Team Stupid, stepped up to make our Fun With English edition a winner. Big thanks to Andi in Toronto for digging up that sign. Tempting to stock up on domestics, but then go explain THAT lot at the border. Kudos to T in Tennessee for tipping us [...]

Seasoned to taste(less)... Naked thief (except for socks) tasered at Walmart.. TV news, doggie style .. Corn fed and bonkers for bacon (goooo Hawkeyes!).. App dating for  basement trolls (who's on 3rd?) .. 3-wheelin' drunken pianist. Magical mystery tour... Our guest band “Secret Skwirl”…? Ain’t their real name. It’s a real mystery and you can start gathering [...]

Chemistry, chocolate, sausage and sewage ... And if you're not sick yet, toss in love and madness. It's how we humans half-bake relationships hoping for happiness every Feb 14. Assuming you're still aboard the Tilt-A-Whirl of romance, we found some bizarre, last-minute Valentine gift ideas certain to bring one of two results tonight. Nobody's ever survived either of 'em. [...]

Cons 1, Cops 0 ... Prison pranksters in Vermont might as well have yelled Sooie! State police cars there sport decals featuring the image of a pig. Only took officials four years to notice. BBQ anyone? Someone say pig? No matter HOW much you love BACON, we found something that could have you gagging on it. And no, [...]

She ain't called Jezebel for nothin We failed to get sued last time we tried, so we’ll try harder. Taking dead aim at a stupid LAWYER should work. Poor bastard thinks defamation of character applies to the Web. Hell hath no fury, dude! Other crap we didn't make up... 104 yr old judge goes out blazing.. [...]

Gas menagerie... Puppet court, and DC rats, oh my. This one's for you, TSA (icing optional) Music from Meghan Cary includes title track to her upcoming album "Building This House."

Angst for the memories... So your New Year’s resolution (fool) was to dump someone. What do you do with all their “stuff?” Helpful little anti-cupids that we are, there actually is an answer! Remember: we’re not responsible for the consequences. Think of us as the HMO of comedy. btw... some dump-ees share a big relationship [...]

Gearing up for sweeps month... Local TV news has never been more fun to rip. If you're a Neilson Family, cover your ears because we take dead aim at a shrink wrapped news team in Nashville, and a station in Detroit that could drag us into their legal mess before nightfall. Is Denny Crane still [...]

Can anyone here PLAY this game? Casey Stengal paid a visit on the eve, and as visions of Choo Choo Coleman danced in our heads, the old professor likened the futility of his dreadful, '62 Mets to the ignorance and utter incompetetence of those guardians of our native tongue. It's true. English is dead. Don't blame the [...]

Freud Saves Houses of worship are getting into our act this time of year. We take you on a guided tour of some pretty stupid signage - crafted, apparently, to grow the congregation. How's that working out for ya, padre? Holiday songs by... The Invincible Czars deliver the famed "Nutcracker" the way we think Tchaikovsky had [...]

Gift of Life 1, FDA 0 ... The government has dubbed him a "one man sperm bank" and demands he abstain. But Trent Arsenault, father of 14 (four more on the way), says his free disseminations to women he meets online must continue. "Couples and women who can't conceive need me." Maybe so, but you've [...]

A putz by any other name... Here's the thing about gag gifts. They scream "frat house loser" and make recipients feel icky. No wonder it's a multi-million dollar industry. Chia Pet Obama heads, Hillary Clinton toilet bowl brushes and Cougar soap are big business. America, you ROCK! We dedicate Day 9 of our 12 Days of [...]

In this corner... Nothing ratchets up the Battle of the Sexes like the holidays. Especially when one of you earns the lionesses lion's share of the household income. We discovered an interesting end-game tactic of our species. To call off the fight the really stupid (or diabolical) bread winners get proactive at work. It's Day 8 of our [...]

Neighbors make bad fences... But when the heist involves three major holiday icons, well, let's see YOU unload this loot! We consult Mr. Holmes who reminds ... when you've eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. Apologies to Terry Cashman for the post title ripoff. High flattery, copyright infringement. Semantics, right? :)  Here's Day [...]

Oxymorons for 500, Alex... Just in time for Mensa’s annual holiday party: the Smartest Bar in America. If you thought drinking and thinking don't mix, you've never knocked back a few brews with the bar trivia gang at the Mezzanine in Houston, TX. Bet those pickup lines get real creative by closing time.  Hope you enjoy Day 6 [...]

Donald Draper slept here... We found a treasure trove of the dumbest holiday ads eveeeeer created. If you've been very good little boys and girls this year we'll stuff a few in your stocking. Gotta run, Santa's into the sangria again. Happy 5th Day of Dumb, y'all! Oh, watch where you step tomorrow. Chased away most [...]

If Stanislavski could tweet... He'd have thousands of 150 year old followers. Imagine the stench. And his book 'An Actor Prepares?' I've read it. Hell, I've used it. Trust me, there's nothing in there about Twitter. What if I show up where you work and tweet over your shouler? Hey, I think FOX just found its [...]

All lubed up and nowhere to go Are the kids asleep? Wouldn't want them hearing this. Did you know there's a company offering free tips on how to steal some frisky time for you two - even as Uncle Ed and Aunt Tilley are decking your halls? Tune in and get the skinny. [we'll say "For mature [...]

In the immortal words of Charles Barkley... I ain't your kid's role model. Neither is Frosty the Snowman. At Christmas '09 we told you about the evil Frosty CBS promotions had drawn up for the kiddies. Now there's a sidewalk Frosty kicking police dogs and taking no prisonsers. No ho-ho-ho. It's time for Frosty to go. Don't get us wrong. [...]

And the winner is... Day 1 of our 12 Days of Dumb brings a yuletide tradition. We've all been there. Out of town family invading your holidays. Quick, think of something. Cambria Suites has a fat reward for the fattest fib. Word of caution? Make it good. Divorce is best served with roasted chestnuts. Holiday songs from... Nicole [...]

Like a box of chocolates... Pity your poor local TV news anchor. They never know what will pop up over their shoulder from the space cadet in graphics. Listen as a weather dude makes a great save! (did we ever have this much fun at CNN?) How the mighty have fallen... Once nationally recognized, this sheriff got [...]

We think we've unearthed Hollywood's next blockbuster. Thanks to a pompous windbag archeology professor in England, Harrison Flockhart Ford may once again draw a paycheck. (Calista still works, right? ) My oven's missing a roast setting Just one of thousands of stupid things Butterball Hotline operators heard while you were gorging yourself last Thursday. We turned some [...]

Is that a drumstick in your pocket? We thought you'd enjoy our "Best of" Turkey Days past. There's the brazen turkey breast bandit with the interesting escape plan, a kitty litter stuffing recipe, a TV news gal who got a history lesson from the former Governator, the best place to dine out on Thursday if [...]

Don't drink the water here. Goofy survey finds young women prefer tunes to - um - can't remember what that other thing is. A club where all the members have a fabric fetish. Girls Guide to Liberty, a conservative radio talker is following us on Twitter?? And you don't want to know what they did to poor, [...]

Hello, Siri? Where's the pizza guy? Is Amtrak on time? Can I trust my GPS? Maybe the devil really is in the details. To Slur and Disrespect When it comes to improving police-community relations, there must be better tactics. Still, it is 100% cotton and only $12. Take Me I'm Yours No, really! Takes the embarrassing guesswork [...]

Spook night is here. Ghosts and goblins fill your bags with maple syrup (the real stuff, no 5 years in slam for us!). Candy? Here's a sweet idea to count Hungarians. Hope it comes to America. Lots of great advice this week, too. How NOT to pass your driver's test. The absolute WORST ride to escape [...]

Go play in Traffic... More proof (like there wasn't enough) that the kids playing dress up for your local TV news are into mommy's and daddy's stash. We found one bimbo anchor team having waaay too much fun in heels. You s'pose that's where Steve Winwood got the idea? Other stuff we didn't make up... Malingering houseguests? Rid them the [...]

Visiting Gila Bend? Take the scenic route. Oh, wait! There isn't one. That stretch of Arizona road has put more drivers to sleep than the last GOP presidential hopeful. Found a guy in NJ with bigger cojones than Chris Christie. Meet the publisher who thinks you should choose between reading his mag and a new Jetta. Same price. [...]

Bankers Hours... Lemme get this straight. A Castilian queen takes a flyer on a 15th century sailor's dalliance for a Western trade route and Wall Street traders gets a day off. What's an Occupier to do? Listen to our ship's manifest of nonsense. In the Pink... It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month and our guest musical artist, [...]

Silly season in PC Country... Forget the screeching God Squad, anyone else find it odd that our new hero, Steve Cuckovich teaches high school health? Bottoms up... There's a new brew in Fargo. Honey, me and the boys are going out for a few Wood Chippers. Honey? Strange. She was here a minute ago. Our musical [...]

Parkay The state that legalized hunting for gun-toting ten year olds is at it again. Wisconsin might repeal the butter-only law for schools and prisons (we know, Fonz, same thing) that's been around since Grover Cleveland was president. Dairy farmers couldn't be madder if Brett Favre had texted their daughters. No more Happy Cows for you, cheese [...]

Rejoice, there's something for every lazy man and woman this week. Meal planners, we've another fast, easy and sooo not good for you (like our mobile show? We heard that!) heart attack on a plate. Trying to break a certain early morning habit that makes you late for everything? There's an App for that! Oh, and [...]

Fertility Dancing with The Stars... Two lifetimes in radio and we thought we'd heard it all. Nope. Ottawa's Hot 89.9 is blowing steam into icy bedrooms. Anyone else hear ka-CHING!? Desperately seeking degrees... Colleges are ranked on all kinds of things - best party schools, smartest students - but here's one they ain't braggin' on. Quick Slants... [...]

You gonna turn or what? ... Happy Labor Day (you too, Canada)! Highways packed, temps rising, tempers flare. We found an unusual case of road rage that would make The Gray Panthers and AARP proud. Tail of Two Kitties... Barry landed in California. His brother Jack missed the plane and was last seen catting around [...]

Cristie Creme... This week we reveal what really frosted NJ's gov as Irene bore down. You're reading this so you survived. As a reward EVERYONE gets access to our VIP show! Let's see, there's the court case that tipped the scales of justice - literally. Real estate sales are booming for luxury playhouses. Perfect wedding gift, [...]

Friar Tucks... Montezuma's revenge can't hold a prayer candle to the Curse of Michelangelo. If God listens to a group of Franciscan friars a certain bible thief in Italy is going to get more than his soul cleansed. Let he who is without sin listen to this week's show. Gee Officer Bob can I try that?... [...]

Only other explanation?... Population control. Why else would someone put up uttlerly baffling road signs? We found nine more just as stupid as this one. Oh, and a classified ad for a crash test dummy for sale! It has to be the drinking water. Snooki's got gamey game... Have you heard? Jersey's Shore's poster bimbo [...]

It's Party Study Time... Now that it's too late to do anything about it, we thought we'd tell you moms and dads why your pride and joy begged to attend these schools. Big surprise, huh? [Above for VIP listeners only] Here come da judge... Meet the honorable Martin Sheehan. Hiz honer sure does have a [...]

Reality TV bites... Gotta love irony. The mistress match queen has met her match. 80 year old birds with razor sharp peckers (shut up!) are not to be toyed with. Yet there she is, the notorious Heidi Fleiss making nice with a parrot in glorious HD (Animal Planet, Sun 10p ET). She even sleeps with 'em. [...]

It's baseball Ray tightwad! Kevin Costner is part owner of a minor league team near Chicago. Last week the play-by-play guy for the club, fed up over unwritten paychecks and no meal money, imploded. ON-AIR! Howard Beale would've given the dude a standing O. Not the smartest career move though. We bet he's "seeing a whole team of psychiatrists."   VIP listeners [...]

Pastafarianism... A new religion is sweeping Europe. Its followers draw spiritual enlightenment from the kitchen. Church dogma: To raise consciousness, one colander at a time. Or maybe it's just a ruse to beat a traffic ticket. You know we don't make up this crap! VIP listeners also get these stories: Think you're having a bad day? Put [...]

This week we present four stories of abject idiocy. Cast your vote for the Dumbest Moment of Duh!  Stupid German police work Another example of drinking making you stupid Man robs bar but forgets to take the loot Man steals plane from flight school but can't get it off the ground Our free show is 17 min. [...]

Happy Independence Day, America! Let the backyard BBQs and fireworks begin! Unless you live on the street, sleeping in doorways and cars, that is. Then the 4th of July is pretty much like the 3rd, with the promise of more of the same on the 5th. Know what? 1 in 4 of those invisible homeless you only [...]

There's hope for us all... Unemployed or lovelorn? Take heart. If a clown with a criminal rap sheet from hell can get a job and a girlfriend, any guy can. Yep, Guy Fowlkes had it all goin on - until last Tuesday when it all blew up. (thanks to listener Greg F for giving us the [...]

Norwegians must lead pretty dull lives. Or they're just plain cheap. How else would you explain more than a quarter of the entire population tuning in to watch 134 hours of a reality show aboard a cruise ship? Rusty, get in the life boat! Other stuff we didn't make up... In the wake of Father's Day, [...]

We lost Leonard Stern last week. Brilliant TV comedy writer (Steve Allen, The Honeymooners, Get Smart) but best-remembered by millions as the co-inventor of the funniest party game ever- Mad Libs. We tossed out a few verbs, nouns, adverbs and adjectives in his honor and came up with a new Wal-Mart ad. Eat your heart out Madison [...]

Go ahead pillage that pension fund. Conquer competitors with vicious rumors. Have that affair with your CIO's spouse. Whatever's up your sleazy biz sleeve no one will ever find out if you protect your rep with this bad PR cloaking service we found. Bernie would still be bilking while basking in the Bahamas if he'd sprung for this! Other idiocy we didn't make up... [...]

You may fool your wife... But you ain't snowing Janet Olsen. Every new grilling season always brings batches of frantic calls from male BBQ  idiots experts who tell the sweet 67-year old voice at the Weber Grill Hotline they "need to talk to a MAN." Can you guess where this is going? (might even be room [...]

Waiting for God Harold... Odds are old man Camping (0 for 2 if you're scoring at home) will get it right some time so we packed you a readiness kit this week.  There's a service for pets (assuming they aren't already Saved). They guarantee a nice atheist will come rescue your critters in the nick [...]

We wish to thank Illinois governor Pat Quinn for showing us the heretofore error of our misbegotten ways. To wit, wither thou goest this week's show shall be devoid of of bathroom humor, sexual innuendo and other assorted low-class references. Got a problem with that Clyde? Up your pie hole! Music this episode from 18-yr old Aussie, Georgi Kay. [...]

The galactic king of developers has a credibilty problem. He rules local TV - on slow news days - and yet nobody takes him and his grand plan seriously. Ali said if you can do it, it ain't bragging. C'mon Colorado, let him build it. What's a few more little green men in that part of the world? [...]

Laced with literary references and riding the high-minded music of Stanford's Glass Wave this week's show classes up the joint. Need proof of our newly polished pedigree? We found an iPhone app for movie goers with weak bladders. A couple who discovered- as Poe suggested - that walls do not make great neighbors. Insurance to protect you from being sued [...]

Laced with literary references and riding the high-minded music of Stanford's Glass Wave this week's show classes up the joint. Need proof of our newly polished pedigree? We found an iPhone app for movie goers with weak bladders. A couple who discovered- as Poe suggested - that walls do not make great neighbors. Insurance to protect you from being sued [...]

Need college $$? Kid's not a genius? No worries. Plenty of easy dough out there, even for kids who don't know anything. This week's show tells you where to look. Things like PB & J sandwiches and duct tape prom dresses might be your son and daughter's ticket to higher ed. Other stuff we didn't make up... Listen as two members of [...]

You don't have to be female to experience a blonde moment. Crazy things happen to mid-life men in hot cars. Take this breakdown lane bozo. In his defense, blue buttons, blue pills. Easy to get confused. Other stuff we didn't make up... Russian con man has best line yet: Your eyes are getting heavy. When I snap my fingers [...]

Sverige suger... If you follow any Swedes on Twitter you know this. They're pretty bummed. Why? Not a clue, but they finished dead last in Happy. Another oddity on the World Happiness Map is who's #1 for glee. In spite of that one of us scored a perfect 100 on this week's quiz. Play along. (starts at 10 min mark) Other [...]

They always get their man Yes but mounties have horses. Police in the big city of Ottawa are turning to thongs to help them nab the bad guys. Great White North correspondant Nick has the story [9:00] so daft it could only happen in Molson country. Other stuff we didn't make up... King Tut knocks over a [...]

Cherry pick items of interest with (start times) for selected segments. An overflow police blotter has us working overtime. From the pinball wizard behind the wheel (7:15) to the Great Pizza Heist Caper (12:30), to the moron would-be bank robber who did exactly what the teller asked (18:45), stupid criminals abound this week.   Other stuff we didn't make [...]

This week's show contains 100% of your daily requirement of pop culture junk foods. Covert military ops, Facebook phonies, bumbling cops, brainless law breakers, mimes demanding free speech, March Madness, TV news gone wild, magic bras and people named boob or butts. No prisoners taken. You've been warned. Our feature artist...  Deborah Crooks' lyrics are honed by a lifetime of [...]

Here are eight minutes of your life you can't get back. Hoist a few wee bits o' fun and Celtic drinking songs from Irish-American rogue podcaster and cat lover, Marc Gunn. Sure and begorra!

THIS SHOW has moved to our VAULT. Please visit http://2kenscomedy.com

Ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking. Welcome aboard American Airlines Flight 40 non-stop from LA to New York. Those travelers in First Class are in for a treat. Our in-flight turbulence is being provided by MTV darlings, Snooki and JWoww! Everyone else please remain seated. There will be ample time at the gate for you [...]

THIS SHOW has moved to our VAULT. Please visit http://2kenscomedy.com Looking to entertain your Health Care Reform anger management group? Hire these guys. Along with our usual assortment of stupidity and abject absurdity we brought music from Dr. Sam and the Managed Care Blues Band! Dr. Sam Bierstock also wrote our closing song this week, "Before You Go." Sung by John Melnick, it is a tribute to [...]

Might as well know, we hate the Oscars. Huh? You'd rather listen to a drinking show? What a coincidence. That's what a few other turncoats told us. Pop open a brewsky and hear all about it. We are sooo hurt. whaaaa! Other stuff we didn't make up... a bozo screw up in Congress..  a robber who forgot to keep his [...]

Forget labor unrest in Wisconsin we've got European witches in a boil .. a new narcissistic high online .. local TV news stirring up cancer fears .. a dumb study on why men can't remember what the pretty anchor tells them .. record-breaking culinary capers on campus .. and two bozos who bolted a botched robbery with less money than they [...]

Every love story, whether told in literary classics or whispered over the back fence, is an emotional  roller coaster. Bumps, bliss, bizzare beginnings, poorly chosen gifts and - if you stay together long enough - the odd obit, seemingly written more to amuse its reader than to honor the dearly departed. Our Valentines Day show has [...]

THIS SHOW has moved to our VAULT. Please visit http://2kenscomedy.com. In case of emergency... They may be your neighbor. Or the clerk at your corner deli. Or maybe even your postal carrier. This week we salute (careful which finger you use) those clueless folks young and old who can't seem to figure out how to call for help- or when. Other stuff we didn't make [...]

Memo to sponsors... Now that we've hit 10,000 unique listeners a month (minor bruises, relax), shouldn't your brand be associated with stupid stuff? We name five perfect sponsors for us that you've never heard of. Just sayin. Our annual list of sandwiches and drinks that will kill you is here. Take notes. The in-laws are due to show up [...]

The Osmond's went here... Planning the family vacation but money's tight? We found the perfect low-rent budget destination. Even won awards. For what? No idea. At least the restrooms are clean. Everyone says so. Rusty, get in the car! Also on this week's show... Listen with us as a TV sports commentator implodes his career in front of [...]

Dean Wermer was right... Fat, drunk and stupid may be no way to go through life, but how much fun would this show be if Earthlings suddenly sobbered up? We give thanks this week to the alien beer babes for leaving a few blotto bozos behind. Memo to TV news folks: Don't report and drive. Want proof? Now [...]

45th & Lex and step on it Mister Ambassador...  We begin 2011 with a new dress code for NYC taxi drivers (we heard that), and a new image for Snooki (hold your breath). Want to know the 10 dumbest cities in America? We found 'em, along with a great excuse for the next time you miss your AA meeting. Stupid criminals abound this [...]

Awe geeze We miss you, too. You Can't Make It Up returns Mon. Jan 10th with all new shows! While you wait re-live our 12 Daze of Dumb.

Do a little dance... Make a little love. Get down tonight. Helps if you gave her - or him - a really romantic card. Too late to fix that this Christmas, but next year try a card and "candy" shop we found. Just don't tell her why it took you 3 hours. Holiday tunes this show include "Seasons of [...]

Twas the night before yada, yada... And mamma in her stance, a two-handed grip and I in a flash, scream "9-1-1? Come QUICK!" Then I heard her exclaim as she clicked off the safety 'Merry Christmas, you creep- I know about Katie!' Nothing says Happy Holidays like a handgun.  Just be sure you've nothing to hide. Here's Day 11 of our [...]

Can't anyone proof-read? They've done such a great job all year we decided to dedicate Day 10 of our 12 Days of Dumb to those stalwart guardians of the printed news word. Were they not so inept, your 2 Kens would have to get real jobs. (like that's ever gonna happen) HEY, it's our two year anniversary of [...]

Bow your heads and let us play... Tis the season. The time of year when millions flock to houses of worship to seek spiritual guidance - only to find billboards, bulletins and other announcements nobody bothered to read out loud. Our advice? Don't let worries kill you. Let the church help. Enjoy Day 9 of our 12 Daze of [...]

Hey Mattel, what were you thinking? Why in the name of Walter Cronkite would any parent want their child playing with News Anchor Barbie? TV news is dead. Nobody watches anymore. Ask anyone clawing to get out of the industry. AOL bloggers fresh out of J-school keep us informed now. Citizen journo's tweet what passes for news. Us? We can't [...]

What women don't want... Day 7 of our 12 Daze Dumb comes with this shopping reminder for guys. Don't get her a household appliance. Although, if she's into tech gadgets... just saying ;) Our holiday tune is this haunting rendition of "Carol of the Bells."  Celtic Christmas music from the Inner Splendor album, "In The Spirit Of Peace - [...]

Who needs 160 year-old traditions? Brit lawmakers really did it this holiday season! Merchants in London and elsewhere around jolly old England have their pants in a twist over new legislation that classifies Christmas crackers as - well, make sure you bring your ID shoppers. Merry Christmas you lawmaking TWITS! Holiday tunes include "Food" by the always funny [...]

No more Mr. Niceville... Niceville, Florida. Slogan on their web site says: NICE FOLKS. NICE TOWN. NICE TO VISIT. Not so nice for one city worker who decided to do a little holiday payback and hijack the town's annual Christmas parade. Cops say he blew a .266. You drink big, you plan big. Holiday tune is "Westward By Night" from [...]

Of course his name is Doody... Thanks to a pathetic engineering student pandering to score with women, we found the perfect gift for that special co-ed on your list. No daughters? Oops. Well, you can always adopt. Holiday tunes played: "The Perfect Gift" by Megaphone and "Hip Hop Christmas" by Mark Mangold of The Radiant. Breakfast tomorrow? Bring [...]

She's guaranteed to tumble... Relax. Your high school rep is safe with us. We're talkin tumbleweed, gal. Nothing says Christmas like a dried up piece of brush with colored lights. Buy it online. Dern cheap, too. Hang 'er from the trailer or give as a gift. Either way, first good wind it'll be gone. It's guaranteed. Click [...]

2 Kens 12 Days of Christmas: Day 2

Now twirling at the Spinagogue... Why are we talkin Hannukkah this 1st Day of Christmas? Count the reasons: There's beer, fast action, colorful player names, beer, hot babes, beer, CASH prizes and, well, click the PLAY button down there and let the good times roll.. um.. spin! Music heard includes "Merry Christmas My Love" from the dynamic voice and [...]

Stressed? Take our daily dose of dumb! Dec 14-25 .

Cage fighting wussie... Be ashamed Joey Villaseñor. Be very ashamed. We can't wait for you to climb out of the fetal position and explain to MMA fans (of which you now have ZERO) how your half-pint ex spanked your sorry butt. Hell hath no fury like a local TV reporter with your garage door opener. Other [...]

One of us lost his Internet connection Sunday night, just hours ahead of the Mrs. plans to bankrupt us using just a single credit card and her index finger. Tech support was a big help, as you will hear. Good thing we're pg-13. Is that a drumstick in your pocket or? ... Odd things happen around  Thanksgiving. Let's [...]

Kitty litter for dinner? Thanksgiving Day is right around the corner and the fine folks at the Butterball Hot Line are here to help. Unfortunately, some callers are so dumb, they're beyond help. Listen to some actual questions about how to prep Tom Turkey for our feast. Warning: don't try these at home! Going out [...]

This show originates at http://2kenscomedy.com Four on a match... Meet Kelly, Barry, Shaun and Nicola, the UK entry in the World Cup of Marital Musical Chairs. Everyone is dummy in this odd little game of mate swap Bridge. If their kids are smart they'll be elsewhere when the couples exchange vows again- not that the words, I Do [...]

Off with their training wheels The reasoning behind a curious high court ruling in New York state smacks of the classic line from the Bard's Henry VI, part II. You know, the one about murder and lawyers. When it comes to bicycling - according to the judge - another esteemed playright had it wrong. Youth, it turns [...]

This show originates at http://2KensComedy.com Had enough mud? On Tuesday we in America get to restore sanity to our political process. Or not. Candidates everywhere seem to have perfected the negative ad. Listen as we say goodbye to some of the bigger bozos and bozettes - one of whom flew onto our doorstep this Halloween still insisting she [...]

Pedal to the Metal State... Virginia's new idea for highway safety seems tailor made for - say it with us - population control. Mason and Dixon had to draw the line somewhere. Stupid job titles must go... Had enough 80′s dot-com insanity clogging your inbox? Go on a rant. Like this week's special guest did on [...]

Gimme some of that $45 mil... Can't blame a Superior Court judge for using her courtroom for a TV justice audition. If only she'd told everyone why the camera was rolling. Reviled in Cleveland... If LeBron is Public Enemy #1 in Cavs country, a company called Perfect Timing is #2. Order your holiday catalogue today! Just because you can... [...]

Not made up this week...

Stuff you never expected to buy from a machine ...

Cowboys' WAGs and other must-miss sports drek (sure to be a hit) in the new Fall TV lineup ...

Postal workers election on hold (next time FedEX the ballots!) ...

Smile bloke, you're on Catch A Thief Cam ...

Remembering the great St. Giles Beer Flood of 1814 ...

Music by...

NYC's Brother Joscephus & The Love Revival Revolution Orchestra. One of the very first INDIE bands we featured here (March '09 -show #14). Welcome back, BroJo!

If you enjoy this week's show, email and tell us. We love fan mail!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Not made up this week... Stuff you never expected to buy from a machine Cowboys' WAGs and other must-miss sports TV drek (sure to be a hit) this Fall Postal workers election on hold (next time FedEX the ballots!) Smile bloke, you're on Catch A Thief Cam Remembering the great St. Giles Beer Flood of 1814 [...]

What has four legs and 140 characters? Social networking gone to wretched excess. Twitter goes to the dogs. For the human who wants to know everything about their pet. But what happens when Fido spots Fee-Fee? Good thing it ain't hockey... Nine nominees for Major League Baseball's "Pansy of the Year." Restaurants are trying to off us (again)... Killer burgers, [...]

What has four legs and 140 characters?

Social networking gone to wretched excess. Twitter goes to the dogs. For the human who wants to know everything about their pet. But what happens when Fido spots Fee-Fee?

Good thing it ain't hockey...

Nine nominees for Major League Baseball's "Pansy of the Year."

Restaurants are trying to off us (again)...

Killer burgers, killer fries. Menu items concocted for one reason: population control.

148 thousand volts and still going...

Meet Blake Arnold, TV news "live shot" truck driver - and amateur toast-maker.

Moment of DUH!

You let the inmates out, they aren't coming back. Tell it to these jailors in the UK.

Amping up the energy, this week's musical guest Kelly Greene brings it like Pat Benetar, Annie Lennox, and Ann Wilson. We sample two tunes from the Poughkeepsie NY rocker's "I Wish I Was Alive" album, including the title track.

If you enjoy this week's show, email and tell us. We love fan mail!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

This week we take dead aim at a world adrift in a sea of poor spelling, bad grammar and just plain stupid stuff educators do. If teachers and public officials don't get it, how can the kids? Red faced in South Bend... Fighting Irish football shame aside, that stupid billboard is a real embarrassment. Nobody proof reads [...]

This week we take dead aim at a world adrift in a sea of poor spelling, bad grammar and just plain stupid stuff educators do. If teachers and public officials don't get it, how can the kids?

Red faced in South Bend...

Fighting Irish football shame aside, that stupid billboard is a real embarrassment. Nobody proof reads anything anymore.

Madagascar's Got Talent...

Talk about your goofy rituals about death. This African nation takes Finnegan's Wake to a whole new level! Listen to the opening of our show then watch the video. Our version is waay more fun. Neither comes with popcorn.

When pigs fly...

Police in Ireland (sensing a theme here?) have this crafty idea who to bust pub keepers for serving underaged drinkers. We can't see ANYTHING going wrong with this sting operation can you?

Bumbling Bulgarian biker bag man...

Our stupid criminal tip of the week: keep your balance.

Dublin's Dylan...

This week's musical guest is an acoustic rock/folk dude from Dublin, whose music is in the Pink Floyd, Bob Dylan mold. Peter Doran's new album is "Sleepless Street". We sampled "Twisted Freak" and "The Composer."

If you enjoy this week's show, email and tell us. We love fan mail!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

We'd pay to hear his concession speech...

The good news for Tennessee's GOP is, Basil "Back to Basics" Marceaux did not win his party's goober-natorial primary. (If you live there the bad news is 35-hundred people voted for him!) Frankly, with rousing website rhetoric like the following, we can't understand why he lost: 

VOTE FOR ME AND IF I WIN I WILL IMMUNE YOU FROM ALL STATE CRIMES FOR THE REST OF YOU LIFE! (Except violating a citizen rights this would be a special punishment ) Making Tennessee the first state in the United States to actually listen to the U.S.and state Constitution ,and all cities charters.

Would have made a great governor, don't ya think? Wait until you hear him speak. (yes, it's on the show!)

Better get Geico...

Another bozo running for Gov -- Nevada's Eugene "Gino" DiSimone -- has a brilliant idea to get you to the craps table faster. Hold $25 bucks aside and we'll tell you about it.

Other stuff we didn't make up this week... A cop who did everything - really, everything - to get fired, and still had trouble getting the courts to agree. A new tech device to thwart crooked cabbies. And a quick-thinking crime victim who REALLY surprised her assailant. Don't ask- just listen! Bonus link: Basil Marceaux TV campaign ad. Thanks to Dave F. for that!

Big fan of Crosby, Stills & Nash? You'll dig Denver's Ironwood Rain. This week's musical guests have been compared to The Eagles, Counting Crows, Cold Play and John Mellencamp.

If you enjoy this week's show, email and tell us. We love fan mail!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

We'd pay to hear his concession speech... The good news for Tennessee's GOP is, Basil "Back to Basics" Marceaux did not win his party's goober-natorial primary. (If you live there the bad news is 35-hundred people voted for him!) Frankly, with rousing website rhetoric like the following, we can't understand why he lost:  VOTE FOR ME AND IF [...]

Could not have gotten here... Without all of you. Keep doing what you do and we 2 Kens will keep getting cheap laughs from it. Seriously, THANK YOU to the world's greatest podcast fans!!! Our milestone 100th is dedicated to our dear departed kitty Miss Beeper and showcases the dumbest of the dumb heard here since December 23, 2008. [...]

Could not have gotten here...

Without all of you. Keep doing what you do and we 2 Kens will keep getting cheap laughs from it. Seriously, THANK YOU to the world's greatest podcast fans!!!

Our milestone 100th is dedicated to our dear departed kitty Miss Beeper, and showcases the dumbest of the dumb heard here since Dec. 23, 2008. Hope you enjoy it!

Special thanks to musican, author and fellow podcaster George Hrab for his comedy bit, Moses & Morty to open this show.

If you enjoy this week's show, email and tell us. We love fan mail!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Mel woulda been blown away... What do you get when 1,000+ gallons of baked beans are gobbled up at a State Fair? New world's record put Pinson, Alabama on the map. Probably blew a hole clean through it. You should see how they treat counterfeiters... Wait until you hear what Maine conservation officials are doing to [...]

Mel woulda been blown away...

What do you get when 1,000+ gallons of baked beans are gobbled up at a State Fair? New world's record put Pinson, Alabama on the map. Probably blew a hole clean through it.

You should see how they treat counterfeiters...

Wait until you hear what Maine conservation officials are doing to out-of-staters smuggling in contraband firewood. Load up the truck, Ma, we got us one dumb bunch of hicks to bamboozle!

You want fries with that?...

Fat, drunk, stupid and craving a big Mac is no way to go through life, M'am. Um.. lady? One of you in the drive-thru wanna see if she's still alive?

Dave won't do THAT again...

It is always a risk to e-mail us with stupid stuff you found. While we'll gladly take free content, sending it to us comes with some pain. Dave F - formerly from somewhere nearby a Michigan state prison - learns that lesson this week. (keep em coming Dave!). A fun link to a sign Dave found: http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4070/4486543395_5cd2ab6605_m.jpg Also, Dave wrote: "Can you imagine a chain of truck stops with this as their official logo?" http://www.kumandgo.com/

Other stuff we didn't make up this week... the guy next door with his own hyper-local news site... and a kid who wanted to be a cop so badly he turned to crime to afford the police academy. You gotta listen!

Loomis and The Lust are back!

Tunes this show belong to the Santa Barbara pop rock band that wowed us at YCMIU last year. We sample two tracks from their new EP "Space Camp" -- plus, check out their hillarious music video "A-D-D." Too funny! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eE-sVIr_9kw

If you enjoy this week's show, email and tell us. We love fan mail!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Paula's pick... Ms. Poundstone definitely would take the Deep Fried S'mores Pop-Tart. Our choice would be to skip the Sixth Annual Big Tex Choice fried food awards and live a tad longer. Deep in the (triglyceride laden) heart of Texas vendors of some of the worst stuff you could ever do to your arteries are vying [...]

Paula's pick...

No contest. Ms. Poundstone would definitely take the Deep Fried S'mores Pop-Tart. Our choice would be to skip the Sixth Annual Big Tex Choice fried food awards and live a tad longer. Deep in the (triglyceride laden) heart of Texas vendors of some of the worst stuff you could ever do to your arteries are vying for top prize. Judges will make the call Labor Day weekend. We listed the finalists here. (if you vote, go with the Pop Tarts).

When life reeked with joy...

Move-in day for college kids means another freshman class will stun professors with just how little they know about history. We've some actual examples from freshman papers. Listen at your own risk. These will explain a lot! (thanks to Jane C. in Portland, ME for sending this one in!)

Wouldn't hurt to check the bike for priors...

We've unearthed some pretty bizarre crime stories on this show, but this one even baffles us. Did you know that it is apparently illegal in one Florida community to have an obscene argument with your bicycle? You don't need to ask. Of course alcohol was involved. And no, we don't know what the legal drinking age is for inanimate objects.

Musical guest this week is Aussie pop sensation, Danielle DeLaite whose video "Nothing To Wear" bears (gotta love the English language) watching. Like most of the artists we feature, Danielle works wiith Ariel Hyatt and CyberPR to make her online publicity POP! Check out Ariel's best-selling book, Music Success in 9 Weeks.

If you enjoy this week's show, email and tell us. We love fan mail!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Who needs Favre? Cheese heads are drawn to the oddest things. Imagine a gubernatorial candidate in your state boasting how well he can hold his beer? Or your kid mooing his way to fame? On Wisconsin.  How to record a YouTube tutorial... First, really know your subject. Second, appear to be prepared. Third, kinda sorta know your [...]

We know why Favre left...

Cheese heads are drawn to the oddest things. Imagine a gubernatorial candidate in your state boasting how well he can hold his beer? Or your kid mooing his way to fame? Only in Wisconsin, folks.

How to record a YouTube tutorial...

First, really know your subject. Second, appear to be prepared. Third, kinda sorta know your way around your computer screen. Do NONE of the above and you wind up with this bozo's how-to. We're puzzled as to why more than 14,000 people have viewed it. 

Honey, don't forget your mask...

We've another assemblage of the world's dumbest crooks-- and one geezer bank robber who made his getaway on a walker. Our Stupid Criminal Hotline is very close to becoming a reality! 

Plus ... more Fun with English now that that nobody proof reads or edits news anymore, and music from Mojada, one of Australia's hottest bands.

If you enjoy this week's show, email and tell us. We love fan mail!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Jersey Shore from jail... Certainly would be easier on the cast. Cops finally nab another of the show's so-called stars. (not Snooki this time) Our favorite TV news site, KENS-5 in San Antonio told us so. Ladies, start your engines... If you're looking to shed a few pounds, go for speed. Check out the NASCAR Wives [...]

Jersey Shore from jail...

Might as well. Easier on the cast. Cops finally nabbed another of the show's so-called stars. (No, not "Snooki.") Our favorite TV news sit, KENS-TV in San Antonio told us so.

Ladies, start your engines...

If you're looking to drop a few pounds, go for speed. Check out the NASCAR wives diet. Saw it in Woman's World magazine (nothing else to do at the checkout). We make a pit stop for a second opinion from our favorite Yankee-turned-redneck, Larry from Georgia.

And his nickname is Boobie...

A Chicago man just might have the distinction of being the stupidest criminal we've ever had the pleasure of telling you about. You think you have bad days? This guy makes a career of them.

How do you spell school?

If you know would you please tell the Public Works department in Guilford County, North Carolina. They're a bit cunphuzed.

Musical guest: "The Famous."  This San Francisco-based band mixes Americana with alternative Country and post-punk rock. They've been compared to Drive-by Truckers & Social Distortion, and take their musical influences from the likes of Buck Owens, Johnny Cash and The Pixies.

If you enjoy this week's show, email and tell us. We love fan mail!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Hiccup... A banner week for stories involving various types of kick-a-poo juice. Let's see there's 120 proof beer and the latest trailer trash vino. Wine-in-a-box not low-rent enough for ya? Move to Quaker country and get your grape straight out of vending machines. Smile. You're on breathalizer cam. Another gaggle of idiot law breakers for your listening pleasure. Take the woman who [...]

Hiccup...

A banner week for stories involving various types kick-a-poo juice. Let's see there's 120 proof beer and the latest trailer trash vino. Wine-in-a-box not low-rent enough for ya? Move to Quaker country get your grape straight out of vending machines. Smile. You're on breathalizer camera.

Another gaggle of idiot lawbreakers for your listening pleasure. Take the woman who tried to stick up a taco stand, but was too drunk, stupid and pregnant to draw her weapon. Starbucks in Canada made our hit list. You'll never see this caper on a Frazier rerun. Or how about the moron who knocked over a Wendy's drive-thru, but had all those extra cell minutes and...

Raise you hand. Who's for 14? ...

Politics aside, Jeff Sessions needs a history lesson. Bonus question: Did the Wright brothers know, and when did they know it.

One of us never flies...

The other guy ... well, if we say Detroit and Delta, do you get the feeling there's a nightmare trip ahead? Air travel is sooo much fun. (Hey Delta. Ready when you are. Annnytime.)

MUSICAL GUEST: He's called the "Doctor of the Blues" and Marshall Lawrence and his bottleneck guitar sling a mean brand of Mississippi Delta mud. Odd thing is, he's from Edmonton, Alberta. Yep, Canada.

If you enjoy this week's show, email and tell us. We love fan mail!

Click here for Rhapsody

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

This week...

Revenge of the tipped cows ... BP's Hayward gets his life back (now he needs a map of Siberia) ... Be glad your kid isn't THIS team's mascot... A guy running for CT governor has a TV ad that won't help... Would local TV news improve if we didn't have to watch some ditz reading it? How to really screw up your next job interview... Chelsea's big day... Lohan goes free.

Plus music by...

Gangstagrass...

Imagine mixing Hip Hop with Blue Grass? That's what our musical guest has done - AND it got them nominated for an Emmy! Meet Brooklyn NY's Rench and his rappin' country sound, Gangstagrass. Also check out the nex FX hit, "Justified." The show stars award winning actor Timothy Olyphant and features the song “Long Hard Times to Come”, written exclusively for the show by Gangstagrass! Give a listen "Put Your Hands Up High" on this show.

If you enjoy this week's show, email and tell us. We love fan mail!

Click here for Rhapsody

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

This week... Revenge of the tipped cows ... BP's CEO gets his life back (and a map of Siberia) ... Be glad your kid isn't THIS team's mascot... A guy running for CT governor has a TV ad that won't help... Would local TV news improve if we didn't have to watch some ditz reading it? How to really screw up [...]

Clean cows are happy cows ...

And power wash + lather + disco = more milk, we guess. A Swedish company is cleaning up. Claim they've sold 30,000 machines to scrub bossy. How'd you like to have the air freshener concession? (editors advisory: be sure to have a clean change of underwear before listening to this story)

Other news we didn't make up this week...

Love life not working out? Blame Hollywood. 

We found another idiot driving around town on a motorized vehicle that's not a car, truck, van, bus or anything legal. 

Don't like property laws in your city? Secede. Then tell the court you're a Native American, and your rundown house is on YOUR reservation. Good luck.

Hello, OnStar? I locked my keys in my getaway car. And another stupid criminal bites the dust.

Alta Mira...

This Albany NY area band took their name from the Edgar Winter Group tune. Progressive rock the way we like it. Enjoy two of their songs, "Slumberjack" and "Sinker, Or." Like most of the artists we feature Alta Mira are working with Ariel Publicity and Cyber PR in to rock their social media world! Give your music the PR edge. Music Success in Nine Weeks!

If you enjoy this week's show, email and tell us . We love fan mail!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Clean cows are happy cows ... And power wash + lather + disco = more milk, we guess. A Swedish company is cleaning up. Claim they've sold 30,000 machines to scrub bossy. How'd you like to have the air freshener concession? (editors advisory: be sure to have a clean change of underwear before listening to this story) [...]

Woodstock wasn't as fun...

East Dublin, Georgia is no place for redneck wannabes to be. While the Mudpit Belly Flop continues to be a fan favorite, our pick to become an Olympic event is the Arm Pit Serenade. A close second would be Redneck Horseshoes, but would just get the ASPCA panties in a bunch. Must admit, we enjoyed doing this story. Hey, we might be rednecks.

We're gonna get rich...

More ammo this week for our stupid criminal tip line. Let's see.. there's the idiot in South Jersey who decided to up the ante with cops by posting bail with-- well, ya gotta listen. Or the bozo in upstate NY who might want to re-think what he told the Border Patrol when asked "what's with the ankle monitor?" Still another genius did stupid, disgusting and illegal stuff, then blamed it on being from another planet. We don't make it up, folks.

What's up with Texas TV? ...

Maybe it's because they don't have GW to talk about anymore. You have to hear what passes for NEWS these days on local television in San Antonio and Houston.

Cheese sticks AND a neat job at the airport!...

The TSA is hiring. Wait until you see their cool new ad. Where? Just pick up the phone and order a large pepperoni and some nice boy willl bring the details. If it takes longer than 30 minutes, do we get a free flight? 

Musical guest...

Aussey singer/songwriter Gilli Moon's new album (her 6th!) The Stillness is pure pop / AC greatness. Every cut is a heaping helping of self-awareness aimed at empowering all of us to go out and drink life to the fullest. Want proof? Our show's bookend tunes "I'm Alive" and "Be"will ignite the fire for your own greatness. Follow Gilli on Twitter!

If you enjoy this week's show, email and tell us . We love fan mail!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Woodstock, but with fewer teeth... East Dublin, Georgia is no place for redneck wannabes to be. While the Mudpit Belly Flop continues to be a fan favorite, our pick to become an Olympic event is the Arm Pit Serenade. A close second would be Redneck Horseshoes, but that would just get the ASPCA panties in a bunch. Must admit, we [...]

You betcha...

Hey momma grizzlies, heard about Sarah's latest gaffe? She had Ronald Reagan matriculating at a college in California. Even said so in front of a big crowd in -- California. Only missed it by about 17-hundred miles. Apparently in Alaska research is what you do when you lose something, can't find it, and then look again.

Beck U ...

Right Wing summer school is now in session. Online. Courses offered in Faith, Hope and Charity (101, 102 and 103). We keep tellin' ya, we don't make up this crap. No need. Glen Beck is getting rich peddling his brand of fertilizer. Oops, there's the bell.

Eeep, eep...

Found us an honest to goodness Darwin Award nominee. You know, do something too stupid to be believed- and then die because of it. This bozo thought he had planned the perfect prison break. His scheme involved the prison's big garbage disposal unit and... well, you gotta hear this!

Be proud you're a rebel...

Man too old to be living with mom & dad takes his ma hostage at gunpoint. Why? Couple hints: has to do with stereotypical gender role mentality, and it happened in Georgia (BTW: he didn't own a stereo, typical or otherwise). No more clues.

Wrong Way Fife...

Stupid criminal flees police by driving into a gathering of -- police. 95 POUNDS of cocaine were involved, and some drug sniffing dogs. Barney would've been so proud to be in on this bust.

Musical guests: The Public Good, an alternative, power pop, indie rock band from Washington DC.

Enjoy this week's YCMIU...

Looking for a job? Wondering what will happen to your current one? Take your search to the next level. Use Resume Rabbit. One click. You're posted on 85 different sites seen by 1.5 million employers and recruiters! Click here for our exclusive YCMIU 10% discount!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

You betcha... Hey momma grizzlies, heard about Sarah's latest gaffe? She had Ronald Reagan matriculating at a college in California. Even said so in front of a big crowd in - California. Only missed it by about 17-hundred miles. Apparently in Alaska research is what you do when you lose something, can't find it, and then look again. [...]

Late for work?... Blame Moshi. The first voice-activated clock alarm radio radio to offer a built in alibi for oversleeping. Just be careful you don't mutter "snooze" too many times in your sleep. Pencils down... The top educator in one big city school district in Massachusetts is still trying to splain his way out of a student testing [...]

Late for work?...

Blame Moshi. The first voice-activated clock alarm radio radio to offer a built in alibi for oversleeping. Just be careful you don't mutter "snooze" too many times in your sleep.

Pencils down...

The top educator in one big city school district in Massachusetts is still trying to splain his way out of a student testing mess. Some 26-hundred 11th & 12th graders were given a test littered with errors. But the worst one was the the page that said "This is the end of the test." (I guess you can just skip the NEXT two pages of questions, huh?).

Give us more politicians like him...

Wait until you hear - in his own words - what one candidate for governor of Maine pledges to do if he's elected. Somebody wrote it. He read it. Nobody checked it. How this TV ad made it into your living room is anyone's guess.

What NOT to say to a judge...

A long resume' of crime is not the kind of experience one should wave in the face of the guy who is about to sentence you. Did this bozo consider that before opening his mouth? Take a guess.

More fun with bad English grammar...

An AP headline last week read: "Sound Transit train hits teenage girl, survives." Oh we found oodles more. Come listen.

Dude, where's our car?...

You saw the movie, now meet the mental giants who inspired it. We found them and so did the cops. It wasn't difficult.

Musical guests this week are the husband and wife duo of Shelley & Cal James. They've been fixtures on the Eugene, OR music scene for many years. The couple has been performing up and down the West Coast since 1993 and with their recent deal with 44-4 Records (distributed by Fontana) Shelley & Cal will be soon be spreading their brand of inspirational music nationwide.

Best musical theater in Greater New Haven? ...

2Kens give two thumbs up to The Whitney Players. One of the better musical theater companies around the Elm City area of Connecticut. One heck of show! (full disclosure: one of us is married to the director).

Enjoy this week's YCMIU...

Looking for a job? Wondering what will happen to your current one? Take your search to the next level. Use Resume Rabbit. One click. You're posted on 85 different sites seen by 1.5 million employers and recruiters! Click here for our exclusive YCMIU 10% discount!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

There's no place like home... It is something we rediscover every time we venture out. This week a bunch of whacky towns - and one entire state - are on our radar. There's one in South Carolina where its illegal to pretty much utter any sound in public... a town for sale in New Zealand (including a [...]

There's no place like home...

We rediscover that every time we venture out. This week a bunch of whacky towns - and one entire state - on our radar. There's one in South Carolina where its illegal to pretty much utter any sound in public... a town for sale in New Zealand (including a pub and its 40 patrons!). Of course, the Ken who is from Chicago has seen all this before.

We also found a guy snoozing in his recliner until... WHACK! The 9-1-1 operators are still laughing.

And yet another stupid criminal who forgot one of the basic rules for using a getaway car.

Hungry? ...

Not to be beaten out by KFC and IHOP in the Heart Attack On A Plate Derby, Friendly's offers a serious contender: the grilled cheese burger melt. If nutritional values matter to you, we've got the vitals. Let the mortality sweepstakes begin!

 

 Jersey doesn't stink...

Dot.com ... you know you wanna look.

Musical guest this week: singer-songwriter, Deirdre Flint. In addition to being the bass player for the Four Bitchin Babes, she's also a standup comic. Two tunes for you, "Super 8" and "Advice."

Looking for a job? Wondering what will happen to your current one? Take your search to the next level. Use Resume Rabbit. One click. You're posted on 85 different sites seen by 1.5 million employers and recruiters! Click here for our exclusive YCMIU 10% discount!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

What's next? ... The Sherwin Williams White House? Just when you thought corporate greed sponsorships could not sink lower comes (drum roll here) ... the 1-800-Ask-Gary Amphitheatre in south Florida. Hey, maybe Kiwi Brands can cash in this college football season. They could rename the (US F&G) Sugar Bowl the Ty D Bol to help raise [...]

What's next? ...

The Sherwin Williams White House? Just when you thought corporate greed sponsorships could not sink lower comes (drum roll here) ... the 1-800-Ask-Gary Amphitheatre in south Florida. Hey, maybe Kiwi Brands can cash in this college football season. They could rename the (US F&G) Sugar Bowl the Ty D Bol to help raise money for all those small vertically challenged oil spill victims down there.

GetBombed.com ...

They make and sell everything you need to take your game of Beer Pong to the ultimate level. You certainly cannot mistake their market.

With team names like "Drinkin' Smokin' Straight WestCoastin'" and "Jewbacca" (Stars Wars with yamulkes) you also know that getting wasted is the biggest reason people play. Until now.

Now there's big prize money, too. The World Beer Pong Tourney is paying $50 thousand in all, $25K first prize! All of a sudden tossing balls into cups of suds is legit.

(Ed: Your 2 Kens had way more fun with this story than should be lawful. Don't ya just love the Internet?)

 

What's German for "brainless?"...

Police still don't know what possessed a man to taunt a biker gang, throw a household pet at them, and then try to escape on a stolen bulldozer. But we're sure that when Quentin Tarantino acquires the rights it will be one hell of a flick. (Before you ask, Jack is too old for the part)

Lap Dances for Ohio...

Honey, I'm going down to the strip club and donate to those poor tornado victims. She won't buy it, and neither will the IRS. But hey, can't blame a guy for trying. PBS could learn something from this charity. Keep Monty Python's Circus flying. A win-win.

Musical guest this week is Long Island's own Roast Beef Curtains. This is what happens when you blend reggae with punk, dub and improv rock.

Looking for a job? Wondering what will happen to your current one? Take your search to the next level. Use Resume Rabbit. One click. You're posted on 85 different sites seen by 1.5 million employers and recruiters! Click here for our exclusive YCMIU 10% discount!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

What does the loser get?... Chicago's two (insert disparaging adjective here) baseball teams are battling again for the Cross Town Cup. While the victors may indeed get the spoils, this year the players are being spared the fans' wrath. The boo birds have a new target. Let the drilling begin! Noisy mufflers are easy... Speeders [...]

What does the loser get?...

Chicago's two (insert disparaging adjective here) baseball teams are battling again for the Cross Town Cup. While the victors may indeed get the spoils, this year the players are being spared the fans' wrath. The boo birds have a new target. Let the drilling begin!

Noisy mufflers are easy...

Speeders are harder to spot without traffic cameras or radar guns. Luckily cops in one mid-America state now have a new secret weapon. It's your word against theirs! (yeah, that should work)

Pray they don't grow up to be your accountant...

NY CIty school kids get a free pass on state math tests. All they have to do is try and coming close is good enough (paging Bob NewHart).

Here kitty, kitty...

You know that disclaimer that goes "no cats were harmed in the testing of this product?" You might start seeing it on designer cologne -- for MEN. Remember the movie Crazy People? Dudley Moore's line about why men buy Jaguars may fit here.

Move over Jared...

If Subway ever decides to sell a two foot long sandwich, we found the perfect pitch man. Won't cost them much either, prison wages being what they are.

CONGRATULATIONS "Million Dollar Quartet!"...

Props to producer Ted Rawlins and everyone else associated with this new and inspiring Broadway musical that scored some hardware at the Tony Awards last night! How about that opening number, ey? (note: yours truly messed up on the cast. it was Carl Perkins, not Roy Orbison. hey, 3 outta 4 ain't bad)

Music on today's show is by Brooklyn's Amy Coleman. Ballsy like Janice, the passion of Mick and inspired by such legends as Billie Holiday, Aretha, The Beatles and Sly and The Family Stone, you are gonna flip for Amy's brand of soulful blues-rock!

Looking for a job? Wondering what will happen to your current one? Take your search to the next level. Use Resume Rabbit. One click. You're posted on 85 different sites seen by 1.5 million employers and recruiters! Click here for our exclusive YCMIU 10% discount!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

What goes up... We have more proof that pot smoking makes you stupid. But that shouldn't prevent you from collecting workman's comp. Go ask the judge. All that glitters... Wife out of town? Surprise her. Hire a maid to clean house. Our advice: avoid the naked one on Craigslist. A guy in Florida is in [...]

What goes up...

We have more proof that pot smoking makes you stupid. But that shouldn't prevent you from collecting workman's comp. Go ask the judge.

All that glitters...

Wife out of town? Surprise her. Hire a maid to clean house. Our advice: avoid the naked one on Craigslist. A guy in Florida is in deep doo doo with the Mrs -- but NOT for the reason you think.

We're listener supported...

Two YCMIU fans named Nick helped your two Kens kick back this week. Nick in BC, Canada offers the perfect punishment for saggy pants law breakers in Lake Horn, TN (you mean you missed that story?)... and Nick C. in Maine tipped us off two teenage girls who practically BEGGED police to bust them for smoking weed and driving-- fast.

Them's the brakes...

No, really. You need them to stop the car you just stole. Nevermind. That tree will do nicely.

Musical guest this week is Crazy Mary, a NYC-based, alternative, progressive rock, underground band in the mold of Jefferson Airplane, The Velvet Underground, early Rolling Stones, or maybe a young Jim Morrison. Crank it up for some psychodelic 60s sounds we've missed. We open with "Gravity" and close with "Orgasmic Annie."

Looking for a job? Wondering what will happen to your current one? Take your search to the next level. Use Resume Rabbit. One click. You're posted on 85 different sites seen by 1.5 million employers and recruiters! Click here for our exclusive YCMIU 10% discount!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Stop and smell the...

Garden State residents wonder no more. We located that odor in New Jersey. (Hey, P- blame the other Ken for this)

We were available...

But instead, Wheaton College chose Ann Curry to deliver its Commencement address. Too bad she couldn't find NBC's research library before giving grads a history lesson.

Sponge, scalpel, oops...

Worst doctor in the world? She's over in Norway. Uh, well, Sweden now.

What happened to those friendly skies?...

Think twice about falling asleep on THIS airlines. You may not like their wake-up service.

Can we play, can we, huh?...

Want to be part of your local TV news team? No experience necessary. (in a related story, journalism is now extinct)

This week's musical guest hails from Greece and goes by one name: KALLIOPI. She reminds us of Joan Jett and the Wilson sisters (Heart). Enjoy the tunes and a few laughs this Memorial Day. Please remember to give thanks for what today is all about. Cheers!

Looking for a job? Wondering what will happen to your current one? Take your search to the next level. Use Resume Rabbit. One click. You're posted on 85 different sites seen by 1.5 million employers and recruiters! Go to podcast.resumerabbit.com/ken for a 10% discount!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Stop and smell the... Garden State residents, wonder no more. We located that odor in New Jersey. (Hey, P- blame the other Ken for this) We were available... But instead, Wheaton College chose Ann Curry to deliver its Commencement address. Too bad she couldn't find NBC's research library before giving grads a history lesson. Sponge, scalpel, oops... Worst [...]

Oh, Winnie...

Is that Wonder Years child star, Winnie Cooper doin the cheesecake spread in a men's mag? Yep. Actress-turned-mathematician Danica McKellar is taking it off to let girls know that smart is sexxy. Won't get any argument from either of us Kens. But that yarn she's peddling about her dating life ain't flying. Well, maybe with hubby.

Can't cat burglars see in the dark?...

We found one who needed light during a home heist. Trouble is, the people who live there didn't.

Even Teddy Bears need time off...

This just might be the greatest vacation scam ever invented. We only wish we'd thought of it first.

Maybe prison has paint-by-numbers license plates...

So these two vandals are splashing colorful latex on parked cars. And on themselves. And on the streets leading to their hideout. Bet you can't guess how the cops nailed them.

No use calling a plumber in Horn Lake, TN...

These guys are an endangered species, what with city lawmakers getting set to - wait for it - crack down on saggy pants.

And the award for the swiftest police force in America goes to...

Cops in Corpus Christi, TX can smell illegal weed no matter where it's growing. Their difficulty comes in identifying it.

Score one for Glee...

Musical guest this week is FeelGood, a five man band from Hollywood who blend funk, jazz, soul, rock and pop. Two of the guys, Stefan and Zach, can be seen on the current season of the Hit FOX TV show Glee, where Stefan is slated for a recurring roll! Enjoy "Goin Nowhere" and "People On the Ground."

Looking for a job? Wondering what will happen to your current one? Take your search to the next level. Use Resume Rabbit. One click. You're posted on 85 different sites seen by 1.5 million employers and recruiters! Go to podcast.resumerabbit.com/ken for a 10% discount!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Oh, Winnie... Is that Wonder Years child star, Winnie Cooper doin the cheesecake spread in a men's mag? Yep. Actress-turned-mathematician Danica McKellar is taking it off to let girls know that smart is sexy. Won't get any argument from us. But that yarn she's peddling about her dating life ain't flying. Well, maybe with hubby. Can't cat [...]

Feeling defamed? To make it easy for the lawyers we list those we came down on this week. If you see your name or institution, be proud. We have impossible stupidity standards.

Take a number, bozos...

• Falmouth (ME) Town Council
• Esteban, a (former) fire-safety door installer in Stuyvesant Town NY. Honorable mention to Pete's-A-Place, a pizza joint Esteban inadvertently torched
• Kathy Lee, Hoda and the NBC Today show producers for daring to go bare -- in HD
• The convenience store clerk in Clarksville TN who probably thought stolen beer turns blue.
• Dudes On Hockey podcast
• Matthew Creel for sharing his secret to stashing your stash. It's even legal, sort of.

Get Over It...

That's one of two tunes we feature by Stars Go Dim, an award winning pop-rock band out of Tulsa, OK. Enjoy the show!

Looking for a job, or wondering what will happen to your current one? Take your search to the next level. Use Resume Rabbit to get posted on 85 different sites for exposure to 1.5 million employers and recruiters! Go to podcast.resumerabbit.com/ken for a 10% discount!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Feeling defamed? To make it easy for the lawyers here is a list those we came down on this week. If you see your name or institution, be proud. We have impossible stupidity standards. Take a number, bozos... Falmouth (ME) Town Council Esteban, a (former) fire-safety door installer in Stuyvesant Town NY. Honorable mention to Pete's-A-Place, a [...]

Fair game... Italy's answer to its epidemic divorce rate? Beauty tips and gift registry. Anti-stalking help optional. Hope they ain't sports fans... MENSA actually chose Detroit for this summer's convention. Proving high IQ and refined tastes do not necessarily exist in the same brain. What else is there?... Hooters girls, teenage boys and a youth football team. A [...]

Fair game...

Italy's answer to epidemic divorce rate? Beauty tips and gift registry. Anti-stalking help optional.

Hope they ain't sports fans...

MENSA actually chose Detroit for this summer's convention. Proving high IQ and refined tastes do not necessarily exist in the same brain.

What else is there?...

Hooters girls, teenage boys and a youth football team. A women's rights group in Australia is concerned the kids won't have their heads in the game. Busty cheerleaders, or burgers and fries? Go ask your dad.

Other stories we're working for 11...

• no good deed goes unpunished, especially for those living with abject stupidity..
• pulled over or suspected DUI, this Floridian did what any drunk behind the wheel might do (that's called hard evidence, son)..
• still more fun with English since they fired all the proof readers

Disco refuses to die...

We must try harder. Musical guest this week is Motion Potion (a.k.a. Robbie Kowal), an honest-to-goodness traveling Disco DJ and full-time music promoter in San Franciso. Bring your own mirror ball and enjoy the show!

Looking for a job, or wondering what will happen to your current one? Take your search to the next level. Use Resume Rabbit to get posted on 85 different sites for exposure to 1.5 million employers and recruiters! Go to podcast.resumerabbit.com/ken for a 10% discount!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Happy Cinco de Mayo! ...

A little fun at Arizona's expense to kick off Club Indie. Keep your head down and pray your frozen Margarita arrives ahead of the border patrol. (Oh, c'mon. you know better than to look for PC in this joint!)

Urgency...

It is the title of her new album and for Maree McRae the music contained therein is deeply personal. Begun as an Americana / Country studio project, something delightfully odd happened on its way to radio stations across the land. One of the tracks, "Breeze" became the #1 most added single in the country making it’s mark nationally at #7, alongside TAYLOR SWIFT, on Adult Contemporary Radio.

But, as you will hear, the real story is how "Urgency" came to be. Maree wrote the title track in her car after exiting a Denver hospital where her 18-year old son had just been diagnosed with a serious immune system disorder. Something he had suffered with since birth.

Maree has been compared to Jewel, Mary Chapin Carpentar and Michelle Branch, a distinction she richly deserves. We think you will agree.

Crank up your headphones and enjoy our special interview with this incredibly gifted singer-songwriter. Then get out and support her the next time Maree plays out in Rocky Mountan high country. A schedule of upcoming gigs can be found on her website.

Download the mp3 of today's show with Maree McRae or click the arrow below and listen now!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Try Audible Now and Get A Free Audiobook Download with a 14 Day Trial. Choose from over 75,000 Titles. Offer ONLY AVAILABLE from YCMIU. (you won't see it on the Audible web site)

Obesity rules... On the heels of yet another ridiculous obesity survey (with blatantly obvious findings; aren't these researchers the clever devils) we dedicate this week's show to those of you smart enough to see through this crap and keep eating as much fat and cholesterol as a body can ingest in one sitting. Behold: The Krispy Kreme KFC [...]

Obesity rules...

On the heels of yet another ridiculous survey on obesity - finding the blatantly obvious (my, aren't these researchers the clever devils) - we dedicate this week's show to those of you smart enough to see through this crap and keep eating as much fat and cholesterol as a body can ingest in one sitting. Behold: The Krispy Kreme KFC Doubledown Sandwich. Life is short. Time's a wasting. Eat dessert with dinner. Not to be outdone, our heart attack on a plate friends over at IHOP present... taaa-dah: Pancake Stackers! Back up the ambulance, ma, we got ourselves a quadruple bypass special to get to! Hurry, supplies are limited.

If chivalry is dead...

We think we found the two women who killed it. Men, you'll think twice now before holding the door a lady.

Did you miss National Hairball Day? ...

Wish we had. But hey, when the absurdity gods hand you lemons --

Next time build a castle...

Yet another bozo with a pickup truck, a beach full of sand, and a curious need to take some home. Luckily the cops got to him ahead of high tide (though it would have been fun to see the latter).

There's a business opportunity here somewhere...

How NOT to navigate a boat, British style. When all you have is a road map, well --

Musical guest...

Like Steven Tyler, Bob Dylan and Tom Petty, Shawn Fisher has one of those distinctive voices that stays with you years after you saw him in concert. His tunes are pure energy with star power written all over them. We defy you not to think Aerosmith when you hear "Out of Control." Enjoy the show!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Do you commute? Try Audible Now and Get A Free Audiobook Download with a 14 Day Trial. Choose from over 75,000 Titles. This offer is ONLY AVAILABLE from YCMIU.

We hate to keep pickin on em but...

Dead guy elected mayor. Door-to-door meat salesman busted for pot. You're thinkin, deep Soooouth? Well, DUUH!

If The Eagles and Jack Johnson had a baby...

His music and lyrics would sound a lot like Mark Radcliffe. He grew up in Maine and Vermont, taught high school English for years (yes, waited tables & tended bar) and wrote ad copy. Along the way he's played and sung his tunes from NYC to Atlanta to LA, and in countless other cities and towns in between. Today, his first, full-studio CD, "The Sea Before Us" is getting lots of spins and drawing glowing reviews from coast to coast.

2Kens Comedy Club Indie caught up with Mark for a fascinating 15 minutes in which we learned he...

• is obsessed with brunettes
• can go 5 minutes on how not to be a schmuck at the movies
• has had enough failed jobs and star-crossed relationships to fill his next album
• no longer believes 30 (or any age) is the point when you figure out life

Songs played include, "In The Sun", "Blow It All Away", "Tumbleweed" and our personal top-down, driving around tune "Miss Hard To Forget." (for that special brunette in your life, guys!)

Download the mp3 of today's show with Mark Radcliffe or click the arrow below and listen now!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Try Audible Now and Get A Free Audiobook Download with a 14 Day Trial. Choose from over 75,000 Titles. Offer ONLY AVAILABLE from YCMIU. (you won't see it on the Audible web site)

Step right up and pick an alibi... Talk about material writing itself. Stupid criminals abound and getting caught is half the fun. So you call yourself a consultant... We found the BEST definition ever! Hello? Front desk? My room doesn't have lights... Pedal faster. Odd that a U.S. hotel chain didn't think of this first. Breaking news... [...]

Step right up and pick an alibi...

Talk about material writing itself. Stupid criminals abound and getting caught is half the fun.

So you call yourself a consultant...

We found the BEST definition ever!

Hello? Front desk? My room doesn't have lights...

Pedal faster. Odd that a U.S. hotel chain didn't think of this first.

Breaking news...

TV stations in your town do this? Our local ABC affiliate kept interrupting the good stuff with an "urgent" story. Turns out nobody's life was in danger. Good reason for that. News 8 = Fail.

Also this week... a Darwin Award nominee, and more fun with English since they canned all the proof readers.

Musical guest...

Melina Gerges. Trained in classical Italian opera, writing and singing American pop from Houston, TX. A haunting voice you will not forget. We feature two tunes off Melina's "Salem" album, the title track, and "Wasted Time." Enjoy the show!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Do you commute? Try Audible Now and Get A Free Audiobook Download with a 14 Day Trial. Choose from over 75,000 Titles. This offer is ONLY AVAILABLE from YCMIU. (you won't see it on the Audible web site)

Breakup Bradley... He is fast becoming the most hated guy on the net. Or most loved. Depends on if you hired him. Want out of your relationship but can't stand the messy part? Brad's your man. (Chubby Checker said it best. C'mon people, work with us. Famous song lyrics? Anyone? Sheesh! 2Kens are getting old.) By the [...]

Breakup Bradley...

He is fast becoming the most hated guy on the net. Or most loved. Depends on whether you hired him. Want out of your relationship but can't stand the messy part? Brad's your man. (Chubby Checker said it best. C'mon people, work with us. Famous song lyrics? Anyone? Sheesh, 2Kens are getting old!) By the way, no truth to the rumor that Lily Sparks now writes our material.

So that's what they do in Empire, Michigan...

Asparagus Fest 2010. Don't miss it. Yum! And you thought you'd have to wait until next St. Patty's Day to pee green.

Oh, and while your touring middle America, make sure Dad visits the annual Duct Tape Festival. Looks like your summer is loaded with fun things to do!

Wanted: Rude interviewer...

No experience necessary. Years spent trying to pick up women in bars is all training you need to write for this online site. We can almost guarantee they don't offer health insurance (Be sure to let someone know if you take the job. It's like don't go swimming alone).

One less lawyer ain't so bad...

So this guy rips off an office supply store (Staples, there we said it. There goes another potential sponsor), but instead of fleeing, he brags about the caper to everyone in sight. Why? C'mon, you must know how the criminal mind works by now!

Other stuff we found amusing (considering the audience)... 

• a prisoner protest in Sweden but something doesn't smell right about this story.
• advice for drunk drivers. Improve your aim or pick better targets
• and a helpful reminder as Tax Man Cometh Day approaches

Musical guests, David Perry & Purple Tree, a rock, psychedelic, retro rock band from Chicago with a sound that is part Pink Floyd and part John Lennon.

Enjoy the show!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Do you commute? Try Audible Now and Get A Free Audiobook Download with a 14 Day Trial. Choose from over 75,000 Titles. This offer is ONLY AVAILABLE from YCMIU. (you won't see it on the Audible web site)

Torch this... It's arson week here at YCMIU. Knowingly or otherwise these idiots recently set fire to their lives so we thought, hey, works for us. Lock her up... Finish this sentence: Absense makes the heart _____. If you said, ignite something at the police station you're half right. Wait until you hear WHY she did [...]

Torch this...

It's arson week here at YCMIU. Knowingly or otherwise these idiots recently set fire to their lives so we thought, hey, works for us.

Lock her up...

Finish this sentence: Absense makes the heart _____. If you said, ignite something at the police station you're half right. Wait until you hear WHY she did it!

No cows were hurt, we swear...

Watch out for the exploding cheese truck. If only it had happened in Wisconsin.

Here kitty, kitty...

Big thanks to Nick, a YCMIU fan in Fort St. John, British Columbia for this story. Earth Hour came and went uneventfully for millions this year. But for one high-level government environmentalist in Canada (and his cat) it was a night neither will ever forget. Guy's wife wasn't too thrilled, either.

Non-combustibles this week include...

• Streaker in a town where there really isn't anything better to do
• A disgruntled workers protest that bares (heh-heh) watching
• Man flees police only to learn that most walls serve a purpose

Musical guests Can't Hang, a reggae /ska/ rock band from Baltimore. We play "Wait A Minute" and "Just For You" from their "Ride the Lightrail" album.

VOTE FOR US...

Thank you for helping us break the top 12 of nearly 4,300 comedy shows on Podcast Alley! Now put us in the top 10! Please take 5 seconds and vote for us. THANK YOU!!

Enjoy the show!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Do you commute? Try Audible Now and Get A Free Audiobook Download with a 14 Day Trial. Choose from over 75,000 Titles. This offer is ONLY AVAILABLE from YCMIU. (you won't see it on the Audible web site)

If they handed out awards... For dumbness below and beyond in the commission of a crime, The Stupee goes to ... well, we can't decide. Each of these bozos has distinguished themselves in the fine art of idiocy. Tell you what- how about you listen to the show, then vote for your Stupid Criminal of [...]

If they handed out awards...

For dumbness below and beyond in the commission of a crime, The Stupee goes to ... well, we can't decide. Each of these bozos has distinguished themselves in the fine art of idiocy. Tell you what- how about you listen to the show, and then VOTE for our Stupid Criminal of the Week! The nominees are...

When in doubt, rob a cop...

Don't stop there. Steal from a whole gaggle of 'em.

I don't even own a garage...

Sounds like the devil made other stops besides Georgia. Two Tennessee bozos stopped by Port of Authority NY officers offer up more than their driver's licenses.

How does that work? ...

Cops in two major cities get a gift from one of the dumbest bad guys ever to pull off a bank job. Skip the word alleged. He's guilty. On the upside, our boy now has loads of free time to study computer science.

911. Please state the nature of your emergency...

Help, I'm being held captive in a detention center. You know we don't make it up.

So, who is the dumbest?... Click here to take survey

Also this week... A watering hole where the main attraction is watching drink prices fluxuate ... and a local TV news team goes undercover to expose- oops, wrong address.

Musical guests: Canada's Uncle Seth (think Bare Naked Ladies) and Iceland's JJ Soul Band (for you Steely Dan lovers!) 

Try Audible Now and Get A Free Audiobook Download with a 14 Day Trial. Choose from over 75,000 Titles.

Enjoy the show!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Vas Madness...

Men, it's that time of year again. College hoops and your couch- nonstop. Okay, so it's not painless. But at least the woman in your life doesn't mind! Snip City here we come. Honey, I'm doing it for you.

Try Audible Now and Get A Free Audiobook Download with a 14 Day Trial. Choose from over 60,000 Titles.

Vroom vroom...

How much DO local TV news anchors make, anyway? We found one who apparently can afford to drive a $250,000 sports car. Whether she can afford to keep her felon-boyfriend, and the lawsuit he got them into is another story.

Attention K-Mart shoplifters...

Local laws are funny things. Just when you think you've found the perfect spot to park your Meth labs, bang- here come the retail police to shut you down. Looks like our perp will have lots of time to learn the words to, "Indiana Wants Me."

Stone cold exhibitionist...

What's with all this public nakedness lately? Full frontal nudity on a grand scale will be springing up soon in one major US city. Not that it will do much for you. Still, might be wise to heed Doctor Who's warning. Don't blink.

Moonlight in Vermont...

We doubt the august Dept. of Education in Ben & Jerry Land have time for night school, but it wouldn't be the worst idea in the world for these folks to take a few math classes. Might discover Vermont kids are smarter than they think.

The British are Coming! ...

Kinks. Animals. Blur, Wilco and The Beatles, oh my. Musical guests, the Chicago-based band "Collectors" bring their own invasion to this week's show. You can grab their tunes on the former Podsafe Music Network. Enjoy the show

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Try Audible Now and Get A Free Audiobook Download with a 14 Day Trial. Choose from over 60,000 Titles.

Club Indie luvs to rock...

Who are Lily Sparks? Verb tense issues aside, this is one mother lovin', hard rockin' girls band. Oops, sorry Nick, nobody questions your masculinity (at least not while you're wielding those drum sticks)! They're taking NYC by storm, and taking no classic rock 'n roll prisoners. Spend some time this St. Paddy's day getting to know Niamh (pronounced: Neev in her native Ireland), KG (owns more guitars than most anyone you know) and Nikki (don't let all those tats fool you, she studied music and recording engineering at Berkley).

Their debut EP, Cooper Cobra tells your ears all you need to know. Every note orchestrated and sung as sweetly and powerfully as any muscle car engine on the line at Colchester Dragway (that's in CT, folks). Purrfect!

Lily Sparks on the Web

Tunes heard on this show...

• "The Girls" LS
• "Stars" LS
• "Walk Away" LS
• "Where Are We Today?"
• "St. Patrick Didn't Drink"
• "What Shall We Do With a Catnipped Kitty?"

 Enjoy a few laughs and some great music, on us!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Get a FREE audiobook download and free 14-day trial at audiblepodcast.com/2kens. More than 75,000 titles to choose from.

Press 3 to hear other confessions...

A message service in Paris lets Catholics admit their sins without having to leave home. What could go wrong with this idea?

Bugs has your Kwedit card, Elmer...

Eh, what's up doc? 13 year olds can now buy stuff on a promise. Hey kids, it's Kwedit, and your parents don't even have to know! We'll ask again... what could go wrong?

Honest officer, I only wanted to look pretty for him...

First cellphones, then texting. Now? Wait until you hear about the latest way to get stopped for distracted driving. At least she brought her Ex along to steer.

Also... how to get busted and lose your driver's license just for walking your dog, more mangled attempts to use the English language whilst posing as a journalist, and a would-be bank robber who made one mistake: didn't scout his target.

Musical guests...

Montreal-based The Blue Seeds with "My Fair Weather Friend." Their sound is somewhere between atmospheric-rock and alternative-folk. Also, Georgia funny man, singer/songwriter, Bill Kahler with "Doyle, Loretta and the Alligator Farm."

Enjoy the show!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Club Indie is all about the MUSIC...

And those who make it. If you love the indie tunes we feature on YCMIU, but want to hear more of it, you've come to the right place. Welcome to the debut of 2Kens Comedy Club Indie. Chats with artists and bands we like, sprinkled with lots of their music.

You don't gotta be a kid...

To appreciate today's musical guest. No matter your age, the RHYTHM is gonna grab ya. But especially so if you're a child. Which is what Heather and Norman Jones set out to do in 2003 when they conceived of the Rhythm Child Network. Big people vibes, soul, R & B, reggae... for children. As you will hear, the couple's two boys, Bailey (9) and Andre (4) contribute mightily to the cause, on stage and off.

Rhythm Child’s mission is to encourage children to create soulful music and percussion, while also building their self confidence. “Eat a Bowl of Cherries” the group’s latest release, proves that not all children’s music needs to be hyperactive and saccharin sweet. Style-wise, Rhythm Child sounds more like Otis Redding than Alvin and the Chipmunks, an innovation that will delight children and parents alike. Enjoy the show, folks!

By the way, compliments of Rhythm Child, please download, absolutely free, "Everybody Is The One." Bailey sings lead. (p.s. - you're gonna flip over the horns!)

Next time...

Club Indie's next guest in March is Lily Sparks, NYC's hard rocking trio of ladies whose pounding beat and wailing guitars instantly remind you of Heart, Pink, and Pat Benetar.

Tunes played on this show:

• Bowl of Cherries - RC
• Jammy Put On - RC
• Everybody Is The One - RC
• Shaker Song - RC
• Stars - by Lily Sparks
• The Party - 8 Ball Aitken

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Who you callin cupcake?...

Stop being embarrassed over your sweet addiction. Drag these bad boys back to your man cave and watch the guys devour them. Macho cakes with names like Beer Run and Rum and Coke. We even tell you where to find 'em.

Try Audible Now and Get A Free Audiobook Download with a 14 Day Trial. Choose from over 60,000 Titles.

Ultimate adrenaline rush...

Bungie jumping a gorge not doing it for ya? No kicks from sky diving under 500 feet? May we suggest... get yourself kidnapped! Ya gotta go to Paris to do it, but hey, there are worse places to be bound, gagged and held for ransom.

Sweden calling...

We almost never hear stupid criminal stories out of Scandanavia. This one might catch on with pot heads in here in the states. Or not. Seems a druggie felt his dealer had sold him a bad batch. Who ya gonna call to complain? Why, local law enforcement, of course.

Facebook profiles lie...

Gee, ya think? This dude from Queens, NY got himself busted after his ex-girlfriend blew the whistle on him. He hijacked her account, and told her friends maliciouos things about her. You will NOT believe this story. Nice to know there are still some swell eligible batchelors out there, huh ladies?

Our feature artist this week is Rhythm Child, a soul, R&B, reggae movement on a mission: to encourage children to create soulful music and percussion, while also building their self confidence. If you like their music, you're gonna love the story behind it.

Enjoy the show!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Got your ears on?...

Can you explain the podcast tastes of truckers? We sure can't. Just listen to a piece of a show we found double parked at a rest stop in VA. This must be what happens when guys get bored with CB radio. Got your rubber ducky on the side, c'mon.

Our theme this week is...

Good help is hard to find. Exhibit A: This want ad snagged by the politically correct police. Exhibit B: Proof that you can be too stupid to be fired.

Chicago is my kind of...

Crooked politics may become a thing of the past in Mayor Daley's town. Officials are taking a new tack in trying to fill two vacancies on the City Council. Good luck with this approach, boys!

God hates dancing...

We engage in one of our favorite pasttimes, dissing Wisoncsin (it's too easy). Today, the criminal case of the dance instructor versus a man who probably watched a certain 1984 movie one too many times. 

Last One To Know...

That's one of the tunes we feature by Jeff Krantz, a modern folk/rock, singersongwriter from NYC. Jeff's musical influences include Jack Johnson, Cat Stevens & Dave Matthews. And he's been compared to James Taylor. Fast company, ey? Enjoy the show!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

This show originates at http://www.2kenscomedy.com

It's good to be king queen...

Smack dab in beef cattle country, Argentina's leader offers a rousing endorsement for the other white meat. Her hubby gleefully agrees.

Roses & chocolates are so cliche'...

We found some farmers who gave their women folk something truly memorable this Valentine's Day and the ladies loved it! Need a hint? What do they have on farms that stinks? ewwwwe! You got it.

Starting to see a theme here?...

Men's Health magazine is out with their yearly list dining out sandwiches even Elvis would avoid. We doused three of 'em with our special YCMIU sauce. Now wash it all down with ...

Goat's milk...

Aussies and Kiwis don't agree on much. Fact is, they love to find things to brag about that the other doesn't have. Take sheep, for instance.

Sara Haze...

She's a sun-bleached beach blonde from LA. Pretty ordinary for So. Cal, right? Now listen to her voice. We feature two tracks from her new album "My Personal Sky." Remember, after Sara Haze makes it very big, we told you so.

Enjoy the show!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

This show originates at 2KensComedy.com 

Colateral Damage...

Hearing about the Aussie banker who starred in his own reality TV disaster made us think about that 1991 Meryl Streep, Albert Brooks movie, Defending Your Life. This guy is what Rip Torn would have called a little brain.

Go Bessie GO!...

Toyota ain't the only ones with a stopping problem. There's a cow in the Netherlands with bad gas who set fire to everything in sight, thanks to her helpful vet. We thank our new best bud Barb in Atlanta for sending us this story. She wins a bunch of free tunes! Course, it's all barn dance music.

Also this week...

Just in time for V-Day, candy bars you may not have heard of... a South Carolina law that's hard to enforce (requires terrorists to really be good citizens) ... and two stories that prove the coppers in Scotland wouldn't know crime if it bit 'em under their kilts.

She Swings She Sways...

Our musical guest is an acoustic/folk band whose tunes are steeped in Americana, as you would expect from artists who grew up in Ottumwa, Iowa. She Swings She Sways have played more than 200 gigs while completing five tours of the Midwest.

Enjoy the show!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Robo groundhog...

PETA draws its usual crooked line in the sand..um.. burrow as Punxatawney PA prepares to light up another pre-dawn Feb 2 for Phil. Will this be his final year? Will a Dalek take over shadow patrol? Will this group of anmial rights loons live to fight another goofy battle? Stay tuned.

Excuse me officer, care for a joint? ...

You'll find my stash in the trunk. Yet more evidence that pot makes you stupid.

Midnight in Moscow...

And we ain't seen this many stacked up cars bouncing up and down since the local drive-in movie closed. Gee, if only U.S. billboards had this feature!

It's illegal in the state of Georgia to...

Among other things, swear in the presence of a dead body. Having lived there for seven years I admit I probably broke that law every day. At work. Wait until you hear some of the other peachy things still on their books.

Tell your bumper sticker to shut up...

You've seen the one that goes, "if you think education is expensive try affording the alternative." Well we found more proof -- at a school, no less -- that government does NOT attract the best and brightest.

Enjoy the show!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

Bonus show this week: 31 minutes. 12 for tunes

Dating Math...

There's this numbers freak in the UK - by way of Seattle, USA - who has calculated the precise odds that he will find a mate. Figures his chances are slim and none. Gee, can't imagine why. Everybody needs a hobby.

Blindfold the peacock...

Give him a cigarette. He's toast. NBC programing geniuses are screwed, and if you keep watching so are you. Want proof? We got it.

Montana ain't so bad...

Now that CNN has climbed in biz bed with electro-punk vibes and the media moguls who brought us Old Porno Tapes, don't be surprised if you never see Ted Turner's face again. No heavy voiceover lifting for James Earl, either. The Most Trusted Name in News can just use that heavy breathing track from Star Wars. Gotta love the 24 hour news cycle.

Speaking of handcuffs...

1 Adam 12: See the man who apprehended himself. Be advised the suspect may attempt to taser himself. Again. That this story comes from the deep Souuuuth just makes it oh so much better.

Guest artists: Seattle's hard rockin Dyslexaty, and the smooth piano man, Matthew Ebel.

Enjoy our show!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

Buy $8 Customized Tees at CustomizedGirl.com

Bang bang...

You may not get capped. Lunch and tee shirt for $65? What a gyp. See South Central LA up close and personal. Optimistic? Book a round trip.

Forget the St. Bernard...

Blue collar coach potatoes invent the ultimate rescue tool. A beer opener that barks. Hurry, supplies are limited!

Ding ding ding! ...

No more calls, we have our winner. Our vote for the 2009 Darwin Award goes to... two gas company repair guys who will never again have to work in the dark.

Pickled plumber...

Thanks to Barb in Atlanta (is she on the payroll now?) for sharing this delightful little ditty from Israel. Memo to you ladies: make sure the guy under your sink is really your mate before trying this at home. Or not. Fun is as fun does.

Musical guests The New Fidelity, a mod pop band from Long Beach, CA that reminds us a whole lot of the Kinks. Enjoy!

Life is short - love your job! Find the career you were meant to have.

My Personal Job Coach. Special 20% off ONLY for our fans! Enter coupon code: 2kens

Enjoy our show!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

Buy $8 Customized Tees at CustomizedGirl.com

Maybe they should friend him ...

He's brazen. He's on the lam. He's not very bright. Which doesn't say a whole lot for authorities in the UK who, nearly four months after his escape, still have no clue where in the bloody blazes Craig 'Lazie' Lynch is hiding out. 

Pull! ...

Damn. Missed the barn again. The good news: Wisconsin hunters are hitting fewer buildings. Can you guess the bad news?

Must be true...

We saw it on Fox. Are you kidding me? Amtrak's talking about locking up gun toting passengers in train boxes! Somebody over at Fair&Balanced University probably should investigate. Maybe send a proof reader, too.

You want fries with those unmarked bills? ...

How many times do you have to be told? Never rob a fast food place on an empty stomach.

Much more lunacy too, and we hit the e-mail bag to catch up with our fans!

MUSIC from Aussie singer/songwriter Skii Harvey, as well as the witty and whacky Deirdre Flint, bass player for the Four Bitchin Babes!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

Buy $8 Customized Tees at CustomizedGirl.com

On the 12th Day of Christmas...  

More than a few unsuspecting spouses today unwrapped one of the fastest selling gift ideas ever. Pray this isn't under your tree unless, of course, you're doing the giving. One size fits all. No batteries needed. Satisfaction guaranteed. No more hints. You will just have to listen (maybe if you had done more of that you wouldn't be receiving one of these).

Holiday music from John Lennon, Darrell Smith and Straight No Chaser.

We hope you've enjoyed these special daily Christmas shows. The 2 Kens are taking a couple weeks holiday. Our regular weekly podcast returns Monday, Jan. 11, 2010.

Happy New Year to the world's greatest fans!!!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

Alert Scotland Yard?...

Nah, it was mere child's play for cops in Cardiff, Wales to pinch these bumbling bank robbers who apparently forgot the first rule of theft: make an inconspicuous getaway. Combined, they got nearly 40 years in the pokie. Let's hope they're no better at getting out than they were getting in.

Holiday cheer on this Christmas Eve: My Christmas Wish by Lisa Hugo, and Christmas Time is Near by Paul Kloschinsky. 

See you tomorrow. Don't forget milk & cookies for the fat man. Always tip your waitstaff.

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

On the 10th Day of Christmas...

Kris Kringle gifted us with seven of the dumbest humans ever to attempt a crime. If you needed proof that if breathing required thought, the terminally stupid would be dead - here it is! Warning: do not drink liquid while listening to this show in the presence of others. Spurting nose bubbles isn't polite.

39 again? ...

You Can't Make It Up is one year old today. If you've been with us from the start, check yourself into a psych ward (remember them?). You're done. Congratulations! You're now just like us.

Our musical holiday cheer is from Band Aid II with Do They Know It's Christmas?, Janyce, with her tribute to all those serving America away from home this time of year, Home Sweet Home, and teen sibling band, Whitlock with Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas.

See you tomorrow with our 11th Day of Christmas. If you're male and are nimble on your feet, we need you. Eleven ladies, no waiting.

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

 

Your other left...

It was a scam so incredibly ill-conceived, you wonder how the agency that oversees driver testing for all of England missed it. Two men, one mission: to pass driving exams while posing as other people. Dozens of them. These cheats would then pay the two frauds, but only if they passed the test. Which almost never happened. Authorities eventually caught on. The poor (literally) and horribly bad drivers are behind bars. No doubt plotting their next brilliant scheme.

Musical guests: Geoff Smith (Christmas Time Around The World) and Corey Smith (Christmas Song).

See you tomorrow for our 10th Day of Christmas special. Don't forget to tip your pipers.

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

 

Dear Elin...

You've been a good little girl so Santa's bringing you a divorce. iPhone App developers are cashing in at the Apple store. Like the guy who wrote Santa Message 4U. Inspired by a mom with four little kids, this app didn't go far enough. Imagine all the helpful little things the jolly fat man could coerce your kiddies into doing. We did.

Music on this 8th Day of Christmas includes Christmas in New York by Mark Mangold, and Simple Love by Joshua Stedman. Have a Merry!

See you tomorrow with Day 9. Leave the drummers home. Some of us are trying to sleep.

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

 

Tony Soprano would be so proud...

Take that you dastardly lender! Now you can play the ultimate bailout revenge arcade game this holiday season. Too bad all the fun is being had in UK. Still, it's reassuring to know that these warm feelings we Americans have for the banking industry are universal. Step right up folks! Just 40p buys you 30 seconds of bopping bald banker bliss.

Celtic music this Seventh Day of Christmas is Carol of The Bells from the Inner Splendor album, In The Spirit Of Peace - An Irish Holiday Celebration, featuring the enchanting voices of Ann Malone and Sarah Warwick. We thank Ariel and Cyber PR for sharing this wonderful piece with us!

See you tomorrow for our 8th Day of Christmas special. Get here early. Wouldn't want to miss that maids milking contest.

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

Fans behaving badly...

Taunting at a SQUASH match?! Unruly fans are making it difficult to distinguish a collegiate sporting event from a retail store on Black Friday. Take this month's clash at Animal House U. (aka: Dartmouth) when the Big Green racqueteers took the court against arch Ivy League rival and national squash powerhouse (you rarely see these two words together) Harvard. Some students (aka: tomorrow's leaders) pelted Crimson men and women players with obscenity-laced insults witnesses described as misogynistic, homophobic, and anti-Semitic. Mom and dad must be so proud.

Music of the season compliments of Canadian folk, altenative rock artists Becky and Ryan Anderson and their band F&M with A Scoundrel's Christmas, and the soulful sound of the well-traveled Joshua Stedman with The Gift.

See you tomorrow with our special Swan Swimsuit Issue. And if you're enjoying these daily shows, tell us! 12days@2kenscomedy.com

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

No gelt, no glory...

As you light an 8th candle this Hanukah, give thanks to those brave souls who endured scorn and ridicule to modernize Dreidel, the world's most boring game. Poker your bag? Try your luck where no-limit wagers rule. Or head out to the The Spinagogue. Major League Dreidel leagues are forming now. What's next, Second Life Dreidel?

Musical guest this 5th Day of Christmas is the Kathy Fleischmann Band. Four seasoned singer/songwriter/musicians from NY who mix blues, rock, jazz and folk. But if you're looking for more sweetness & light this season, be advised, "Christmas Train" is not your typical holiday tune.

See you tomorrow. Hope you like goose omelette. With six birds in the yard we've got eggs coming out our...

Hey, if you're enjoying these daily specials, tell us! 12days@2kenscomedy.com

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

That shook when he laughed...

Like a snootful of botox. A sidewalk santa who scares the crap out of kids goes under the knife. And taxpayers picked up the $74K tab for the facelift! (guess they didn't have a public option) All this village needs for Christmas is a group rate to see a shrink.

Food and Nadas...

Spreading musical holiday cheer are The Nadas, a rock, acoustic, alt country band from Des Moines Iowa, and standup comic (and bass player for the Four Bitchin' Babes), Deirdre Flint with her clever tribute to all-things edible. Bon Appétit! See you tomorrow. Your turn to bring the golden rings.

Hey, if you're enjoying these daily specials, tell us! 12days@2kenscomedy.com

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

So 3 hens walk into a bar...

Speaking of things that lay eggs, this moron near the Mason-Dixon  strolls into a supermarket on a shopping spree with someone elses ID, but then reveals her true identity because... well, you gotta hear this! The only real mistake the idiot made was choosing Kroger. Nobody would have noticed at Piggly Wiggly (just ask Larry from Georgia).

Music on this 3rd Day of Christmas special: Christmas Eve at the Trailer Park by greater Atlanta's popular comedy songwriter and all-around amazing musician Bill Kahler, and Old Night by the sensational and vivacious Canadian singing/songwriting duo, Dala.

Four calling birds, not one a telemarketer. Life is good. Meet ya back here tomorrow for the 4th Day of Christmas. Hey, if you're enjoying these daily specials, tell us! 12days@2kenscomedy.com

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

We see your two turtle doves...

And raise you one Blue Frosty. Some promotions genius at CBS actually thought having the kiddies favorite snowman utter lines from How I Met Your Mother and Two and a Half Men would make a wonderful holiday family feature. Needless to say, Frosty the Perv didn't go over too well with parents. Can't blame a last place network nobody watches for trying.

Music on this 2nd Day of Christmas show include Hip Hop Christmas, written and performed by Mark Mangold of The Radiant Band along with Lyza Wilson and Elijah K, and Seasons of Light by two time Emmy Award winner (with 8 nominations) and creator of music for more than 500 TV shows, Michael Whelan.

See y'all tomorrow. Knock 3 times and ask for French hens.

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

12 Days of Christmas - Day 1...

Stop shopping! Parents with young daughters? We found three toys destined to set womens' rights back about six decades. Our favorite grooms daddy's little girl for a rewarding janitorial career. And you can't go wrong with the pole dancing dollie. Or maybe one that teaches nursing? Not the taking care of sick people kind, either.

Doesn't make Biker Barbie or Trailer Trash Barbie look so bad now, does it.

Music includes the Fa La-La-La-La Bling Blues by award-winning Canadian singer/songwriter, Janyce, and The Perfect Gift by hard rocking, Megaphone. Thanks to Ariel Hyatt & the her busy elves at Cyber PR for spreading the holiday joy.

C'mon back tomorrow for our 2nd Day of Christmas absurdity. Have a merry!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

Leave Tiger alone...

Tiger Woods didn't invent stupid celebrity tricks. His isn't even the most inventive. If Mrs. Woods ever lets him play again (ahem), he should take a lesson or two from Kim Kardashian, Alec Baldwin, Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen or any number of other stars who've mastered what to say after the beep.

Gimme a B...

First global warming, and now this. Bozone is what happens when you let the public invent words. We must admit though, Washington Post readers nailed our audience with this one.

Give her enough rope...

Women's rights advocates in the UK have their knickers in a knot after a garden center mailed flyers to nearly a million homes urging men to make their wives "feel special this Christmas" by buying them a clothesline. Who says romance is dead?

And the winner is...

Ask any man. Sex is like pizza. There is no such thing as a bad one. Tell it to Jonathan Littell whose novel "The Kindly Ones" earned him both the Literary Review's Best Fiction distinction, along with the anything-but-coveted Bad Sex award. We dare you to get this image out of your head!

Film at 11...

KCRA-TV and Sacramento police were still searching for a man more than a week after he tried to swipe a camera from one of the station's news vans. Why he hasn't been arrested is anybody's guess. It's not like he didn't leave clues.

Next time try the liquor store...

Wisconsin once again makes our stupid criminal tricks segment. Here's what can happen when you plan a bank stickup, but fail to leave time for traffic. Nobody is this stupid, are they?

8 Ball Aitken...

Our first journey into Aussie Swamp Music is a honkin', stompin' good time! 8 Ball Aitken is a real-deal Outback character who rattles the roof with his original blues, roots and country guitar pickin'. Strap yourself in for The Party and Yellow Moon. We thank Cyber PR for turning us on to this sizzling hot sound!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

Moooo...

Ten cows, one dream: to be the next California Happy Cow! And this web site wants you to decide which talking bossy gets to go. Can TV ads get any goofier?

Ooh, that smell...

When residents in section of the Land Down Under ripe for brush fires complained of a natural gas odor, fire crews in Victoria, Australia lept into action. But how do you put out a very big and very flatulent pig?

100 Proof bird...

An Irish pub in Midtown Manhattan toasted Thanksgiving by serving toasted Turkey. The recipe is easy. Soak old Tom in high-octane Russian vodka, give your customers straws (for the vodka shot reservoir the boozed bird is served with), and top off the meal with a free cab ride home. Admit it. Family holidays are best spent getting blitzed.

Driving while stupid...

If you've been following along you know there's no shortage of dumbness behind the wheel. Like the guy near Pittsburgh who didn't realize (until firefighters flagged him down) that his van was ablaze. Or the two men in the Czech Republic who got lost, and actually DID stop to ask directions. Trouble is they asked police. Oh, and they were wanted.

More coffee?...

Brazil is second only to the US in coffee consumption. Or maybe not. Maybe that's corn, soy and wood they're drinking. In Rio, who can tell?

But she can type...

Her boss was late getting to his flight so she did what any quick-thinking secretary would do. We don't recommend it. Airport security has zero sense of humor.

Feature artist...

The Philadelphia Inquirer calls 'Slo-Mo' Philly's "best and only, funky hip-hop steel-guitar band." Mike Slo-Mo Brenner & Mic Wrecka got it goin' on with their hot CD, Gimme What You Got. Enjoy!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

Potty training...

Dr. Stool, aka Anish Sheth says there is much you can learn about yourself in the bathroom. A gastroenterologist by trade Stool Man has written two books dealing with what our pee, poo and gas tell us about our health. Don't know about you but we prefer our bodily functions not speak. (extra credit if you know how many times a day you're supposed to break wind)

I want my CUPCAKES! ...

While most of us fret over unemployment, health care costs and those wacky Taliban, folks in and around Berkeley CA worry about where their next cupcake fix will come from. A city ban prevents a popular mobile bakery from dispensing these sweet delights from parking meters. Worry not, sugar junkies, sign this petition (it's real) and take back your cakes!

Over the river and thru Concourse A...

To grandmother's house we go this Thanksgiving. Be careful what you pack. Those always-helpful TSA airport inspectors have new marching orders. (hint: leave the leftovers with granny)

Honk if you see Eric...

As every woman knows, men will not stop to ask directions. Aussie octogenarian Eric Steward went waaay out of his way to prove the point. Poor old guy would still be driving if he hadn't run out of land. (No truth to rumors, by the way, that FBI agents in San Diego believe Eric could be the Geezer Bandit.)

Support your local sheriff...

Heard the one about the pot farmers who loaded up their hemp and moved to.. well.. too damned close to the law? That's why -- say it with us -- they call it dope.

Feature artists...

F&M is a Canadian folk/alternative/pop band started seven years ago by Ryan & Becky Anderson. The one-sheet says their music is "gently sardonic, dark and hopelessly clever." We think you will find their Every Light Must Fade CD to be much more. We're giving one away in the first 5 minutes!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

Celebrate with us...

Our golden anniversary show features an exclusive interview with Rex Fowler who, alongside Neal Schulman these past 37 years, have been the folk rock duo Aztec Two-Step. We spotlight several tunes from their Days of Horses CD, music - The Boston Globe opined - reflecting American pop culture and these legendary artists ride through it.

Putt-putt, Japanese style... 

Small country, limited land for sprawling golf courses or practice space to work on your game. Enter, the world's first combination bra and putting green. This one talks back when you sink your shot. (we heard that!)

Arrrrnold likes VIDLY...

The governator uses video sharing service VIDLY. Shouldn't you? It lets you point your Twitter tweeps to Vidly. Um, we know fiscal times are tough in California, but how much can Schwarzenegger be getting paid to hype redundant technology (hello? YouTube!) 

Must have been traffic court ...

So this perp goes to court, swears to tell the truth, and raises his right ... well... not his whole hand.

You liked Garden & Gun...

Now enjoy three more magazines we've unearthed that really exist. Why, we haven't a clue. You can guess what Imbibe and a similar publication, Draft magazines are for, but we defy you to identify the market for Garden Railways. If you can they probably will hire you.

Quiet! The mailman will hear you.

A British couple aren't taking a summons for violating a noise ordinance, lying down. Well, they are, but that's the point. No worries, she has an excuse. A note from her sex therapist. Oh, good.

Do over...

If you're on the lamb but don't like the mug shot the cops are circulating, here's an idea. We will NEVER run out of material.

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

This is CN - um - Fox...

James Earl Jones may want to record a disclaimer after the most recent screw up at CNN. Gotta love cable news wars. We'll never run out of fresh material.

Miracle of birth, profanity and all...

Streamed live over the Internet for all the world to see. A Minnesota school teacher plans to chat with viewers during delivery. Don't end the humiliation there. Name the kid, Google.

In case of emergency...

Unhook bra... pull cups apart... place over your face - and the man of your choice. Bra-mask was invented by a Chicago researcher who clearly has way too much free time. Darn. Wish we knew about this before Halloween.

You should see him in a car wash...

Heard about the perp who attemped a drive-by shooting, but forgot to roll down the window? You guessed it. Wisconsin. 

Three's company...

A Tax-a-chusetts town has come up with a clever little scheme to pad their coffers by picking on cat lovers. More than three and you pay a fee.

Last brain to Clarksville...

Memo to the town fathers of this Indiana burg: next time you decide to shell out $1 million on a new fangled fire truck, first have somebody measure the fire house.

Loomis & The Lust...

Our feature artist has taken Santa Barbara CA by storm by taking funk rock back to the 70s. Get down with two of their tunes, Break on Love and Sweetness.

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

Banished to the cornfield...

Facebook spells out their policy for dead users. Turns out you need proof to bury your departed loved one's profile. Probably in FarmVille. It doesn't get much goofier than this.

What's German for "this is ART?"...

"Long Live the Graveyard!" That's the slogan for an ad campaign by cemetery gardeners in Deutschland. They hope to change your thinking about death. After they plant shrubs around you does it matter what visitors think?

DUI for Dummies...

Think it's easy being a patrol cop? One minute a drunk clown is bearing down on you, the next a tipsy, sopping wet cow is blaming a GPS malfunction for making your day.

Bloated burgers for bloated software...

Seems like a fair swap. Microsoft and BK Japan team up to bring you -- well, it ain't health care reform. The O in OS must stand for obesity.

Somebody alert Ted Turner... 

Bookies will love him. NFL officials may castrate him. Chad Ochocinco's vast posse on Twitter could be in for a treat. The Cincinnati Bengals receiver who changed his legal last name from Johnson to his uniform number (you get the picture) plans to start his own NFL news service on Twitter called OCNN (smell a lawsuit?) to compete with mainstream media. Oh goodie, we need more of that!

TV never looked better...

Some day all programming will be delivered this way. Until then, these two geniuses probably should give up crime.

Ten Year Vamp...

Our feature artist is a female fronted power pop band from Albany, NY. Debbie Gabrione and Ten Year Vamp have won numerous regional and national awards, sold thousands of CDs, hit the Billboard charts, played 100-200 shows a year the past six years and shared the bill with bands like Nickelback, 3 Doors Down, Lifehouse and the Spin Doctors -- all without benefit of a major label. They've been dubbed the next No Doubt. Give a listen to 'Never Know' and judge for yourself.

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

For Sale: Low mileage, loaded...

Just like the owner. Cops say LeRoy Anderson was blotto when he crashed his souped-up La-Z-Boy into a parked car. Now you can own this little beauty (the chair, not LeRoy). No word whether the stereo still works.

Well, he does wear stripes...

When your hosts are not trying to be funny (emphasis on trying) one of us is a basketball ref (true) being hunted (sorta) by Freddie the neighborhood bail bondsman. You know you're curious.

Ignorance isn't just bliss...

it's apparently epidemic. We offer 68 seconds of proof from some of the dumbest folks ever to have a news microphone thrust in their faces. Thanks to our friends at funnieststuff.net!

Dying for dollars... 

A local station in Saginaw MI is betting that paid obits will be a big rainmaker for them. The grieving family can get poor, dead Uncle Bob on the evening news - and splattered (sorry) across ObitMichigan.com for only $100. Just in time for Halloween.

No rush your honor...

Two more stupid criminals for your enjoyment. What one of them pulled is right out of a Woody Allen movie. The other dunder head told the sentencing judge to hurry up and rule on his case.

We like Zune...

Really we do. We answer email from a listener who sounds way too informed about Microsoft's new and improved mp3 & video player to be only a consumer. Betcha he won't do that again.

You don't need a Harvard degree...

to make stupid investments. But it seems to help.

Feature artist...

Assembly of Dust is the musical genius of singer-songwriter Reid Genauer. If you get off on The Band, Neil Young, Traffic and Clapton you will be bonkers over Genauer's alt-country-rock. We open with All That I Am Now featuring the great Richie Havens, and close with Arc of the Sun featuring Phish guitarist Mike Gordon.

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

One extraordinary kitty...

Beeper was our best friend for nearly 17-years. She filled our home with love and happiness. She adored us, as we adored her. Miss Beeper, we love you! You will forever live in our hearts. We dedicate this week's show to her indominable spirit, gentle soul and undying friendship.

Hey, be careful out there...

For memorable one-liners Hill Street Blues had nothing on the new Wednesday night reality show, Alaska State Troopers on the National Geographic channel. COPS comes to the 49th state. Their mission: to serve and protect - drunks and wayward moose.

He's no Einstein...

Wanna bet? Meet the smartest two-year old in the history of civilization. Too bad the same thing can't be said for a Brit reporter who did the story.

Be our pen pal...

Remember we told you a couple months ago how inmates in several states sued corrections officials for making WriteAPrisoner.com taboo? Well here comes the other shoe. PrisonVoice.com, a prison pen pal service, wants to swap links with US! They think we make excellent promotion partners. We smell a sponsor!

Heard the one about...

A bear walks into a grocery store and... well, ya gotta hear this.

Reason 512 why TV news is dead?...

Greed. Which, come to think of it, covers the first 511. Wish we could get this station here. Should be fun to watch this experiment fail.

Men want fast cars because...

I give up. Let's pay a lot of money to study this. (anyone think it has something to do with women?)

THE RADIANT...

This week's feature band will rock your world with I Don't Need A Reason. Rooted in keyboards their music is akin in some ways to bands like Keane, The Fray, maybe even Coldplay. Christian Yorke, at times, reminds us of Bono. Crank it up!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Help make it unnecessary.

Mars landing...

Proving yet again that old rockers never die (though for these guys cryonics might be nice), KISS is teaming up with M&Ms candies. An ad campaign just begging for Gene Simmons to scream the tagline: Bite Us!

Throw money at it...

We salute three crime victims, two of whom bravely thrwarted the bad guys. The other... not so much.

Fat City here we come! ...

ABC next spring will have a new reality show about America's love affair with obesity. A British celebrity chef is shooting the series right now, and it stars the people of Huntington West Virginia, aka the unhealthiest city in the USA. Let's go down to Hillbilly Hot Dogs and see what Jamie is cooking up.

Still room up there for skis...

Better hope your kids don't wind up riding to the game with this soccer mom.

There had to be another way...

This year's best chance for a Darwin Award might be the guy who showed his buds how to know if your gun is loaded. (sorry, Wisonsin. nobody in your state is this dumb)

Planetary Nights...

That's the great blues-rocker Bob McSweeney's band and we've got two groovy tunes from their new album, Eliptical Motion. We open with Luck Runnin' Out and close with Starting Over. Enjoy!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

Press 1 for nasty girls...

A government agency in Canada is red faced after a toll-free hot line set up to help lobster fisherman got mixed up with a number for phone sex. No wonder there's a catch limit!

Just because you CAN...

We sample 4 podcasts that have us asking WHY? We have no clue what these shows are about - and neither do the hosts! (no link- ya gotta listen)

Make Blockbuster happy...

Always helpful, we found two holiday gifts you can give to those very special people in your life. The ones you don't like. Then capture those memories on DVD but remember to rewind.

WTF?...

Leave it to Wisconsin to mess up tourism. Not safe there anyway, what with all those 10-year olds running around with hunting rifles. isn't this more fun than picking on the South?

Our feature artist this week is GroundSound, a funk-rock trio from Mahopac, NY. Nicholas and Ray Soto on bass and guitar, along with drummer John Carlucci bring us shades of Hendrix, Red Hot Chili Peppers and The Beatles. Enjoy two of their tunes, 'Get Better' and The Lake Song.

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

A Putz by any other name...

This week we pay tribute to putz's and give equal time to the dumb good guys out there who are no match for the stupid criminals they chase. We go undercover on a bumbling drug raid in Florida, and follow a clueless PA police force as they hunt a bank robber who left plenty of clues- yet inexplicably is still at-large. No more sitting in a field in his-and-her bath tubs for these guys. Meet the Masters of Putz.

What does TSA stand for, really?...

Go ahead, bring the nail clippers aboard. TSA has bigger fish to fry. We have a list of items idiot travelers actually have tried to sneak past airport security. Luckily, authorities are giving those caught a chance to buy back their contraband. Only in America.

Illiterate? Write today for free help...

Used cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first. Yep, it's time for another edition of newspaper ads somebody actually wrote- and nobody edited.

Music this show includes two tunes from Brad Hammonds 'Through It All', the title track to his debut solo CD, and 'Medicine.' Brad is an amazing acoustic guitarist and singer/songwriter from NYC whose music is strongly influenced by Paul Simon and Peter Gabriel. Also, a slice of 'Everyday Life' by AlukarD, LIVE on the JAGERMEISTER TOUR.

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

Man Friends...

Guys, you get the concept, now grab the CD! Male bonding takes to the stage in 'Fantasy Football: the musical?' David Ingber wrote the book, music and lyrics to this bromantic comedy that opens in NYC on Oct 1. All that's missing are the frozen tundra pipes of John Facenda. Oh, and maybe a plot, story line, acting...

Next time try speed dating...

It could have been the perfect crime. If only Stephfon Bennett had a girlfriend waiting for him at home. Ladies, cross this guy off your Gold Diggers Club list.

You lie...

Good thing for Joe Wilson that a wife cannot be forced to testify against you in court. Not that we need any more witnesses to prove you are classless.

Make two and get a free week...

A resort hotel in Aruba is offering Conception Credit. All couples have to do is produce (we heard that!) a note from their doctor that the pregnancy started there. Everyone has a price. But is this worth $200 bucks?

But did she friend him?...

Another case of high-tech meets the low IQ criminal. If only he'd remembered to close that stupid browser!

Blue Number Nine...

Back for a 3rd time on YCMIU this sassy, soulful, funky party band from Jersey City with the sexy, multi-dimensional sound of Stefanie Seskin delivers two of their originals. Gimme More Time and It's All About open and close our show.

If you're in NYC this Friday night, Sep. 25 catch bn9's high-energy music at Wicked Willys on Bleecker St in the Village. Or head on up to Naples, NY on Sunday, Sep. 27 for the annual Naples Grape Fest. Stef and the band play at 1:15.

Stefanie is acting these days, too! She plays Nell, one of five suburban moms who decide to start a band- and inadvertently become overnight sensations. 'MoM - A Rock Concert Musical' will be in Oneonta, NY for three shows, October 1-3 at the Foothills Performing Arts Center.

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

Matchmaking at 40,000 feet...

Who says flying isn't the experience it once was? Depends on what you are looking for. The world's most eligible bachelors could find everlasting love just by thumbing through the in-flight magazine. If that's you, a word of caution; there is one ad that should carry a disclaimer. So we provided it. Hey, it's all part of the service.

Dumb podcast, even dumber product...

Millions and millions of videos to watch online, and we found this one. Can't think of a better way to have fun with friends than to play a game that leaves someone slightly fried. 

You want napkins with that?...

Kudos to a quick-thinking Mickey D's employee (stop laughing!) for foiling an attempted stick up. Although, the would-be bad guy probably was voted class wuss in high school.

Just don't inhale...

Learn why Central Wisconsin State Fair organizers plan to make Cricket Spitting a yearly event. Don't scoff. It is, afterall, the same state that lowered the legal hunting age to 10. If you go there, best not drink the water.

Dogs just know...

Want to preserve your lawn? Move to Oklahoma. One law still on the Sooner state's books requires dogs to have a permit signed by the mayor before they can congregate in groups of three or more on private property. They can't be that smart, can they?

From the same country that spawned free love... 

In Sweden, chuch officials think they've found a key to curbing the spread of swine flu. We figured out right away what's wrong with the scheme, and neither of us is ordained in anything.

Growing Colder by the Year...

Our feature tune is by the J.J. Soul Band from Reykjavik, Iceland. John Soul and the boys are jazz, blues, fusion GREATNESS! If you groove on Joe Cocker, Steely Dan, Tom Waits and Georgy Fame, you won't be able to stop listening to their new CD, 'Bright Lights'. You are in for a real treat. This is some of the best music we've ever played!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

THIS SHOW has moved to our VAULT. Please visit http://2kenscomedy.com.

Not saying it will kill ya...

Do you know what's in a Slim Jim? We have the gruesome truth. Ever had Tactical Bacon? Exactly what it sounds like. Suuuuu E! The ever-popular quadruple bypass special in a certain part of the country is deep fried butter! Unfit for human consumption. Explains why millions eat it.

Fox 31 News starts NOW...

Hot pants, bustier, stiletto heels and a big cigar. TV anchors in Denver sure know how to dress for ratings. Too bad 'R' doesn't score with Nielsen. It gets better, so listen.

Still can't drive though...

Too many people where you live? Do what Wisconsin did. Tell your lawmakers to lower the hunting age -- to 10. Don't worry mom, cheese can't shoot back.

Next time try eBay...

Troy Cosentino should market his own video on how-to-ditch your getaway vehicle. Cops in Hamden, CT were hot on his trail after Troy allegedly tried to knock over a drug store. What did Troy do with the wheels? Oooh, this is good!

My Favorite New Disaster...

That's our feature tune by Megaphone, four hard rockers from Orlando, FL. Out to "save rock n' roll from the machine", is what their publicity sheet says and darned if they aren't succeeding! Be sure to check 'em out on the Podsafe Music Network. We thank Cyber PR for turning us on to these guys and their brash and ballsy hooks!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

Mozart Pee Fest...

A tiny Austrian town pays tribute to the classical piano master, not because he played there, or even slept there. Town historians insist that Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart relieved himself there. Hey, any reason to party, right?

In heaven there ain't no beer...

Nor at the minor league baseball field in Oneonta, NY. Hasn't been any suds sold there in 40+ years. Care to guess why attendance is way down? Predictably the comments from angry Tigers fans are priceless.

There's stupid, and then there's...

The dumbest criminal on the face of the earth (at least, that we've heard about). Meet Billy J. Robinson, would-be car-jacker extraordinaire. Yet another reason to visit Peoria, Illinois.

Lizzy Borden would be proud...

The Best Made Company wants you to know, you're nothing without an axe. Who knew they had so many uses? A great gift for the whole family.

Folks keep telling us to...

Our feature tune this week is Give it Up by Comandante Zero from Brooklyn. Yep, we've played these two wonderfully talented musicians here before and can't get enough!

Do we make you laugh? Now you can say "thanks!" Please consider making a donation to our show. See the DONATE button over there on the right? It will help us keep doing this. We really appreciate your support!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

THIS SHOW has moved to our VAULT. Please visit http://2kenscomedy.com 

Portland's best-kept culinary secret? The Cafe' at Pat's Meat Market! Tell Morey we sent you. (and we ain't gettin' paid to say it!)

Time to say goodbye...

Cashing in life's chips soon? Have something to tell someone you can't say while you're alive (like an old boss)? A new audio service lets you do that. After you're worm food. Only $19.95 a message. We see a few potential nightmares with it, but hey, it's your money!

Shoplifters Guide to the Universe...

Did you hear about the two security guys who got fired by a big box store because they caught the bad guys? Wait until you hear this one!

Need money for booze...

Signs saying 'will work for food' don't seem to work well anymore so some street people are turning to their inner muse to get you to open your wallet. And if creativity fails, well, there's always the truth. 

Also this show... more stupid criminal hijinks, but this time we hear from the judges who sit on these cases... and what happens when you hit *77 on your cellphone in Massachusetts.

Feature tune...

Come Clean by Newfoundland's Chris Kirby. Soul, R & B and the Blues like you've never heard it delivered! Like all the music we play you can check it out on the PodSafe Music Network at Mevio.com

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

Need a sugar fix? Hostess and Amazon.com have you covered with the Twinkies Cookbook... A code inspector in podunk California shuts down a kid's lemonade stand. No vendor permit... Just when you thought TV dating games had reached maximum goofy density comes 'My Antonio.' 13 women beg for a soap hunk to pick them. Thanks, VH1... Fox climbs in bed with Octomom... Here's a crafty way for home burglars to dispose of the goods. Have a yardsale... Next time you rob a bank, you might want to keep your identity a secret... Florida man downloads kiddie porn, then blames his kitty. (thanks to Stephanie L in Chicago for sending this!) You really can't make it up.

Leave the Blues Behind...

That's the title of our feature tune by Boston's Kelly Richey and her band. Like all the music we play you can check it out on the PodSafe Music Network at Mevio.com

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

Bard Banned...

THIS SHOW has moved to our VAULT. Please visit http://2kenscomedy.com. 

In Portland, Maine the city council stripped Shakespeare from a popular local menu, raising the question: do monthly readings of sonnets and soliloquies by a group of actors really contribute to drunken rowdiness on the city's waterfront? We go straight to the source for the answer.

And the lucky cow chip goes to...

What's a county fair without a Cow Chip Raffle? Dig up a pasture and find the one with a big cash prize inside. Hurry folks, only a few chances left!

Can't wait to read the retraction...

Think about it. A woman newspaper reporter whose last name is Hooker is honored by a local group. Is this the headline you would write? (we really can't make up this stuff!)

Try the popovers...

If you're visiting London and looking for a good place to eat, may we recommend the Capital Hotel? You might want to skip dessert, though.

Kindred Souls are a six man Pop/Alternative rock band from Raritan NJ featuring the deliciously compelling voice of Jeff Rafferty. Two tunes struck a chord with us, "Can't Make It Rain" and "Whatchagonnado." The latter is the first track on their just-released EP, Social Ninja. Enjoy!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

Stormy we barely knew you...

Say ta-tah to Stormy Daniels' short-lived US senate bid in Louisiana. The porn star was busted after a domestic row with hubby. Wait! Given how much folks down there love their Bayou hot sauce this might be a plus at the polls. Stay tuned.

Maybe her marriage isn't legal...

Europeans won't get to vote for this adult entertainment star after she insisted her candidacy was an accident and blamed her husband.

How about carrier pidgeon?...

Corrections officials in several states are banning inmates from posting pen pal ads on WriteAPrisoner. The move may backfire. Inmates in Florida and elsewhere are suing, charging their First Amendment rights are being trampled. Prison authorities worry that inmates who post their profiles online are inviting trouble. Like their lives are idylic now.

Too stupid to write...

Next time you're tempted to correspond with someone on the inside, you might want to take note of the names of these two criminals. And then lose them. These two, one on each side of the Atlantic, have set the IQ bar lower than we thought possible. (p.s. this one is from the UK)

Ticked Tweet...

A tenant in Chicago blasted a management company for conditions at her apartment. She used Twitter to tell all 22 of her followers. The company sued and now the world knows. Now there's a brilliant marketing strategy!

Feature tune...

We're giving you a chance to score this music! Contest info in the first 3 minutes. Rock out with "We Both Well Know (Money)" from Spy For Hire. These four guys are from Atlanta & Columbus, GA and we want to thank them for letting us give away their debut CD, Speak in Numbers.

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

THIS SHOW has moved to our VAULT. Please visit http://2kenscomedy.com

Click here to get ordained...

Take photo of house. Draw cross. File with city. Presto! Instant church. Don't believe it? An Illinois state tax man did.

Stop that train!...

Or at least alert passengers to get their cameras ready. Mooning Amtrak has become an annual rite of passage in one Orange County, California  
community. The mayor was pleased that this year's event drew a smaller, more civilized (?) crowd than the rowdy mobs who dropped trow last year.

Damned hair triggers...

A guy and his bride get into a shouting match. She's dead. A single shot did it. Odd how it happened, what with the gun still in a suitcase and all. We thank Vickie K in Bristol, CT for sending us this one.

Your teacher today class will be Joe the Plumber...

We don't have governor Sarah to kick around anymore, but Joe still provides great content for our show! Now he's into US (revisionist) history.

Your mother was wrong...

Clean living is the absolute worst thing you can do to assure a long life. This guy is (was) living proof!

Our feature tune...

Hard to believe that Marc Mills and his Freehold NJ band Shakedown Inc are barely college age. Check out Cease off their Open Your Ears CD and see why we think you'll be hearing big things from these guys!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

Sorry, you're not on The List

Jezebel.com believes all blog commenters are not equal. The site's editor is taking a velvet rope approach to who gets in. A select few- the "beautiful, thoughtful, intelligent, well-argued, fair minded" humorous folks who have proven themselves worthy - are being elevated to star status. Their comments will be shown above all others. And they will decide if commoners get bumped up, or down. Jezebel. Seems aptly named.

Bellies & Baseball

The Brooklyn Cyclones minor league baseball team gave a Salute to Pregnancy at the ballpark this week. Expectant parents were invited to participate in events like Barefoot and Pregnant, Lamaze class in centerfield (pre-game, phew!), Trimester Trike races for dads and 7th Inning Stretch Marks. Grand prize? Give birth DURING the game and win family season tickets for life.

AC standard, bandoleer optional

Buy a new truck from Max Motors, get a free AK-47! Yep, a car dealer in Butler, Missouri is giving away assault rifles. Tax and license extra. Somebody should tell the Show Me state legislature. This can't possibly be legal, can it?

Don't flush

NASA can put a man on the moon, but 40 years later can't fix the space station toilet. There are 13 astronauts up there and one broken loo. Built by the lowest bidder. Is this a great country or what.

We know, the dog ate it.

Two California teens lost their homework. It was in their book bags. Left rather hastily at somebody's house. Not long after they broke in, actually. Yes their names were on the papers. But those kids have nothing on, quite possibly, the dumbest guy in Pennsylvania. He tried to stick up a retired police chief... at a cops convention.

C'est La Vie is our feature tune by Adriana Kaegi, the silky contralto who reinvents Electronica, Dance and Lounge music genres with every tune on her just-released album TAG. Amazon named it their CD of the month! Don't go away when we say goodbye. Adriana pokes fun at the upper crust who call the 'Hamptons' home- our bonus tune for you!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

Now Ms. Jones, about collateral...

Prostitutes in Amsterdam can take credit. They just can't get it. Nor a bank loan or a mortgage. Brothel owners say they are denied access to mainstream financial institutions. Lawmakers may look for incentives to get banks to open up accounts for prostitutes and the businesses they work for. But first, city councilors say they need to see evidence that the sex industry in the famed red light district is vital to Amsterdam's economy. They're kidding right?

Just call him Dead Eye...

An elderly man in a suburb of New Haven, CT needed to trim a tree limb in his yard but couldn't reach it. So he did what anyone would do (just not city folk, we hope). Nobody can say for certain how many shotgun blasts they heard, but police say the branch is still there. You will love what others had to say!

So that's how people stay hitched...

Forget game nights and bowling. Today's fun couples stay together through spirited competition. Who among us hasn't grabbed their s.o. and headed out for a rousing evening of french fry sculpting or cherry pit spitting?

The captain has turned off the no catnip sign...

Pet Airways begins flights from five US cities this week. The world's first pets-only air service promises to transport your pet with love, care, safety and comfort- all served up in the main cabin. You can't join them. Just as well, there are no seats. Wonder how the animals will handle connecting flights?

So Much Left to Say...

Nicholas Howard's music bleeds the smooth urban soul of his native NYC (Queens, to be precise). Like all the artists and tunes we feature, you can check out his God Is In The City CD on Mevio and the Podsafe Music Network. We thank Cyber PR for putting us on to Nicholas.

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

Steak or sizzle?...

Judging by their warning about what may cause the iPhone 3GS to overheat, damage control ain't Apple's sweetspot. You know us, helpful to a fault. We offer some tips on how to flip this potential p.r. nightmare into a list of cool product features.

Stop spamming us! ...

We said follow us on Twitter, not pander for votes. If you're running for governor of Maine, pretending to be a fan of our show is not going to get you elected. Buuut it might get you a better rate if you want to advertise. ;-)

John Grisham wants you ...

Bernie Madoff's defense lawyer makes quite a case for a reduced sentence. Just not a good one. If you missed it, we have the sound bite.

Don't blame Blago...

MLB's all-star game approaches and you the fan get to say -- over and over again -- who plays. The voting process isn't just dumb, it's right out of Chicago's political history. Maybe we can buy a new commish.

That's why they're mob bosses...

Even behind bars these Brazilian crime kingpins know how to play the system.

Say cheese...

Heard the one about the crook who took his own mug shot? While he may be too stupid to be a home burglar, what does it say about the Suffolk, Virginia PD that they haven't found him yet?

Your "Moment of DUH"...

Australian fertility study concludes: having sex daily is recommended for couples who want to conceive. (sounds like we need another study)

Oh Canada!...

Montreal's Trina Elle delivers this week's feature tune, Stutter. Look for bold brush strokes and mega-success on this singer-songwriter's career horizon! Like all the music we play you can check this out on the Podsafe Music Network, now known as Mevio.

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

Mr. Magic Fingers...

He may be known by this name to a certain amante (look it up) on the Argentine pampas, but this tribute is not about Mark Sanford (we'll get to him). Today we say RIP John Houghtaling. You may not have heard the name but everyone knows his work. Motels would not be half the fun without these quarter-a-ride beds. Vibrate On, Mr. Houghtaling!

Don't Cry for Me...

Argentina. Appalachian Trail. Ass. You can see how anyone could make such a geographical blunder. Too bad South Carolina's governor mistook the straight A's for a voters' report card. Mark Sanford says he's not stepping down. Jenny may have other ideas. Kind of a twist on that familiar cry in bars at closing time. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

Potty Pro for Fido...

A couple in affluent Westchester County, NY are saving money by doing without dinner dates, movie nights and other fun stuff. But they draw the line at cutting this unique service from the family budget. (ed: we can offer them a permanent solution for the same money!) 

Somebody define: New Developments...

CNN and other 24/7 cable news outlets continue to peddle phony urgency. And they are refining that ploy covering Michael Jackson's death. We have the sound bites to prove it.

Honest officer, I'm from Saturn...

Perhaps the world's dumbest excuse for driving drunk was offered up in Salt Lake City. Who knew they had college campuses in outer space?

Feature tune...

'When I Fly Away' by Jason Harrod will have you soaring. Thank you to Ariel and Cyber PR for giving us the 4-1-1 on this gifted singer-songwriter from NYC!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

The Pork Is in the Mail...

Billing itself as The Soul of the New South Garden and Gun magazine strives to bring out the sophisticated side of Dixie. Oxymoron? Wait until you hear the table of contents. Articles on roadkill cook-offs and dove hunts, cool! We may even subscribe. Yeah, right.

No brain left behind...

Seattle's school super is a pip. Holding teachers hostage over a supposed lack of money is one thing. Rubbing the lie in their faces is just plain dumb. We will never run out of material.

Next time rob the mafia...

A Florida pot dealer is under arrest after holding up the wrong guy. He forgot the old saying: don't eat where you... well... you know.

Birthday coming up?...

For the woman who has everything: somebody actually invented whiskey scented panties (comes in pickle and pizza fragrance, too) and bug-resistant panty hose. Seems counter-productive to us.

Feature artist...

Dala are two young women from Toronto with an accoustic pop/folk sound as sweet as an early morning summer rain. We spotlight two tunes from Amanda Walther and Sheila Carabine certain to capture your soul. We open with Levi Blues off their just-released Everyone is Someone CD, and close the show with their earlier hit, Anywhere Under the Moon.

Dala Trivia Contest...

Yep, we have one. You have to listen for the question. First person to email us with the correct answer wins a way cool, purple Dala men's tee! Send your answer to dala@2kenscomedy.com

Sorry, but contest winners in the last 60-days are ineligible.

Dala dates:
Friday July 3 Sudbury MA - Fox Run Concert 8 p.m.
Sat. July 4 New Bedford MA - Summerfest (day long event)

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

 

Free jug with new account...

Eee ha! Finally an online bank that understands your bidness. C'mon down to Redneck Bank of Oklahoma "where bankin's funner." Oh, they're real alright, darn tootin! No credit? No problem. Now go get gussied up Clara, we got us a loan to git. (Member FDIC. An equally inopportune lender).

Dear Mr. Jones...

Please excuse Billy from history class today. He is with me. Sincerely, Barak Obama, President. How many times is a teacher going to fall for that old trick? Apparently you can still get away with it in Green Bay.

Text me an alibi, will ya...

Here's a tip. Next time you burgle an apartment, leave the cellphone home. Makes it harder to text what you're up to. Harder to be caught, too.

Papa smurf would be so proud...

There's a new world's record for the number of small blue characters showing up at the same bar. Yes, the record remains in the UK (no, it wasn't Ireland).

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Ayuh.org free classified ads for Mainers!

 

Penguin poop...

Scientists now track these birds' migration by satellite. What we learn is, if it stinks, it ain't extinct.

Knock, knock...

Green police calling. Power companies in the US are installing "smart meters" to help us conserve. In the UK they may go one better. Have a nice day.

A stich in time...

A group of prisoners in Arkansas outfoxed their jailers and escaped. Given what it is the cons inside make, you would think somebody would have seen this coming.

Grand View gone..

Remember that topless coffee shop that caused such a stir in Vassalboro, Maine? It burned to the ground. Authorities say arson. Gee, and only a day after the owner applied for a strip club permit.

Where do they mount the gun rack?...

Tennessee is drawing closer to making it legal to carry a concealed gun in a bar. In Kentucky, a pastor is promoting 'Bring Your Gun to Church Day' to honor the Second Amendment. What's next, separation of south and brains?

Feature tune...

'Hot Rod Hop' by the Hot Rods, an LA group bringing back old time rock 'n roll. Find this and all the music we play on the Podsafe Network.

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

There's 2 hours shot...

Do yourself a favor. If you see Black Hole in the TV listings, keep flipping. This made-for-the-tube sci-fi flick was aptly named. But it does answer the nagging question, "whatever happened to Judd Nelson?"

My other disguise is Albert Einstein...

Invention is the mother of necessity. But robbing a convenience store wearing THIS? C'mon nobody is that stupid, are they?

They get O.T. for this?...

Nice thing about wild wedding parties in Louisiana. When a guest refuses to pull up his pants there's no need to summon the law. Cops down there pull wedding detail. Honeymoon got delayed a tad though, what with the groom in custody.

Anyone seen the dead guy?...

We know some customs are different in South America, but making the deceased take the long way home to his final resting place seems a little odd. 

Perks for the perky...

A hospital in the Czech Republic figured out how to solve their nursing shortage. Apparently all you have to do is mention "free boob job" and the job apps come pouring in! Now what do you suppose they will offer when need more docs?

Yeah, right...

This year's crop of Harvard Business School MBAs is pledging to act responsibly, ethically and refrain from advancing their own ambitions at the expense of others. Is nothing sacred anymore?

Our feature tune...

Belongs to a delightful new young talent from NYC by way of France. Clara Bellino and "Peaceful Solution" will capture your heart. Let's hope her message catches on. Like all the music we play you can hear this one on the Podsafe Music Network.

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Thunderstorms and iPods...

There are safer things joggers can do. Even Apple says be careful. Some facts and tips about static electricity, ear buds and mp3 players. (YCMIU listeners are protected by our patented cone of stupidity)

Get down, he has fruit!...

Heard the about the kid who tried to knock over a store with a banana? Don't worry, he slipped up. His lawyer may appeal. (how many bad puns did you count?)

Lawsuits gone wild...

The annual 'Stella Awards' are out and the winner for dumbest driver trick (maybe ever) goes to... the lady in the Winnebago who thought cruise control meant... well, this is why you listen!

Maybe Jerry Garcia will be there...

Brides and grooms pay close attention to the phrase, 'til death do us part while taking their vows at this hot new wedding venue. No worries about party crashers here. Oh, they do bar mitzvahs, too.

Feature tune...

Laying down that bluesy Americana sound this Memorial Day weekend is Charlie Morris and his band with 'Got Greedy.' Like all the music we play here, you can grab this one over on the Podsafe Music Network. Thanks to Ariel Publicity for tipping us off to Charlie!

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Up in smoke...

Honest officer, I have no idea how that bag of grass wound up under the seat of your cruiser. From college dorms to the halls of the CT state house, we offer proof that weed indeed turns brains to seed.

Let the Kiwi Games begin...

Olympics for penguins? Yep. But you have to go to New Zealand to see the first annual "Penguathlon."

Get in line...

Not sure how they calculate jobless benefits for this class of workers, but it should make for some interesting moments at the unemployment office.

How do we unload all those 85 jerseys?...

Hey Bengals fans, Ocho Cinco is at it again!

Let's hear from Miss Kansas...

Carrie Prejean keeps her crown. So says The Donald. Gee but we're lucky to have two such radiant beauties speaking for America! No wonder Fox News is salivating.

Not the Woman...

This week's feature tune is by SORAIA, the female fronted hard rockers from Philly. Check 'em out on the Podsafe Music Network.

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Play our show now...

Footloose...

Tyler Frost is getting screwed. His fundamentalist Baptist school says he can't graduate with his classmates because he took his girlfriend to her high school prom. What are his teachers doing about it? Let's find out.

Ding dong...

Hey kids, here comes the ice cream truck! That was the vehicle used by the perps of our latest stupid criminal trick. Our boys abandoned their stolen ride. Wait until you hear why.

No card for you, Ma...

He shot her over $2 bucks. Next Mothers Day she can visit her son in jail. Moms forgive most anything.

Writers wanted: good grammar optional...

Some badly mangled sentences found recently online and in newspapers. (did you hear about Oprah and John Edwards?)

Maybe he should join the circus...

Remember that 14 year-old Chicago cop impersonator we told you about a while ago? His back, a year older, bolder and brasher than ever.

Batter Up!...

The Gwinnet (Georgia) Braves have a new promotion. Someone should have told them that termites don't go for aluminum bats. Bring back the cow milking contests. At least you win something you can use.

'Summertime'...

This week's feature tune by Brother Love rocks! Summertime has been playede by more podcasters than any other on the Podsafe Music Network.

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Play our show now...

Email our show.

The day TV died (again)...

'Someone's Gotta Go' is Fox TV's latest effort to numb our morality senses and take America a step closer to the edge of the Howard Beale Memorial Abyss. Imagine the camera crew showing up where you work. Someone must be canned. And YOU and your fellow workers get to decide who. Is that genius television programming, or what? Go to your windows, open them and yell. Hello? Anybody there? (if you're an actor, shoot yourself now.)

I hate Quantas...

When the land Down Under's official airlines kicked that cuddly Koala to the mascot curb it was a diversionary tactic. God forbid the public find out that Quantas pilots and ground mechanics seem more interested in perfecting their stand-up acts than flying. We have the flight "gripe" logs to prove it!

Socks Are Us ...

The real genius behind retail marketing begins with a store's name. The more clever the better. We shoppers are nothing if not suckers for cutesy. Here are some real store names that demand you take notice. And more. Want funny ones? Try these.

For he's a jolly good cockroach ...

We give a shout out to DJ the hard working PD of Roach Radio, the Internet's Talk Superstation. Tune 'em in and crank 'em up!

VK in CT wins CC album ...

Victoria Kennedy of Bristol, CT is this week's YCMIU triva winner. She was first to email us the names of Popeye's four nephews (Pipeye, Pupeye, Peepeye and Poopeye). Vickie wins the Chrissy Coughlin cd, 'Look Ahead.' Chrissy even autographed it! Congratulations VK!

Underwhelmed ...

Brooklyn can't hold these smokin' indie rockers. The world awaits. Get a load of 'Freak' (we play the whole tune at the end of this show!) and tell your local radio station about these guys. Thank you to Ariel Publicity for turning us on to Underwhelmed! Like all the music we play, you'll find them on the Podsafe Music Network.

Follow us on Twitter... http://www.twitter.com/2kens

Play our show now...

Email our show.

Sex sells...

Women's magazines. Their covers promise guaranteed intimacy secrets right there at the checkout counter. Problem is, most of it is bad advice. Two guys who.. well.. are guys give you the straight scoop on why buying into the tripe Cosmo and others peddle is an instant recipe for a failed relationship. (we'll refund what you paid for this podcast if not satisfied)

Buxom and bulletproof...

This woman's bra stopped a speeding bullet. We think the lingerie maker is missing a marketing gold mine, but what do we know?

Say what?

Dear Abby must need therapy by now. Wait until you hear some of goofy sex questions she has had to answer over the years.

How NOT to nab a pedofile...

On the heels of an attempted child abduction in their TV viewing area, the local Fox affiliate in the Twin Cities (MN) devised a doozy of a sting operation. Especially if you like ice cream trucks. Parents and school officials were not amused. No film at 11.

No T-shirt can hold it...

Near impossible to pronounce (but try to stop us) and as hard to locate (a native American name with 45 letters pretty much rules out stopping for directions) this New England lake has confounded tourists and historians for two centuries.

Back to You...

This rockin' summertime sound from Chrissy Coughlin's new album is our YCMIU feature track this week. Keep your ears and eyes on this fast-rising indie singer-songwriter from NYC.

Want to win the album? It is yours if you are the first person to email feedback@2kenscomedy.com with the answer to our TRIVIA question in the show. Be sure to include your name and real-world mailing address.

Play our show now...

Email our show.

Apple-MS battle for your desktop...

CRASH! It happened to one of us Kens this week which explains why this show is late. Blame it on the Big Bang? Nope. Pure corporate market share greed. (kiss those potential sponsorships goodbye). Avert your ears. Or maybe don't. What happened could very easily happen to you. Forewarned is forearmed.

p.s. - the big bang theory might explain Phil Spector.

Potty Parity at the ballpark?

While New York's two MLB teams were christening new ball yards an undercover army (actually one guy in deep need of a hobby) of prying pollsters were taking notes on how many stadium restroom seats are available to men and women. We have the numbers. The New York Times thought it was important.

Now playing shortstop, Clyde Klutz

Down through history baseball has been populated with a significant number of players who had to be awfully strong - or never attended grade school - to make it to the big leagues carrying the goofy sir names they inherited. If you are scoring at home, good luck.

Feature tune

Our grooves come straight from the Podsafe Music Network where you can find Big Bang by the Nashville Session Players.

Play our show now...

Email our show.

Short Tweet from FEMA

Who needs 140 characters? These guys can answer the question "what are you doing?" in seven (hint: starts with n, ends with g). Everybody is getting into Twitter. Follow us at http://www.twitter.com/2kens.

Larry from Georgia...

Is probably second guessing his e-mail to YCMIU. Poor guy dared us to call his cell. We did. The South is still looking for a debate team captain. You want a piece of us?

Open for Business

West Virginia's slogan may not apply to Barbie if one lawmaker in the Mountaineer state has his way. Wait until you hear his argument. Luckily for Mattel, nobody seems to be taking him seriously.

Bite Me

Our sound bite pick-o'-the-week comes from White House press secretary, Robert Gibbs. If you think the press corps would have more important questions than this one you really must pay more attention.

A Honda for Fido

Your pup will be in his 'Element' when you take him for a test drive in this pet-friendly import. Miss Beeper says, "wake me when the kitty model is ready."

Go Cubs!

When he's not co-hosting this show one of us (the other Ken) writes a column for the long-running "Bleacher Banter", a popular fan newsletter published for her fellow Chicago Cubs fans by Stephanie Leathers. Subscribe today because '09 is YOUR year guys!

Tuning up

Vibes heard on this week's show include "It's All About Me" by Brando Quin & RavenPheat. His music is on the PodSafe Music Network. We also feature two guys from Brooklyn known as Comandante Zero. Defy you not to think of Bowie when you hear "The Future."

Play our show now...

Wanted: church proof reader:

With apologies to Rowan Atkinson for swiping his line from the movie 'Four Weddings and a Funeral' somebody really should be editing church and synagogue bulletins before the congregation reads them. As Passover and Easter converge we have fun with some classic religious oh-ohs. If there is a God, He forgives us. If not, well... we're covered.

The Bar Stool 500

This week's nominee for a Darwin Award hails from Newark, Ohio and hasn't met a vehicle yet he can't wreck. When Kile Wygle gets out of jail (assuming he can't beat this rap) he will have two sponsors if he decides to race at Indy. Briggs & Stratton and Jim Beam. Gentlemen, start your bar stools!

Relationship advice 

If you come here for that you really are in trouble. Anyway, guys if you want to save your marriage, here's a tip: simply stop cleaning the house! You even have a built in excuse this week. April 7th is 'No Housework Day'. You better heed our sage advice or you could wind up divorced, like this German couple.

You are what you eat

So what are you if your favorite dish eats tin cans? Meet the goat, fast-becoming a top culinary delight around the globe. He's good with kids, too.

#36 (with a bullet)

Thank you fans for launching YCMIU to our highest ranking ever on Podcast Alley! More than 36-hundred comedy shows listed and there we are, bangin' on the door of the top 35! Now, here's our thank you. GoDaddy is offering our fans exclusive discounts on all kinds of things. Order any web site hosting plan today at a great low price, plus use this link and save another 10% at checkout!

Moses & Morty 

George Hrab is one funny dude. Our feature this week from the Podsafe Music Network is this hilariously irreverent bit. Take it with you to your Passover seder, or Easter dinner. It's sure to be big hit with the older folks. Hey, you took our relationship advice. We thought we'd branch out. By the way, be sure to catch George every week on his own show, the GeologicPodcast.

Play our show now...

Email our show.

Say Cheese

Bookseller magazine is out with their annual list of Oddest Book Titles. Among those honored over the past 30-years are ones about bomb-proofing your horse, and people who don't know they're dead- and attach themselves to the living. Last year's winner offered great advice to women struggling with making a recent breakup stick (why didn't we think of this?).

Hey, cheeseburger here!

Four lbs of not-so-lean beef, five slices of cheese, 8 oz of chili, fistfuls of nachos all stuffed between an 8 inch bun. 48-hundred calories never tasted so good. Where? At the ballpark, of course.

Terminate THIS

Arrrnollld must really miss the tinsel town spotlight. While California sherrifs are going after gangs and guns, Gov SCHWARZENEGGER seems to be taking dead aim at boosting his movie residuals while introducing a program aimed at curbing street violence. Listen to the sound bite and judge for yourself.

Feature tune

Stefanie Seskin and blue number nine (they don't like caps) are fast-becoming one of our top three all-time favorite Indie groups here at YCMIU. Their music - which they've been making since 1995 - is pure fun. We dare you not to tap your feet and bang on the nearest solid object when you hear 'sweet sugar honey', a bn9 classic! Like all the tunes we feature, you can find Jersey City's blue number nine and their jammin sound at the Podsafe Music Network.

Listen now!

Email the show.

Animal makeovers anyone?

Warm up your TiVo and gather up the pets, there's a new show coming, destined to push Survivor to the Neilsen Family curb. Maybe not, but we know we'll be watching.

Abolish these laws NOW

A half dozen stupid state and city laws Americans never knew existed. Ignorance is no excuse- unless you're a lawmaker.

Arrrrrrgh!

Who needs Spring Break when you can study pirates. No joke. The University of Chicago is offering the course and so far 150 kids have enrolled. It was either that or poly sci, NOT a required class if you plan to stay in town after you graduate.

Abdul for A-Rod, straight up

Just think kids, American Idol trading cards! Upper Deck is launching a set of more than 130 of your show favorites. Winners, losers and Paula, too. No word yet if stale bubblegum is included.

Awe geeze, gang- we luv ya!

We're speechless, You loyal fans have pushed YCMIU into the top 50 shows on Podcast Alley! #47 last week (with a bullet)... Please go there and vote for us... we want to be #1. You guys are THE BEST! Thank you, thank you, thank YOU!

Not On the Radio

That's the title of this week's feature tune by the incomparable Geoff Smith. He's the madman genius behind a ton of podcast jingles out there, and a big hit with Adam Curry and DSC. Run on over to the Podsafe Music Network and give him a listen!

Listen now!

Here pig, pig, pig...

How about $1 million to help Utah control its non-secular cricket population? Or hundreds of thousands to rid Californian's of unsightly tattoos? Hey Alabama, you want money for oyster rehab? You got it! No joke. These are among the thousands of daffy projects Congress has agreed to fund. Is this a great country or what.

What's next, Wii Sue?

A ten-year old girl in the UK got sassed by a Nintendo video game that told her she could stand to drop a stone or two. Little bugger used the F word. Not the kid, the machine. Heck, he may be a pudge ball but at least Richard Simmons is polite.

There are B movies...

And then there are stinkers like this 1955 western. A musical (think: Oklahoma with longshoremen) set in the 1880s in which the town's men folk went to battling a neighboring town. To punish them their women folk withheld... well... you know. Quite possibly the worst flick ever to make it to the big screen- and that's saying something.

Little green men

Pray these wee lads don't visit you this week. They are not Irish. They are not even Earthlings. This Friday keep one eye on the heavens for any sign that we are not alone. If you see them, don't panic. Just sit back, enjoy the scenery and take lots of pictures on your journey. Oops. Darn, spoiled the surprise.

9 lives and counting

Our feature tune on the Podsafe Network this week is 'The Cat Came Back' by Irish singer/songwriter, Marc Gunn. Be sure to visit him on the web.

Vote for us

Pretty please? We need your support. If you like our show please cast a vote for us at Podcast Alley. The last time we looked You Can't Make It Up was ranked #260 out of nearly 36-hundred comedy podcasts listed there. Help us crack the top 200, will you? THANK YOU!

Listen now!

108 careers later

She's been an Olympic athlete, a Marine Corps sergeant, a dentist, an aerobics instructor, an astronaut and a rock star. Barbie, Mattel's wildly successful franchise turned 50 today. More than a billion units of her likeness have been sold across the globe. Young girls keep playing with her, yet the critics haven't quit. It's a doll- get over it! A few themes never made it into stores, secrets the toy maker had hoped would not get out. We uncovered them.

Bite me

No crudeness intended but we couldn't let a week full of sensationally stupid sound bites pass without commenting on the very dumbest one. That lady in Ft. Pierce, FL now has the inside track for our Darwin Award Nominee of the Year! Didn't your doctor warn you that craving McNuggets would one day kill you? Call us reaper.

RFD TV is full of...

Manure. One of their shows even tells you all the neat uses for it. Wait until you hear what a couple of enterprising Connecticut dairy farmers are doing with "cow pots."

The square root of nerd is...

You missed it. International Square Root Day was a hoot. The pocket protector crowd sure know how to party!

Maybe they won't notice

There's counterfeiters, and then there's really, really bad counterfeiters. This guy may be in a category all to himself.

le Bon Temps Roulez

Our feature tune this week is a spicy creole delight from a N'orleans rock-soul band known as Brother Joscephus and the Love Revival Revolution Orchestra. You really MUST see these folks perform! If you're anywhere near NYC this Wednesday night, March 11th, get yourself on over to the Mercury Lounge. Tickets just $10. Call (212) 260-4700 for info. Tell Bro-Jo and Company you heard them on You Can't Make It Up!

Listen now!

Apple didn't like these

Top 10 iPhone third-party apps rejected by Mr. Jobs & Co. Thankfully, consumer outrage forced Apple to reconsider 'Pull My Finger.' Nice to see good taste prevail once more. Is this a great country or what?

Hello, OnStar?

Can you help me? I tried putting my keyless entry fob against my face, like the guy suggested, but my car door still didn't unlock. Oh, and can you send an ambulance and a fire truck? Other low-tech remedies to high-tech problems this week include what to do when your cell phone falls into the toilet. Could happen to anyone (not just future Darwin Award nominees), right?

Bilked by Bernie?

Don't delay, order the Smash-Me Bernie doll today!

Hey mom, I wanted the gas station

Never too early to start your toddler learning about the fun things we grownups do when we travel. That's why the folks at Playmobil, one of the trusted names in toys for little people, made "Security Checkpoint." It's just like the real thing. Now, take your shoes off Billy and go over there and let that nice man with the gun wave his wand over you.

Our feature tune this week is 'You Don't Need an iPod' by Canada's indie sensation, Uncle Seth. They're one of the most popular groups on the entire Podsafe Music Network. Go check out their music and be sure to tell 'em where you heard it!

Listen now!

America runs on...

It sure ain't Dunkin' Donuts but the good towns' folk of Vassalboro, Maine don't seem to care. Since the new Grand View Coffee Cafe pranced out their topless waitstaff nobody's paid much attention to the menu - or the prices. Ignore those news stories about all the vocal protests, this town is hooked. Caffeine and prurient exhibitionism, yum! It's l'affaire grande! (eat your heart out, Florida!)

Our feature tune on this special weekend episode is I Like the Way You Move by New Jersey's Blue Number Nine with vocalist -songwriter -musician Stefanie Seskin. Like all the tunes we play you can find this one on the Podsafe Music Network.

Listen now!